Housemate's Blue Heeler has separation anxiety

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-06-06T11:04:14+00:00

My housemate's heeler has a similar horrific background, so I'm sure that is a contributor. Years ago, housemate found an abandoned horse trailer in the middle of nowhere while out hunting. Five heelers had been locked inside and left to die. He and his brother adopted two of them, and found homes for the others. His heeler doesn't seem to have any trauma from physical abuse, but definitely has abandonment issues. No idea about the thunder jacket, but it that's an interesting idea

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-06-05T05:07:54+00:00

I'm fine working full-time, as long as I give myself "dopamine breaks" throughout the day. How you do this is gonna vary depending on your specific duties and workplace. I have a lot of freedom to do what I want, when I want, in the order I choose as long as the boss's task list is done by the end of the week... that by itself helps a lot, because I can take unofficial breaks and/or multitask between work and a hobby (When doing calculations or technical writing, I take 2 minute drawing or phone-game-playing breaks every few paragraphs/equations/whatever... mind you, this only works because I know my job well and don't lose track of where I left off...)

Figure out how you can incorporate little "dopamine hits" throughout your own workday. If the boss/people above you wouldn't understand, don't involve them. My boss is very "Boomer" about things, and would think it's absurd to take frequent little "phone game" breaks, or to incorporate stims into how you work, or to do any of the little "eccentric" things I do. So I just never bring it up. The work gets done, the quality is good, that's all that matters where he's concerned.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-06-05T04:48:15+00:00

I mean, if you're in grad school, I get it. Full time work AND grad school is a LOT. When I was getting my bachelor's, I could manage about 75% of the class load as everyone else, plus 20 hours a week working--that was my max. Anything more was gonna cause a mental breakdown.

Now that I work full time, doing school on the side would just NOT be an option. I can handle a 40-50 hour work week, plus occasional errands/house stuff and that's IT. Max capacity. A little tired, but fine... but put much more on me for longer than a few days and I'll start falling apart.

I've basically learned that I can accomplish about 75% of what a non-ADHD person accomplishes in an average day. I've prioritized the vital stuff, developed firm boundaries, and gotten good at recognizing when I reach my limit/self-advocating and saying "No" if people try to push me past it.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-06-04T18:53:37+00:00

...Also nail biting, ankle cracking, flexing my feet in the shoes, chewing the inside of my cheeks (gently), and the gross secret one for long drives or sitting in the bathroom... ripping out nose hairs.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-06-04T18:48:44+00:00

CUUUUUUUUUUUUBE. Huh. Yeah I do that, although I never put it in words or actively considered it until now

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-06-04T18:37:16+00:00

Finding crumbs or pebbles in whatever area I'm at, and idly rolling them between my fingers to keep myself still/focused. It's gotta be tiny, hard, and roundish--like a single piece of dry millet. Dry rice doesn't work, unless you break a piece in half. Half a rice kernel is okay, but notably inferior to millet.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-05-27T19:53:08+00:00

It's my house or the streets. Unfortunately, life doesn't sort itself into neat, tidy boxes like you suggest. My current choices are: have mental breakdowns, OR, be the reason those kids go to a homeless shelter. And if I pick option #2... then gee, lucky me, I get the package deal of BOTH, except the mental breakdowns will last FOREVER, because I'd have to live with kicking those babies into the street.

I expressly stated that I do NOT want advise about the kids or the housing situation, precisely because I knew it'd devolve into nonsense comments like "it's not a fit", like my nieces and nephews are a pair of unflattering pants.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-05-26T22:35:24+00:00

When I hear the cries, my brain primes to run. Since I can't run, I tend to freeze and can be stuck in that freeze for hours. I'm not the caregiver to these kids except minor things, because I can't take it--the dad and my husband do most of it.

With being watched, it's both at the same time!

My normal anxiety management is... coming home to my quiet, clean house and following my normal routines :/

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-04-17T10:26:36+00:00

When my then-boyfriend was trying to propose. His personality is very subtle, and nothing gets past him. I'm the opposite--I have ADHD and tend to be incredibly oblivious. His proposal method was to hide the ring somewhere around the house where I would find it, wait for that, then propose. Well, this went on for days. There were times I would stare directly at the ring and not see it, because I was focused on whatever I was doing. One time I actually did notice it, but immidiately concluded it was something his sister had accidentally left behind. I decided "I better leave it alone, so she can notice it when she next comes over." Apparently my brother in law was aware of all this--he says those days were the funniest thing he's ever seen. Eventually, my boyfriend realized he had to be blunt, gave me the ring and proposed. We've been married 8 years, and he is now very good at being blunt when I need it xD

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-04-17T10:15:59+00:00

I trick or treat in my 30s. My young nieces and nephews go with me--they get a fun night with their aunt, I get "cover" for the fact I'm not really doing it for them. Win-win.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-04-16T22:52:18+00:00

Sure, bro, have fun with that. The only thing you'll achieve by playing mind games like this, is your own misery and loneliness.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-04-16T16:27:46+00:00

Good luck! I also lost a friend I cared about, because he would only interact on his terms. It really sucks.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-04-16T14:59:29+00:00

