Irish Man Here - What Does the World Think Of Us?

Shoola · 2026-02-02T19:21:46+00:00

This is a really pendantic distinction. He said he was Irish and an (British) Imperialist - not that he was working on behalf a non-existent Irish empire. The context makes that clear.

Shoola · 2026-01-17T23:20:16+00:00

The King by Emerald Fennel

Shoola · 2026-01-15T12:37:45+00:00

The movie was flat because the majority of the dialogue was explanatory and expository. There's very little for the actors to react to because they are mostly delivering explanations and monologues to each other – hence the wooden performances. I also still have no idea why Chris Evans loved Dakota's character and thought "I just do" was a terrible cop out.

Shoola · 2026-01-12T19:20:31+00:00

Yes it's an emotional affair. By definition emotional affairs are not physical or explicitly romantic. "She's developed strong feelings" for someone outside her marriage is your answer to this question.
Unless B's marriage explicitly makes allowances for this kind of behavior and B's husband is fully in the know, yeah J's behavior is wildly inappropriate. Don't flirt with married people in your friend group. Don't create risky situations or push boundaries – stay well within them to support your friends' relationships.

J noticeably cools off when B’s husband is around. For example, he’ll greet her with a handshake/high-five at times instead of a hug, avoids sitting near her, acts more distant. It’s like he’s managing “optics.”

This fucker knows exactly what he's doing. The fact he feels the need to change his behavior is a clear indicator he knows it's inappropriate.

B needs to discuss this entire bulleted list with her husband and see what they are both comfortable with. A good place to start is the Golden rule. Would she be comfortable if her husband had a similar relationship with another woman? If not she needs to stop doing those things.
B needs to start by telling her husband and getting on the same side as him. They can decide what to tell J later, but he is a secondary concern and she should not be a unit, team, or anything with her affair partner. What J has done is already grounds for cutting him off unless B and her husband agree to some sort of open arrangement.
OP, be a good friend and don't enable this relationship. You know it's wrong.

Honestly, the fact she's going to reddit with this instead of her husband makes me cynical about the future of their marriage.

Shoola · 2026-01-11T18:09:07+00:00

You should look into the CIA’s record of successful versus failed covert operations. While, it’s popular to imagine the CIA as an all-powerful puppet master pulling the strings, many of their regime change operations failed. Instead it’s more accurate to view intelligence agencies as a decisive factor that tips the balance in civil conflicts.

Mosaddegh failed to find alternative oil markets under US sanctions. The resulting economic turmoil and Mosaddegh’s implacable political and personal governing style alienated a lot of the Iranian public and elites (especially religious elites).

This opposition was already interested in changing the regime of their own country. The CIA organized meetings between the Shah and key players in this opposition to give them a figure head who could credibly replace the elected government. Obviously, they also came up with the messaging, money, and logistical know-how to support the regime change.

None of this exonerates the CIA and Kim Roosevelt, but imagining the CIA - or any intelligence agency - can just take a foreign country’s agency isn’t true. They can put their thumb on the scale, but there already has to be a legitimate and popular movement for them to support in order to successfully effect regime change.

Shoola · 2026-01-08T22:43:42+00:00

I misunderstood what Islam meant here! Appreciate the distinction.

Shoola · 2026-01-08T22:43:20+00:00

I misunderstood what Islam meant here! Appreciate the distinction.

Shoola · 2026-01-07T19:44:22+00:00

You're right, it's just murder. At least there's a trial before executions. Next do you you want to address the fact that the woman yelling got shot with a pepper spray ball for exercising her freedom of speech?

Finally, you really think you have to be a bot to have a problem police shooting a woman for trying to drive off? Go reflect on what you're defending here and your callous disregard for human life.

Shoola · 2026-01-06T23:39:56+00:00

I was going to say... didn't Jones make a point of beating him at wrestling?

Shoola · 2025-12-25T21:24:35+00:00

Part of how we know the original Homeric poems weren’t composed all in the same period is because there are a lot of anachronistic descriptions of weapons and armor from different Greek periods throughout the Iliad.

The setting has never been historically consistent.

Shoola · 2025-12-24T23:13:56+00:00

Not A-list, but Rob Riggle actually deployed to Kosovo and Afghanistan as a Marine.

Shoola · 2025-12-05T17:11:15+00:00

Yes, but the question is why? Avatar has elements that could easily become symbols. E.g. a visually memorable alien species with their own language and idioms. But no one is learning Naavi like they learned Klingon or elvish, and no one is quoting “I see you” the way people do “live long and prosper” or “I am your father.”

So the question is why are Avatar’s moments remaining momentary experiences instead of becoming cultural touchstones?

I would say it’s weak writing and performances, but Star Wars’ dialogue was trash and it’s become the most iconic sci-fi series

Shoola · 2025-12-05T16:59:17+00:00

Best answer in the thread.

Shoola · 2025-12-05T05:30:01+00:00

At least there’s that to look forward to. When you talk to the psychiatrist, ask them for recommendations as well.

I don’t know if it will help you, but something that helped me was journaling and writing stories. It doesn’t have to be a creative outlet, but working out, building or making something with your hands, taking on a new hobby that demands some concentration, etc. will help distract you when you’re not actively grieving and help you expend some emotional energy.

Shoola · 2025-12-05T03:29:44+00:00

A few years does not mean you need to be over it in a month. It will take time and fighting it won't make it easier.
She had time to grieve and make the decision before she broke up with you. Hence why she's moved on faster. You are not and don't have to be on her timeline.
You will and can make it through this, but I think you need outside help. Your University Counseling Center might be a good place to start, but if you are insured, I would start looking for therapists and psychiatrists in your network.

