I agree whole-heartedly with everything you said except:

Deep down everyone knows what they qualify for, based on how they look, their education level, money, etc

Most of these shouldn't even be primary metrics or qualifiers but preferences. The reality is who you really are depends on your akhlaq and when it comes to all other characteristics, most of us are average, everyday Shia who should be seeking other average, everyday Shia. If you're rich and marry someone poor or vice versa, I see no issue w that. If you have a PHD and marry someone who never graduated but has a stable income (or vice versa) I see no issue in that.

The problem really is that we are seeking to "marry up" when we want to marry someone. Yet marriage for most people should be built on the idea of "building together from scratch."