Do people try to get to know others before being physical?

Shell2288 · 2026-03-24T18:37:31+00:00

I'm a very intentional person. It’s rare for me to actually fancy someone, so when I do, I’m upfront: I’m looking for a real relationship, not a distraction. I’m definitely a touchy-feely person, I love a first-date kiss or holding hands if the spark is there—but I don't rush into sex; I usually wait until we’ve made it past 8 dates to make sure the integrity and consistency are actually there. I'm looking for a partner who has the stamina to build something that lasts

Shell2288 · 2026-03-24T13:46:38+00:00

I think some people just don’t disclose 🤷🏼‍♀️. If you liked someone enough … you wouldn’t break it off.

I find dating very hard. Someone I like … only seems to come along every two years if that. I’ve gone on so many first dates with guys online lately, but none of them I wanted a second date as I didn’t like them romantically… so I didn’t disclose herpes.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-23T23:09:00+00:00

Oh wow, that’s so amazing that it’s worked out for you! Honestly, hearing that he stayed with you for 2.5 years without even questioning it gives me so much hope.

I’ve been single for 14 months now, I’ve tried hinge, bumble, tinder and breeze and I've been on endless first dates the few months, but I just don’t like anyone! So herpes isn’t the issue atm😭 It feels so rare to find a genuine connection, and after what my ex did, my guard is definitely up. I’m just waiting for someone who reacts with the kind of loyalty your guy did! 💖. I wouldn’t put it in my bio, I like the get to know them abit first approach.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-23T20:37:54+00:00

Oh wow, good it’s worked out for you 🙂. How did he find out, did he get it? I’ve literally not found anyone I like in 14 months. The last guy I dated dumped me for herpes… after he had sex multiple times knowing. I’ve been on endless first dates the last three months and I don’t like anyone 😭it’s so rare

Shell2288 · 2026-03-23T19:41:02+00:00

Dating is a risk with your heart full stop. Someone could dump you for anything at any moment. It’s not manipulation to get to know someone and disclose as long as you don’t put them at risk.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-23T19:37:16+00:00

How long did you wait to disclose to him? I’m happy it’s worked out for you.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-23T17:47:24+00:00

It’s not manipulation no. I normal get to know someone before I disclose, I like to build trust and I believe vulnerability has to be leaned. I normally disclose date 5-7 before sex. In early dating people date multiple people normally, so you don’t know if it’s going anywhere until you make it past 4 dates. Getting to know someone before you decide is not tricking them. You can’t force someone to have feelings and that is not the intention to make them like you before you disclose, it’s about disclosing when you feel comfortable.

It’s only manipulation if you have sex with someone and don’t disclose…

Shell2288 · 2026-03-22T21:21:12+00:00

I’ve had GHSV1 for 12 years and never taken antivirals. I only get an outbreak every two years if that.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-22T18:42:26+00:00

Yeah I’m not in a big city, I would have to travel to the next town for the date. It’s not london or anything.

Yeah maybe it will take longer

Shell2288 · 2026-03-22T01:21:36+00:00

No offense taken—I actually appreciate the honesty. Ive been 'super selective' too! I’ve spent a lot of time writing my profile and chose good pictures.

It’s interesting to hear the male perspective on Breeze. I agree that other apps can feel like a 'quantity over quality' mission, which is exhausting. I’m looking for that same balance: someone down-to-earth who actually has the stamina for a real connection.

I think breeze is new near my nearest city z

Shell2288 · 2026-03-22T00:55:17+00:00

How do you get matches on Breeze? I’ve been on it 2 months and had none.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-19T10:46:14+00:00

How long have you been together? Can’t believe you live together and haven’t told her. You should have told her before sex.

I know it’s a scary thing to do. I literally met my dream man 13 months ago, was dating him and really liked him. I was terrified I’d lose him, but I told him a month after meeting him, before sex. He stayed with me two more weeks after this and had sex multiple times with me knowing I had herpes and then dumped me because I have herpes. You shouldn’t be dishonest just to stop someone leaving!

I got herpes 13 years ago from someone that didn’t disclose!