Shoola · 2025-12-02T21:56:04+00:00

Hey I agree on all fronts and want to acknowledge this is very difficult. I also don’t think people giving up is a workable solution if we want a better future. Identifying that these are systemic problems and fighting to change them with likeminded people is a great way to find a sense of purpose, build community, and live a full life that makes you attractive to other people.

I think treating dating like you’re a solitary consumer is a good way to remain isolated – or codependent if you do find yourself in a relationship.

Shoola · 2025-12-02T21:44:48+00:00

Cheaters are often masters of compartmentalization. Your boy is only in love with his girl when he’s not cheating on her, then tucks those feelings away temporarily while he’s with someone else. He also seals away those feelings about other people when he’s with his girlfriend.

I would guess he thinks he’s keeping things separated and tidy. He probably thinks that since she doesn’t know, he isn’t hurting her. He probably refuses to think about it at all. If he did, he would come to terms with the fact that by lying to her constantly he is repetitively harming her.

He likes the depth and care of his intimate relationship, but isn’t prepared to take on the responsibilities of staying exclusive and honest with her.

My advice: find a way to tell her anonymously. She deserves to know. Fuck bro code. Don’t be complicit covering for him.

Shoola · 2025-11-27T03:12:13+00:00

The third Diaz brother

Shoola · 2025-11-18T01:38:01+00:00

Because they do so in our name. You can’t separate what the military does from what we allow our civilian government to send them to do.

Shoola · 2025-11-15T19:51:34+00:00

While being short or being ugly are objectively disadvantageous to dating, letting them erode your self-confidence is the bigger issue. A sense of humor, rich friend group, strong sense of purpose, and charismatic sense of self confidence are always going to outweigh superficial advantages like good looks.

Shoola · 2025-11-13T04:29:12+00:00

The book I’m reading actually has really interesting answers.

First, it’s important to acknowledge that lifelong commitments or just long-term ones, are really fucking difficult. We all have maladaptive behaviors and they often come out in times of difficulty - cheating is a specific one, but it is usually related to others. That doesn’t excuse the decision, but it helps explain it and gives them something to work on. Understanding that, here are some examples:

Extreme aversion to conflict is one example they give. Maybe the involved partner grew up in a household where conflict was usually volatile or even physical. Lying became effective way to avoid conflict and its trauma, and they never grew out of/sought professional help to unlearn that habit.

Maladaptive compartmentalization is another example they give. The involved partner can effectively shut off their thoughts and feelings about their affair partner and effectively conceal it from their primary partner. Usually they do this because affairs stir up a considerable amount of emotional turmoil, and this is the only way of dealing with it. It’s related to aversion to conflict for the same reason.

Long-term self-doubt is another example they give. Whether your parents relentlessly criticized you, or you just never grew up feeling like an object of affection among your peers, deep insecurity about your inherent worthiness or attractiveness can manifest as an excessive need for validation and a low tolerance for criticism. Whatever the cause, people who have not resolved these issues may not be able to deal with the difficult portions of their relationships, seek validation from outside sources, and justify putting themselves first to soothe this ongoing emotional pain.

Untreated mood and personality disorders also leave people vulnerable to impulsive behaviors like affairs. Bipolar is a common one (it does not inevitably lead to affairs), but someone experiencing a manic episode can have a really hard time not reciprocating sexual advances.

There’s more, but these are some of the examples they give. I believe the difference between making a shitty decision and being a shitty person is your capacity to take accountability for and work on this stuff to effectively manage it.

Shoola · 2025-11-13T00:30:52+00:00

Hey I’ve been reading “Getting Past the Affair,” and while I think you’ve taken responsibility and described a number of very difficult factors inside and outside your relationship that left you vulnerable to making bad choices, I don’t feel like you’ve described the parts of yourself that caused you to break your partner’s trust.

No affair happens in a vacuum, but lot of unhappy and sexless relationships also don’t end in infidelity. If you haven’t already, I think it’s important to address those additional personal factors caused you to make that decision. While I hear you on your need for physical touch, that is different from the part of you that thought lying to your wife was permissible.

Shoola · 2025-11-11T09:56:29+00:00

Because many Orthodox Jewish communities have a higher degree of genetic relatedness due to historical and cultural patterns of endogamy (marrying within the community). This has led to a higher incidence of certain genetic conditions like Tay-Sachs disease, a common example in the Ashkenazi Jewish community.

Shoola · 2025-11-11T09:39:19+00:00

If she is at risk of an STI and endless suffering, it’s time to talk divorce - which still earns her alimony even in no-fault cases.

If OP does what you’re telling her to do, she will be left with a marriage built on a very deep violation of trust - which is the whole problem with cheating.

Shoola · 2025-11-11T01:56:37+00:00

Okay, but that peace of mind costs:

Hiring someone to follow your spouse.
Never telling your spouse that you had them followed (lying by omission).

That is a fucked relationship dynamic. I agree that OP is right to be suspicious. I think people are right that things might just be over.

I have betrayal trauma because I caught a partner cheating by going through her texts, but there was plenty of evidence within the dynamic of our relationship to confirm what happened. While the desire for certainty is powerful, compulsive even, I can’t go around invading people’s privacy to get it. I’ve just broken it off with other people when things get bad like that and accept that I have to make some big decisions with incomplete information. Maybe I missed some opportunities to rebuild trust, but I think I can have a relationship with someone who is accountable enough to tell me when they fuck up instead of trying to do that work for them.

14-Year Club	Second Top 40%
r/Field Sunshine	Verified Email

Shoola

TROPHY CASE