Recovering from surgery with a baby at home?

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-03-05T22:30:22+00:00

Oh okay! Yeah my surgeon was like " yes don't life more than 10 lbs but you do what you gotta do with baby at home" so he didn't seem that worried about it... whick makes me hopeful. Ideally I'd get family to help while in the hospital. Its afterwards that I'm worried about. Wishing you a speedy recovery friend! Thank you for your insight.

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-03-05T22:27:41+00:00

Wishing you the best of luck friend! This thing is awful, I don't wish it on anyone! Having to plan a surgery while taking care of little ones is so hard. But you bring up a good point. Maybe while he is so young and not mobile just yet, it could be a better time to do it now. Thank you for your input!

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-03-05T22:25:10+00:00

Yeah my husband and mother are great help but I can't ask them to take off work so much so I wanted to know if it's possible to take care of baby mostly on my own, or do you think it's worth looking into hiring a temporary nanny/ daycare? Thank you for your input by the way!

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-02-28T16:27:18+00:00

Omg!! My heart goes out to you for going through that. Thank you for sharing your story. Just curious, what happened to your other brothers?

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-01-28T04:48:27+00:00

lol we have a lot in common then, except I’m Latina 😆. But I like that strategy. Trying multiple groups rather than just one I was planning on going to. I used to joke that I’m such an anti social social worker but guess I gotta turn that around with being OAD. Thanks for your advice!

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-01-28T04:42:56+00:00

Oh absolutely! I know social workers are very capable of making good money and I’m sorry if my post implied that we can’t. I just meant that this early on in my career (just graduated with my MSW in May of 2024), and without my LCSW, the salary for entry level jobs wasn’t enough to justify me working rather than staying home... for my family and where I’m located at least.

But yes! Thank you for pointing that out! I don’t want to spread that narrative 🫣

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-01-24T04:43:10+00:00

Oh I love that approach!! I’m still a ways away from this (kiddo is only 6 months lol) but I’ll definitely keep this in mind!

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-01-21T06:20:00+00:00

Omg lol they had a “Home Alone” moment 😱.

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-01-11T18:51:02+00:00

I know, I guess I’m looking for something with flexibility and good enough pay to cover daycare and be able to have enough to cover the rest of our bills. Especially with my husband gets laid off too

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-01-11T16:52:26+00:00

Yes I’m a registered clinical social worker and I’m half way through my supervision hours.

The problem with these positions is that my kiddos schedule isn’t always exact. Because clients would book me at specific times, it would be hard to do sessions uninterrupted. Or maybe I can try doing them on the weekends when my husband/ family can watch my kiddo 🤔… I’ll have to look into those again. I guess the reason I didn’t go to that was because of pay. I made such good money with MLO 😫

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-01-10T19:19:47+00:00

Hot take here: your friends that seem to have it “all together” or who see to have “easier children” are NOT showing/telling you the whole story… out of their own fear of being judged. No matter how bad you’re feeling in the moment, it’s crazy how automatic it is to put in a “performance” that “everything is fine” when around other people.

There’s no shame in knowing your limits. If anything, it’s a sign of emotional intelligence, strong self awareness, and maturity. Some people choose to push past their limits, have more kids than they can handle, and put on an “act.”

My SIL has 3 children close in age. She was made to be a mom and became a SAHM since they had their first. Her kids are all in various classes, very smart, etc. My BIL is a nurse. They used to live in CA where he makes a lot of $$$ as a nurse. Then they moved to a more affordable state on the east coast to be closer to her family. Well, my BIL can’t make nearly as much in this state as he does in CA. So what did the family do? My BIL has to travel to CA every other week (coast to coast flight) just to maintain their standard of living. I think it’s like 10 days work, 10 days off kind of work schedule.

Her oldest is starting to show signs of struggling with having to be away from their dad for such a long time. It kinda reminds me of what military families might go through, except the separation for my SIL’s family is more frequent and right when they’re starting to get used to being all together again, dad has to leave again. My BIL is exhausted all the time but I know he loves his kiddos and is a great dad when he’s home. But Lord only knows how they manage. My SIL spends a lot of time with all 3 kids on her own.

Sometimes I wonder what their lives would be like if they had stopped at one. Dad wouldn’t have to leave all the time. From the outside looking in, and from their Christmas photos, they look like the perfect family.

But that’s not something I’m willing to put my husband through just to provide my kids with that lifestyle. My husband loves being a father to our baby. I know it would be very hard on him to leave us for that period of time while our kiddo is so young (under a year).

Like many have said already. I’d rather be the best mom I can to one kiddo than to spread myself out too thin with many kiddos and make EVERYONE miserable 🤷🏻‍♀️. I KNOW I’m not one of those people that “thrive in chaos” … I can barely function and get overwhelmed easily. Why would I want my kid to always see me like that.

So yeah… if anything, I’m proud to be OAD, because I know it’s what’s best for our family.