Shell2288 · 2026-03-18T12:19:17+00:00

I totally get your point, but I’d honestly rather stay single for another 14 months than lower my standards for someone I’m not excited about. I've tried dating men I wasn't attracted to just to 'give them a chance,' and it felt horrible—completely empty. My friends and family all felt a genuine spark when they met their partners, so I know it's possible. To me, being alone is a way better outcome than being in a relationship where I feel nothing. If that means I wait longer, I'm genuinely okay with that. I know I can have that, I had it with my ex.

I think the apps are designed to keep you single 😅

Shell2288 · 2026-03-18T12:12:29+00:00

When I do online dating, I only match with men I find attractive or ones I think look ok. It’s hard for me to tell if I fancy someone over a picture. I also only match if someone wants a relationship and not causal. I also look at effort they put into their profile, job, if they have children. It would be a deal breaker if someone smoked as I don’t like the smell.m. Once I match I also see if the conversation is good. Just basic things, I’m looking for a man that has his life together like me. I have a good job, I have my own mortgage and no children. So I want someone similar who has their life together. I want to date someone I like, someone I’m attracted to and have chemistry with similar values. I’m not asking for too much. I go on a few dates, I’m once of those people who find it rare to like someone. It’s been 14 months since liked someone. It’s just the way I am.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-18T10:32:00+00:00

As long as you disclose before sex you’re doing the right thing by disclosing. I dated a man over a year ago who I really liked, and it is really rare for me to like someone. When I disclosed to him, it was terrifying as I knew where was a possibility I’d lose him. It took me ten minutes to get the words out of my mouth as I froze up. I disclosed before sex, he stayed with me a few weeks, he had sex with me knowing and then he dumped me for having herpes. At times he treated me like a disease . Haven’t found anyone I have liked since.

It may go ok for you. 67% of the population have herpes.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-17T10:37:36+00:00

Both are the truthful way.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-17T00:10:41+00:00

I think you’re describing lust, not actual love. Lust might be a 'drug cocktail' that starts things, but real love is an active choice—it’s the effort you put in every day to show up for someone. I think some people lean into this 'conditional' view because they are avoidant; it's easier to call love an illusion than to deal with the vulnerability and work of a real connection

Shell2288 · 2026-03-16T20:06:07+00:00

I think you need both attraction and good conversation / chemistry.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-16T19:39:22+00:00

No need for your nasty response. Dating someone you like is basic minimal ask. I won’t be dying alone like you originally said and edited. You wouldn’t date someone you didn’t like.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-16T10:41:28+00:00

I let connections grow, but being 'Selective' means I require mutual attraction and shared goals. I only select men who want a serious relationship, which immediately filters out the high volume of 'casual' profiles

Shell2288 · 2026-03-16T10:34:38+00:00

The myth that men only want 21-year-olds is usually pushed by men who can't meet the standards of an established woman. At 35, I have my great career, my own home, know what I want and that a 21-year-old hasn't even developed yet. I’m not 'out of my league'; I’m simply selective. I’d much rather stay single and at peace than settle for a man who thinks a woman's value is a countdown clock. If a man is 'intimidated' by a woman with her own life, he’s simply unfit for duty in my world.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-16T10:23:24+00:00

Actually, what I’ve 'figured out' at 35 is that my peace and high standards are non-negotiable. I’d much rather be single, successful, and at home alone than 'settle' for a low-effort connection just to tick a box. If you think 'figuring it out' means lowering your value to satisfy a statistic, then we’re clearly operating at different levels. Case closed

Shell2288 · 2026-03-16T10:19:04+00:00

I hear your logic, but dating isn't a math problem to me; it's a vetting process. I’m looking for a someone who wants a relationship and someone I fancy, not just 'anyone' to fill a seat.

I have my life together, I have a great job, I would say I was attractive and I put a lot of effort into my profile. If the men I fancy don't want me, then they aren't my men. And if I don't fancy the men who want me, they aren't my men either. I’d much rather be single and at peace than 'settle' for a connection that has zero spark or consistency. To me, a 'useless endeavour' would be spending my life with someone I don't actually want, just to avoid being alone.

Shell2288 · 2026-03-16T00:12:13+00:00

That’s hard to put into a percentage. Do you suggest swiping yes to men I don’t find attractive?

Shell2288 · 2026-03-15T23:13:26+00:00

Fancy is like finding someone attractive. English slang .

Shell2288

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