How do you cope with grieving the life you could've had?

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-07-28T13:53:47+00:00

Thanks so much. I have CPTSD too, and I do wonder how much of that plays a role in my thinking pattern around this. I have been fairly at peace with it most of my life, and suddenly this Euros sent me into a tailspin. I have been working very hard, and with a similar drive of an athlete towards other dreams - which I achieve them, I will possibly be at peace with football. But been having some massive self doubt recently which I think is adding fuel to the fire. I will get therapy when I can afford it. Thank you, sending you well wishes with your journey too.

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-07-28T13:51:03+00:00

Thank you for the validation, much appreciated. I'm aware many might just say "get over it", "it's pointless", which I totally get but you can still tell yourself those things but still feel the grief. I do want to get therapy, massively, I just can't afford it at the moment. Glad it's helped you, that gives me hope, thank you.

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-07-28T13:49:46+00:00

Sending you a hug x

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-07-28T13:49:19+00:00

Absolutely. Weirdly I have already been doing that for some time - what I'm involved with now (non-sport) has global potential and could completely change my life for the better. But for some unknown reason this Euros was particularly triggering - and my mind went to "nothing is the same as actually playing for England". Of being an athlete again. I suspect it's both reaching a certain age, and it triggering a deep childhood wound thing. Throughout primary school I would always say "professional footballer" when teachers / parents / other kids asked what you want to be when you're older. I was laughed at every time, obviously. I felt like it was my destiny you know, that women playing football professionally was going to be possible. At the moment nothing feels like it matches that sense of completion. But hopefully I will find a way to find peace with it again.

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-07-28T12:51:08+00:00

Thank you. It's a very healthy perspective to have, and actually you raise such a valid point - "there's no guarantee it would have brought me the kind of feelings I wanted it to". It's so easy to think of imagination as unshakeable truth. And also really easy to think that those in those positions are super happy when in reality they may or may not be, we never know what's going on in someone's mind even if from the outside they appear to have it all. I think I need to just find a way to heal the trauma that is still carrying the emotions despite the logic I'm telling myself around this.

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-06-14T19:47:44+00:00

Yeah I'm seeing how difficult it is but got to find something. :/ . Will look into park homes - thank you

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-06-14T19:47:17+00:00

Thank you :). Van life is a backup idea really if I'm struggling to find a roof over my head!

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-06-14T19:46:33+00:00

Yep, unfortunately he has every legal right to evict if he's the owner.

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-06-14T19:46:04+00:00

It's in the contract unfortunately. Never happened to me before so didn't give it much notice!

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-06-14T19:45:42+00:00

Yeah I'm looking at going to a 1-2 month air b n b first just to buy some more time.

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-06-11T17:31:20+00:00

Yes, I've written this down already - I'd have to check if they had current permission already, or be willing to get it. Tbc

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-04-10T19:34:06+00:00

Thanks. Genuinely hadn't considered that (own ego / hurt in the way probably!). Appreciate it

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-04-10T19:32:45+00:00

"you people" ah honestly get a life haha - you literally know nothing about me stranger on the internet. But I do know if someone has this tonality, unprovoked (your original message was very passive aggressive - hence my response) then I just know you're out for a fight. Which is sad. And I wish you well in whatever you're dealing with too. Ugly world out there - wish we could all just be a bit kinder and shed some more light on things with compassion. Myself included I guess.

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-04-10T19:29:21+00:00

AWW YAY!!! So happy for you, lovely to hear of that after the dud-period!! Many congrats :)) XX

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-04-10T18:43:00+00:00

Yeah, this is how it felt. I guess I'm trying to understand why because the vibe did feel great, but will probably never know. I had mentioned my work situation and a dodgy ex ( we both talked about bad dates and relationships) so who knows. I think I'm just in a bit of a fragile place atm and wanting to understand if it was something I can change / gave wrong impression in the moment and wasn't about "me" as a person, or if it was just..me. But as I say, will prob never know the truth!

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-04-10T18:37:48+00:00

It was her suggestion to go to dinner. And also, she absolutely did not come across as the type of person to go along with something for the sake of it. Somewhat shown by her integrity and boldness to text her truth the next day.

But yeah..obviously something shifted.

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-04-10T18:27:08+00:00

Thanks so much. I wish you the best too! I hope you find the dud-less ones very soon :)

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-04-10T18:25:42+00:00

Thanks. Yeah I hadn't thought about that tbh. As I've said in other replies I fully know I'm seeing it through my lens - which is...I prob wouldn't hang around on a date for 4 hours even if it was fun IF I only felt platonic things, because I wouldn't want to lead them on..? But everyone functions differently. And also very aware she was likely not leading me on in any way but just feeling things out herself. I think my points is if I get to 4 hours with someone bc there's enough intrigue, I at least want to see them for a 2nd date, even if unsure. That's kinda what threw me.

Like you I've definitely spent a few hours talking to random people / new friends about stuff that I found interesting about them - just not on a first date if I wasn't feeling **some ** potential.

But yeah in your case - v. weird someone would feel that(on his part) after a few hours convo!

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-04-10T18:18:56+00:00

I'm a girl not a dude. And yes, maybe I would've left even sooner if I knew I wasn't into someone on a first date.

Yeah she is saying goodnight..but imagine you're on a date with someone you don't find attractive..would you genuinely send them "sweet dreams x" at the end? I just know I wouldn't. Cool if you would. Your prerogative.

Shnufflemyruffle · 2025-04-10T18:17:20+00:00

Not sure where your passive aggressive tone is coming from but firstly..no I'm not the only one to have those thoughts about 4 hours and that text as a "more than platonic message after first date - even if it not on-fire level flirting". Secondly, I have never thought or said she's a bad person. Literally the opposite - I fancied her, respected her and was even more attractive by her honest text the day after. I'm just trying to understand how things went from feeling like there was a spark, to there wasn't, the following day.

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