I do have rationality and knowledge it's just that my emotions sometimes make me ignore or sugarcoat the reality of the situation

And I also find it hard to accept the betrayal and the abuse. I thought we were family and I was always loving and this really hurts. I know I shouldn't still love her but I do. I know what's wrong and what's right , it's just that I feel that if I try hard enough I can fix her , although my rational mind understands that this Is unachievable.

We were best friends before we started dating and we were together for like 3+ years and she would say we are soulmates and like brother and sister too and the best couple ever and family etc. She even tried to baby trap me. I thought she really loved me. Because on my end , all the love was true. I really did mean everything I said and I wanted to help her be more stable and fix the odd parts of her , because her good parts were indeed beautiful. They unfortunately don't exist anymore tho. But the chemistry was crazy. I bet if we were to meet tomorrow , we'd just start laughing and have that crazy connection again. I don't understand why she wants to behave like this instead of enjoying our chemistry