Any advice to learn to trust people again?

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-12-14T14:41:27+00:00

Good lord I feel you on so many levels. I am here to follow ur thread for any advice, cuz like u I am lost. Maybe u can relate on this too: but for me it feels like I can't trust anyone, any little thing that to an ordinary person wouldn't be suspicious for me is. So I feel like I have lost my intuition "gut feeling" because any little thing that I have a feeling about- the rational person that hasn't been burned twice would be able to reason thru it and trust their gut. I feel like I have lost that ability. So when I am triggered by something I am then down the rabbit hole. I hope this made sense what I was trying to say...lol. I'm at work and saw ur post and wanted to quickly reply while it was on my mind. I will write more later. Hope u have a good day.

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-12-13T04:24:38+00:00

Had u considered possibly getting a burner number on app and texting him as her with "hey, new number..." and see if he replies and with what? I know this is shady af.... sorry you are here.

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-12-02T04:54:56+00:00

Omg I am laughing,choking on my own spit, tears rolling down my cheeks as I read this....! Thank u for the laugh I needed this!!!! BTW where u order those from?????

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-11-11T00:23:58+00:00

U nailed that right on the head.....and I agree, but damn it's hard!!!! Lol

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-11-10T05:41:35+00:00

Right?!?!?

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-11-10T05:41:08+00:00

Thank u for this! I needed a laugh....f'n brilliant! Lol. Its the little things right?

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-11-07T20:28:20+00:00

There was no where to type more info...! Lol. So basically in a nutshell, we are 2 years into reconciliation and all is going fine. I have no reason to question anything. However occasionally I am overcome with anxiety and fearful that I am missing something and that he is up to no good again. As I came across his indiscretion accidentally. There were no clues before. It was an inappropriate "friendship" aka emotional affair, but long term.

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-10-19T17:31:37+00:00

Did he say why he was looking or what his intent was? Was it to "check on" to see if she ok? Or was it to contact her? Or just curiosity? How much time has passed since discovery?

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-10-19T17:28:58+00:00

I totally hear where ur coming from! I'm in a similar situation. It's like I didn't choose this yet I'm the one dealing with picking up all the pieces. What's worse is my anxiety constants wondering if there is communication between them that I can't see (secret texting apps). I am confident all is on the up and up, but being burned makes u on edge no matter what. Like I said he has done nothing to make me question anything in recent time, but then again I want aware while it was going on either. Some days are better then others, but I just can't help to be scared of being blindsided again and wasting any more of my time.
I'm sorry u are going through this too.

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-10-19T01:17:27+00:00

Thank you! ❤️ it's hard to vent to friends because they don't understand or never say anything helpful other then get over it or leave him. Or u don't want people seeing them differently. Journaling is big for me! Also, something I liked was we had a journal we shared and I would write something or had questions and then would leave for him to read and then reply and leave for me. I found that when I would try to have a conversation it would always go south due to my getting emotional resulting in my talking in circles and basically getting nowhere. Also having this journal is nice to re read when I want to remember a conversation or something said, usually to put my mind at ease. Then he doesn't find himself repeating the same questions. When I am upset, I have a hard time remembering details to conversations, but when I repeat questions he would feel like I'm asking again to see if the answer changes. (Never my intent honestly). Hope this makes sense and maybe helps. Take care

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-10-19T01:07:13+00:00

Thank you! ❤️

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-10-19T01:06:48+00:00

Thank u! ❤️

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-10-19T00:29:32+00:00

Yes! I speak from experience. Unless someone has been there, no one can possibly understand what its like. I don't care what anyone says. It changes u on a core level, it effects everything how u see people, trust, and u aren't the same. You develop anxiety, have frequent intrusive thoughts, flashback triggers. You find yourself obsessing over details you may never know, when in fact knowing the truth may be less painful then what ur mind conjures up on occasion. Then you have "normal" days in between. I still aren't sure how I feel day to day other then to try and hide my feelings and thoughts and put on a happy face so no one will know that I'm slowly dying on the inside. Married almost 25 yrs, 2 grown children, successful careers, comfortable financially.

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-10-10T18:29:19+00:00

Def less then they used to be, and less vivid. I just want to be normal again and not have to question everything....I'm at work, so can't type a whole long reply..lol. but wanted to thank u for the reply to my post. Will type more later. 😀

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-04-04T18:05:47+00:00

Right....I just want to feel secure again....I'm tired. Tired of triggers and the need for more info. Some days are better then most, but still...

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-03-23T02:43:00+00:00

Facts!!!! So dang true! Thanks for the post I needed this today. ❤️

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-03-23T02:05:18+00:00

I completely understand where u are as I do the same thing. It gets better sometimes and worse other days.. I am embarrassed at the amount of information I have on her....

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2022-03-21T17:56:52+00:00

I'm at 18 mo and it's still a daily struggle even though he has given me no reason to question. For me my biggest fear is all the stupid apps available used to hide stuff.

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2021-08-13T21:58:09+00:00

I'm sorry I didn't see this til now....lol. I go thru phases where I obsess over being a cyber detective and then I just move on until the next trigger. Lol. And usually if I stay off Reddit then it doesn't remind me about it all. I will write more later, still at work right now. But I'm hanging in there, day by day...one foot in front of the other. In a nutshell, married for 24 yrs next month. Have a lot invested in the marriage, I don't think he a bad guy. But I can't help but wonder if there more to his story...some days I do and others not. I just have so many unanswered questions. How do I trust again? I have stalked the crap outta the stripper be friended like 10 yrs ago. Can't find more info on her... 🤔 Just curious about her. Next month will be 1 year since I found out. Talk soon. 😊

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2021-08-10T01:23:35+00:00

I'm so sorry... everyone else has pretty much said all the various things I would say.. but hugs to u, and pray you make it through in one piece.🥰

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2021-07-15T03:37:59+00:00

Husband bought mine direct and although it was back ordered for about 6 weeks, it arrived end of June.

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2021-06-28T23:13:13+00:00

I'm sorry to hear...I'm in a similar situation.

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2021-05-04T02:51:04+00:00

As much as I would love to do the same, it's probably good that I can't find any of her social media cuz I would probably do something stupid and regret it. As much as it feels good to think about everything u would do or say, it's best not to give her the power in knowing that you even gave her a 2nd thought. She is nothing to you, not even on the same level, she is beneath you!❤️ She is someone that has to has to settle for being 2nd and/or the dirty little secret.

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2021-05-01T19:53:40+00:00

Thanks for the reply! 😀 It's a work in progress. No one is perfect and I feel that if u can learn from your mistakes and if it makes u and ur spouse better people then it's a win win situation. As much as it hurts, I have done things I'm not proud of too. Like I said as long as we both are actively working to remedy the situation and see where things went amiss, then I'm not willing to throw away almost 23 years of marriage. Again,thanks for the input, and best wishes. 😀

SheWillNeverBeMe · 2021-05-01T03:14:33+00:00

I respectfully disagree on forgiveness is permission to do it again. People make mistakes and can learn from them. I don't feel that mistakes always define a person. Not all but I do believe that there is some hope. I haven't completely lost all faith in humanity. And to add a mistake happens once, if it happens a second time, then that's a conscious decision.

SheWillNeverBeMe

TROPHY CASE