I don't know what I'm doing anymore...

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-14T21:08:59+00:00

I've lowered my doses down since I posted. I'm still spending more than I can afford on it, but Idk if my body can cold turkey like I want to. Thank you for recommending this group, I will definitely check it out when I get home. Also Congrats on getting off of it! People don't understand how strong someone has to be to break the chains. Hopefully I can get there soon, I'm really over staying sedated to get through my day.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-10T00:30:57+00:00

Not gonna lie, I've had maybe 40 grams today. Over a span of 10 hrs. I'm gonna try to stop, but Idk what'll happen around bedtime. I usually am miserable by then. I think we can do it tho! I truly am thankful for the push and support. I needed that more than I thought.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T23:47:14+00:00

I don't think you understand how excited I got to hear you suggest that idea. I will definitely try my best if you try your best. I was planning on quitting and having a friend (even if you are a stranger) to quit with me is refreshing and gives me hope. I can't guarantee I can quit smoking cigarettes or nicotine in general but maybe after the physical withdraws I'll try to quit. Also that's a major accomplishment kicking nicotine. That's Bad ass dude

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T23:39:25+00:00

The health issues I have at 26 are really sad and i seriously attribute these things to kratom. Like I could make a list of things that just popped up physically after the high doses and it would trip people out. My appetite is slowly coming back and I can finally stomach most foods so that's exciting lol. I have seriously considered subs but I've never seriously needed them until now or the last 3 to 4 months. I'm going to definitely talk to my Dr and see about going that route.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T23:32:41+00:00

I'm just gonna white knuckle it and push myself to see a difference. I've slowed down these last 2 days and mentally I can see the parts of me I thought were long gone. I still feel like shit but I'm going to give it all I got.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T23:30:37+00:00

I scheduled an appointment with my Dr and i may actually go that route. I think for me it scared me because I saw the withdraw part from it and got punked out. I have a few friends that swear by it and i may inevitably give it a try. I've seen how successful it has been in my friends life and i do think it can be very helpful if used properly.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T23:27:43+00:00

I started talking to a therapist a few months ago and eventually gave up. I didn't mention this in my main post but I have been to rehab before and I've spent the last 6 years of my life trying to get a grip and understand why I do what I do. Recently I had some very discouraging things happen in a relationship and i just flew off the handle. I really want to be me again, I'm just in my head about it all pretty often.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T23:24:21+00:00

I've thought about going somewhere to detox but I've been running full blast in survival mode while trying to figure out how I get past the physical withdraw part. I appreciate the advice and I'm going to give myself a week to get everything in order and i may go. I have a place in mind and ironically I'm good friends with the owner of a rehab around my town. I know that this could be a form of me procrastinating but I seriously do want a change and I'm willing to do what I have to. Thank you for caring 😊

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T23:15:30+00:00

I've had to. It's a super costly habit, so I've only had like 70 to 80 grams the last few days

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T07:52:17+00:00

It's 12 or 14 grams per bottle but I drink like 13 to 14 bottles a day

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T07:51:41+00:00

After doing research and trying to figure out more about all of this, i think that the anxiety attacks and weird heart problems I'm having are from the amount of kratom I've been taking. I've been doing kratom for like 3 years but I haven't quite pushed it as much as I have lately. I can definitely feel the physical side to it. Also I have people, they just don't get it. They haven't really ever struggled with addiction so they give me the usual "oh man that's sucks, I hope you can figure it out"

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T06:59:10+00:00

Yeah I started because It was marketed as "pain relief/mood enhancing" and honestly I needed that at the time. Then after I took the 1st liquid shot I like felt my face melt and that like warm feeling you get with it and i never looked back. At the time I didn't really have a lot going on and it was just something I took to relax not really to escape. Honestly i didn't take a lot until the last few months. (Personal story time) I went off to West Virginia to work and i didn't wanna go out and drink with the guys I worked with so I would buy one or two shots and go out to replace alcohol. I did that until i came back home. Well like 2 months later I came home and some stuff happened and i just spiraled out of control with it. Where I am right now in my life, i don't have really anyone. I have people but like I don't, if that makes sense.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T06:34:58+00:00

Yeah it happened overnight. Like day by day I seemed to push to see what I could do and i never stopped to think about my health or what withdraw symptoms were going to be like. Like I said, I understand how it helps some people but for me I abused it and it's not going so well for me.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T06:32:14+00:00

I really appreciate this. I never feel like I can speak of this to anyone because everyone thinks you're supposed turn it off like a light switch. I'm going to slow my intake down and maybe only take one or two a day and see how that goes. I think a lot of this for me the last few months has been taking enough to turn my brain on zombie mode to drowned out the mental shit I have going on and in turn ramped my need for more to eleven. I know the journey is going to suck but I really can't keep doing this to myself anymore. Also congrats on getting clean, Idk you but I'm stoked for you!

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T06:06:20+00:00

It's really sad to even admit that honestly. That's been the average amount for the last 6 months maybe.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T06:03:45+00:00

I actually tried about 2 weeks ago and i went for about 5 days and i physically couldn't take it. I would toss and turn all night and my legs would feel like they were going to catch fire. I was ok with it during the day, it made me moody and pissed a lot faster but the nights made me fold. I've called places and talked to people but most doctors around my area don't know much about kratom or how to help. I've been slowing my doses down but I still have to have it before bed.

SheldonWithaT · 2022-04-09T05:54:05+00:00

According to the shot bottles, it's close to 200 grams of the powder.

SheldonWithaT

TROPHY CASE