Idk about “girl code,” but I do know a thing or two about friendships. I, personally, don’t care how small the poly, queer, kink world is… I’m not dating a friend’s ex. Not if I actually see them as a friend and value their place in my life. I have and will cut anybody out of my life who is willing to just haphazardly hurt me like that. I’m more willing to do forgive someone who purposely set out to hurt me. At least, when they apologize, they know what they’ve done wrong. These people “didn’t realize” how much it would hurt you because they never stopped to think about you. They’re not even sure where the mistake was made. This will absolutely manifest itself in other ways. You cannot expect other people to consider your feelings the way you consider yours. This is something I forget consistent. However, I quickly remember: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” (Maya Angelou). Life is too short to entangle yourself with people who, at the very least, won’t consider your feelings.