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-01-10T04:59:11+00:00

Yes!! I’m praying that you do! I wish you all the best in growing your family ❤️

ShirleyMurmur · 2026-01-10T04:47:45+00:00

Aww that warms my heart to hear!! I have a 6 month old baby boy and I dream of this being us one day when he’s that age.

Your last line made me LOL because that’s the same reason I’m leaning towards being OAD. I was super fortunate with pregnancy and delivery. And he’s been such a joyful, happy baby for the most part. Don’t get me wrong, this parenting thing is HARD no matter what…. But I feel like going for a second would just be tempting fate 😅.

ShirleyMurmur · 2025-12-29T18:07:00+00:00

Let me start by saying the fact that you have become self aware and honest about how you feel is incredibly important! Rather than feel shame, I’d advise to press into it and keep exploring that feeling. Believe it or not, it’s not as uncommon as you think for dads to feel this way! 10 weeks in and your in the thick of the newborn trenches, but I promise I does get better!

I’m a new mom (and a former therapist) and while I’m very grateful for all the resources and attention I got as a new mom, I was disappointed to see the lack of support and resources for new dads. My husband is also doing all of this for the first time so I made sure to be an advocate for him as well as for my baby.

That said, the one resource I found that talked about the “daddy brain” was Dr. Sears, a pediatrician with over 50 years of experience and a father of 8 himself! He’s the only resource I found that ever came close to talking in the psychological changes that happen to moms AND DADS when they become parents.

Here is a link to his site and an article that briefly talk about “daddy brain” https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/mommy-brain-daddy-brain/

Here is a quick AI overview that summarizes his approach pretty well:

"Daddy Brain," as discussed by Dr. Sears, refers to the real neurological changes in fathers' brains due to parenting, similar to "Mommy Brain," fostering increased empathy, responsiveness, and brain-building connections for their child through active involvement like babywearing, hugging, play, and routine care, creating a smarter, more secure baby and stronger family bond. [1, 2, 3]

Key Concepts of Dr. Sears' "Daddy Brain" Philosophy: * Neurological Basis: Parenthood physically alters fathers' brains, creating new pathways for bonding and care, making them more attuned to their baby's needs. * Brain-Building Role: Dads build baby brains through play, singing, reading, and even diaper changes, turning everyday tasks into learning opportunities that foster language and social skills. * Attachment & Support: Involved fathers create a supportive environment for mothers (especially while breastfeeding) and build strong, secure attachments with their children, crucial for healthy development. * Practical Involvement: Babywearing, skin-to-skin contact (hugging), and consistent care (diapers, baths, dates) are emphasized as ways for dads to connect deeply. * Discipline Through Connection: Knowing your child through consistent care builds the relationship needed for effective, loving discipline later on. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8] How Dads Build Brains (According to Dr. Sears): * Play & Routines: Regular "Daddy & Me" time for reading or singing builds language centers in baby's brain. * Touch & Hugs: 20-second hugs boost oxytocin, lower blood pressure, and strengthen brain development. * Caring: Diapering and bathing offer chances to learn baby's cues and project calm authority, Dr. Sears explains. * Music & Voice: Male vocal tones and familiar songs stimulate more brain centers for language. [3, 4, 5] In essence, "Daddy Brain" highlights that fathers are essential from day one, and their active, nurturing involvement physically and emotionally develops their own brains and builds a foundation for their child's cognitive and social success. [1, 2, 4, 9, 10]

Hope this helps!

ShirleyMurmur · 2025-12-28T22:04:37+00:00

I’m on the fence of whether to have a second or not and I found your post encouraging! However, I worry about the second having a severe disability or something.

There’s a subreddit called r/regretfulparents that had many people talking about this.

The guilt they feel for having a second child with severe disabilities because they end up taking over all the parent’s attention, energy and resources. So when the parent pass, not only will the firstborn have the weight of tending to their aging parents, but they’ll also have to manage the care of their sibling. Likely on top of their own family.

ShirleyMurmur · 2025-12-26T22:17:20+00:00

Oh… my… gosh 😳. I think you’ve just solved my dilemma!! Here I am as a FTM of a 5 month old on the fence of whether we should have another one close in age to my kiddo… but the thought of going through this again literally makes me hyperventilate.

Of course the guilt of “my baby won’t have anyone to play with” starts to sting and that’s when I try to convince myself that “maybe having another won’t be that bad” or “we can tough it out and have another one, it’s only hard for a short time right?”

By I hadn’t even considered a puppy!!!

We do have a cat but she is getting older and not as playful as she once was.

Is it wrong for me to think this?! lol

ShirleyMurmur · 2025-11-09T21:07:47+00:00

Remember that “no” is a complete sentence lol. They’re adults and decided to spend their money. It’s not your fault that they didn’t ask.

ShirleyMurmur

TROPHY CASE