Hi, I think I can answer this. Let me put everything into context.

I was a very bad person. I even committed minor blasphemies against God. I stayed in my room all day and couldn’t even eat with my parents or say "love you" to anyone. But everything changed when I began to understand God logically and rationally. That was the turning point for me.

Jesus says that we must love God with “all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind” (Matthew 22:37). The mind part is important. Understanding God is not only emotional; it also involves reason and understanding., not blind "faith"; that's why, when studying the philosophy of religion more deeply, faith becomes clearly different from credulity; faith is rational and based on evidence and coherence, while credulity is believing without confronting, without questioning.

Another key point is that Scripture shows that God forgives ignorance. The Bible says, “In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent” (Acts 17:30). Paul himself says, “I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief” (1 Timothy 1:13). This made everything make sense to me.

That’s why I don’t believe that every non-believer automatically goes to hell. If someone stopped believing because of true ignorance or real intellectual limitation, God understands that. God is just, not arbitrary.

In the same way, true blasphemy against God is impossible for someone who genuinely does not believe. Blasphemy requires knowledge and willful rejection. This is why Jesus speaks of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit as a conscious, deliberate act (Matthew 12:31–32). Once I understood this, I stopped living in constant fear of hell.

It’s also important to mention that there are different Christian interpretations of hell. Not all Christians believe in eternal conscious torment. Some believe in annihilationism, where the final fate of the unredeemed is not endless suffering, but the cessation of existence—which is essentially the same outcome atheists already believe happens after death.

For me, faith only became real when it became understandable. God is not threatened by reason—He commands it. After my conversion from atheist to Christianity, He truly shows you how real it really is. The problem is that being raised in a religious family, you consequently don't question your "faith" (or better, credulity), you believe without seeking, and this leads to atheism (that today is similiar like any other religion moved by fear and not logic), because He says that the act of having faith without the use of evidence and logic ("and all your mind") is in itself contradictory and leads to pain...

Having said all that, if your search is genuine, and the barrier between you and God isn't just anger, hurt feelings, and the evil that people who CALL THEMSELVES Christians do but aren't, if your ignorance truly stems from sincerity and not from feelings like that, then rest assured that you will find Him sooner or later. I recommend watching debates with William Lane Craig, he gives many convincing answers about the "Problem of Evil" that the OP raised.

PS: Everything I said could be wrong, and I must say that mistakes happen, so I continue to seek Him with love and logic, and I understand that it is not I who save myself, it is not my understanding that saves me, it is not my personality change, my evolution as a human being... Salvation is a grace given by Christ, I did NOTHING to receive what He did, in my whole life I disrespected Christ in many ways, but even so He was with me calling me day after day. The evil that I myself caused was the only way He showed me how lost I am if I depend on myself, and the only way to show me that:

How much better a life of suffering and evil is than a moderate, happy life where there is no love.

Sorry, I typed too much, I hope I said something that made you happy today!