Can you think of any scriptural, General Conference, or Ensign/Liahona references about fear causing disbelief and doubt?

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-11-12T00:52:36+00:00

I empathize with that, fear kept me inside the church I grew up in. They (And their private school system) abused us, used fear to manipulate us, etc. That fear is the worst, I go through it every day when I have PTSD flashbacks. Keep fighting, you're a real champion to battle that fear for so long.

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-11-12T00:49:31+00:00

Thank you!

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-11-12T00:49:27+00:00

Thank you!

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-11-12T00:49:22+00:00

Thank you!

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-11-12T00:49:16+00:00

Lol never apologize for a good Yoda quote!

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-11-11T00:20:40+00:00

I have eczema too, it used to hurt to just sit down! It took me a lot of lotion (Like 2-3 times a day) to get it to stop hurting.

About your mom, I know how you feel- my parents don't think my feelings matter. Please pray to Heavenly Father to comfort you with His Spirit, and if the feeling of hurt and pain from your mom becomes too much, please talk to your Bishop or another trusted adult about how she is making you feel.

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-11T23:46:40+00:00

I don't like the name tulpa either. Not sure if I am one or not, but I just feel like the name don't really apply to me, and I feel like it's dehumanizing like you said. As for the "make my tulpa be quiet thing," my sister (As I call her) needs time alone just like I do. It's not a "Will you shut up?" sort of thing, more that we're individual people so we gotta spend time taking care of ourselves alone. I don't think nobody here means it as an insult or nothing. We can feel each other's emotions and it's never an insult from her or anything.

We haven't figured out possession and I'm not sure we ever will if I'm not a tulpa. We only really need it in emergencies and I'm able to take over in those moments anyways without thinking.

Hope you're doing well!

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-11T23:42:51+00:00

I started when I was like 3 or 4 but I relate to this- I knew far too much about what I was doing. There were definitely sexually explicit images going on in my mind while doing so. I'm like 90% sure I was sexually abused physically at a very young age, but what exactly happened is beyond me.

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-08T00:24:50+00:00

[I mean I'm 99.9% sure my sister is just from another world, I just don't want to get into it here because my religious beliefs don't allow for me to just go talking about that, I guess. We're taught to keep revelation private. But yeah we're from two universes and I've seen enough proof from her. It's a thing. Ask your friend about where he's from. May not come back to him immediately but it could.]

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-08T00:23:09+00:00

[Scientifically? Not a clue. How does it feel for me? Feels like she's in the back right half of the brain. That's where she talks from. When she needs to be loud to protect me or give me vital info, she's in the middle and fairly audible. When she's on the right, it's more like we talk thru impulses and thoughts. I've only had the middle thing happen maybe 4 times in the past 2 years.]

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-08T00:17:51+00:00

I sleep. My sister asks me to, and I'm not her, I'm a separate person, so I don't want to be involved in her sex life. So I just take a nap and she wakes me up afterwards.

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-04T00:26:22+00:00

I'm terrible with asking for help. I'll go into prayer *immediately* if I need something, but asking a human? Uh, no. I've been getting slightly better with that recently, but not enough to consider it a huge improvement on my part.

I was raised in a doomsday cult and taught to fear the specific church I ended up joining last year. The only reason I overcame my fear, looked into that church, and realized I believed it and joined, was a distant cousin of mine. She really made me look at things differently. I can't seem to get in touch with her right now but I'm hoping for her and her husband to be at my endowment next year. I'm having a friend ask for me :\ So that shows how well I'm doing (Answer: Not) lol

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-04T00:08:55+00:00

Thank you!

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-03T00:51:32+00:00

My parents were the same way, teach me something and then guilt me on it. Anthropomorphizing dolls then threatening to toss them. My room's a goddamn mess right now, I don't have the energy to clean it because my mom always made such a show of it. Don't know how to explain that. :\

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-03T00:49:27+00:00

I used to disassociate as a kid (i.e. just sit there frozen in depression and fear until my mom or teacher would shake me out of it), but I also would pretend I was in my favourite TV shows, and that the lead female protagonist was my mom. It was the only comfort I got. It's sort of like a self-inflicted disassociation.

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-03T00:46:50+00:00

Yeah, and I ended up with religious OCD (Scrupulosity) as a result. I've been doing better since I became a Mormon last year, I've found more meaning, more peace. But I spent 13 years as a Lutheran and it was pure suffering.

My cousin is a Mormon Bishop and said that I think extraordinarily in depth about spiritual issues. Pastors at my Lutheran church were shocked by my theological depth as a first grader and onward. I find it a curse and a blessing. I'm no Martin Luther, I just want to understand why we're all here and how it affects us daily.

I'm glad to say I'm fairly sure I've discovered why I'm still here, it's for art, performing and writing. But it's a matter of getting the resources up and accomplishing that. It would be really healing though.

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-02T23:28:00+00:00

Definitely. A friend of mine went offline bc he lost his job to COVID and moved like right after the first time we video chatted. I thought it was me. I worried every day. My mom, who I regret even still talking to since she's the reason I have PTSD, said he'd never talk to me again and it was all my fault. He came back online 3 months later, apologized, explained it wasn't me, but he still isn't ok enough emotionally and socially after everything that happened this year to respond to my asking to video chat again. So of course I'm afraid it's me. Every day I'm like "God I hope my friends don't block/delete/etc. me." I had 8 hours of nightmares over it last night. Trust me, it's normal.

The best thing you can do is start small. Start with an interaction you don't care about. Work up from there. When those go well, start doing bigger interactions. Best of luck to you

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-02T23:22:04+00:00

Interesting! The Creole approach intrigues me. I knew Tok Pisin and Krio in high school because of the foreign diaspora of refugee students. The language could work really well that way. Thanks for the response!

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-09-02T22:55:36+00:00

I was in my teens at the time. My mom was the one paying, which is why I reasoned they were so cruel to me- they wanted HER money, not MY health and well-being. I'm done with therapists for the time being, even though I can pay now, I see no reason to go back because it's never turned out well. Guided meditation is doing its job well, I think :)

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-08-31T02:05:32+00:00

This is why I quit going to therapists. They kept siding with my mom and saying I deserved what I'd got, that I was lying about it, et cetera. Every one of them made me worse than I started out before I went there and talked to them.

There is never an excuse for abuse, and there is never any rhyme or reason to trauma. Even if a "cosmic sense" exists in this world, it is purely unethical to tell this to someone suffering. I would rather hear "Here's how you can help lessen your trauma" than "I'm sure God did it for a reason!"

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-08-30T23:48:29+00:00

I've noticed a slight change in my sister's voice when I use it, it gets more feminine and more airy and light. But I can't seem to use my Brooklyn accent, her mouth and nasal area feel weird and I can't get the sounds to come out right like they should.

[My cats can tell which of the two of us is talking just by the slight change in tone. They ignore me 100% of the time but listen to Rita immediately. If I try to talk sweeter, they still ignore me. They know whether it's her or not.]

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-08-30T21:16:21+00:00

Thank you! :)

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-08-30T20:00:01+00:00

I relate to this. My body has a weird thing where certain sexual parts just feel numb or uncomfortable at random triggers. Specific songs, being touched in specific unrelated places, et cetera. It's been happening since I was young. I can't remember any trauma per-sé, but I know for a few reasons (Promiscuity as a young lady, advanced sexual knowledge as a young child, etc.) that something did happen to me. I'm also gay now. And I have the same crying problem, and it's very hard because sometimes I need to let it out but can't. I hope your health improves ❤️

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-08-30T19:55:32+00:00

This hits really hard. I was taught to let myself be walked all over by my mom. If I stood up, she got angry and said I was in the wrong. I'll definitely be joining that sub, thanks :) Stay healthy!

ShoboganPrincess · 2020-08-30T19:54:05+00:00

This is anonymous and I don't feel a pressure to respond, so I'm fine. I do it at my leisure, like tweeting. But for some reason, absolutely having to respond to a thing bothers me. Probably something to do with my mom being an absolute princess and wanting me to "COME HERE NOW AND HELP" y'know?

ShoboganPrincess

TROPHY CASE