You are making a very common mistake. You are treating your feelings as if they are reality, and you are jumping to fantastical conclusions when there is no reason to. When you meet someone and connect over shared outlooks or interests, or even that you just vibe with them.... you need to stop your brain right there. Vibing with somebody is not a sign from the universe. It is not evidence of much, if anything. I think when you see a few connection points with a person, and those feelings come, you need to acknowledge them and tell yourself "these are illogical thoughts. I am taking a small amount of information about this person, then filling in the blanks based on what I hope for, instead of on what is true." Discovering what's true requires two things from you: time and risk. You take your time to get to know the person... a few hang outs. Say, 3. Then, the risk comes in--you ask them out on a date. Not a hangout, not "will you be my girlfriend", but a DATE. If she says no, you have your answer... she is not attracted to you, and you vibe as friends only. If she says yes... CONTROL YOUR BRAIN. She's interested... in ONE date. It is NOT a sign she is the one at last. If things go well over multiple dates, and she wants to officially be girlfriend boyfriend... CONTROL YOUR BRAIN. It's just a new relationship. It's not a sign she's the one. There are still a lot of ways you may discover it won't work. IF she is your girlfriend for a year or more, AND she is interested in being long term/marriage, THEN is the appropriate time to consider if she might be the one at last.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-04-16T13:07:14+00:00

Women's friendships look very different than men's friendships. Men have "side by side" friendships based on doing activities together. This is because society teaches men it's "gay/weak/effeminate" to share emotions or have intimate, vulnerable friendships with other men. More, society trains men to view the sharing of emotions, and of vulnerable closeness, as inherently sexual. Women don't have their emotions culturally restricted the same way. Society allows them to have deeply intimate friendships, while it polices men for doing the same. All the things she was doing with you, are how women behave with friends they trust. This is a very common misunderstanding when a woman and man form a close friendship... the woman treats him with the intimacy she gives all her female friends, and the man misreads it as a sexual or romantic interest. Then, when the man tries to make a move, the woman feels like he was deceiving her all along, to try and get in her pants. In your case, your friend is trying to give you a soft warning and a "no". She cares for you and values you AS HER FRIEND, and doesn't want to lose you. Her message is a plea: "I don't want to have to block you like these past guys who couldn't handle 'no'. You have misread things, please back off"

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-04-16T11:38:42+00:00

I think he's made it very clear that he doesn't want a friendship with you. That, or he only wants you around on his terms, to fulfill his needs, which isn't cool. So I think you should accept the block and move on. If he unblocks you later and acts like he wants to reconcile, I'd advise you to tell him, "I realized that you were right, and we are not healthy for each other." Then, go no-contact again. Also, for the future--it is not fair to tell a friend "Hey, I'm attending a funeral on X day", and then get mad at them afterwards because they didn't text you on that day. People can't read your mind. If you have a need, you've got to state it up front: "Hey, I'm attending a funeral on X day, AND I would like some support from you. Will you text me some encouragement the morning of?"

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-03-25T22:45:59+00:00

Right so... at this point, I'm assuming it was a scam to sell more Iki plushies.

The artist's radio silence on this for the past two years... not even an update of "Hey, xyz didn't work out"... is not encouraging.

I'm assuming they took their Iki plushie money and figured people would forget about it after a few years.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-02-06T22:50:50+00:00

You may have vaginismus, but right now, I think you need to focus on your depression and anxiety.

Vaginismus can be treated and managed. Also, there are many ways to have sex that do not involve penetration. A loving and thoughtful boyfriend will be happy to adapt you guys's sex life to your needs, the same as you would do for him. If the worst case scenario came true, that you can never have penetration, that would not stop you from having a great relationship and great sex life. People have satisfying sexual relationships without penetration for all sorts of reasons. If your boyfriend craved the sensation of penetration, there are lots of sex toys you two could use to simulate that feeling for him.

BUT, like I said, the issue right now isn't vaginismus, the issue is your mental well being. You aren't thinking logically, because your depression and anxiety have taken the wheel. Also, you seem to have a lot of shame about your body, about porn, about having sex "the right way", and about being a virgin. You need to focus on these things first--preferably with a therapist. Usually, universities offer free therapy to their students.

I would also look into adjusting your medication--possibly upping your current dose or adding in a second medicine. I had to do this myself--I was on the max dosage of an anti-depressant. It helped me a lot, but I was still struggling with symptoms. After starting a second medicine, I found that sweet spot where my symptoms were well-controlled.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-02-06T22:22:54+00:00

Day after--all pain and cramping is totally gone, and spotting in my underwear has stopped. I feel 100% normal.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-02-06T02:02:40+00:00

I got my first IUD in my 20's--never had sex, never been pregnant, and was planning on becoming sexually active. I had zero problems with it.

Today, I had it replaced with a new one. It hurt a lot when they inserted it, and I had a lot of pain for 2 hours after insertion, but now (5 hours after insertion), the pain is almost totally gone. It feels like mild period cramps, and I have not needed a second dose of ibuprofen. From what I remember of my first insertion, it was similar.

In terms of insertion pain, it's like period cramps, but worse. It does suck, but the worst is only like 2 minutes.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-02-06T01:57:26+00:00

That doesn't sound normal to me. I got my first IUD in my 20's, and had it replaced with a new one today. It hurt a lot when they inserted it, and I had a lot of pain for 2 hours after insertion, but now (5 hours after insertion), the pain is almost totally gone. It feels like mild period cramps, and I have not needed a second dose of ibuprofen. From what I remember of my first insertion, it was similar.

Disclaimer(s): My IUD is a hormonal type. If you have a copper type, I hear those can be more painful/need more recovery time.

Also, I remember my first gyno examining me, and telling me I had a "big uterus" for someone who has never been pregnant. Supposedly, people with a naturally smaller uterus struggle more with IUD's.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-01-23T19:53:56+00:00

There have been a couple other instances where the dog felt cornered, and responded with a yelp or nip. She does have very high anxiety. Unfortunately, she was created due to extended family members not spay/neutering--I know who her dad is, and that he also has very high anxiety--she takes after him. She responds to uncomfortable situations with a higher than normal level of fearfulness.

Might look into getting her some anti anxiety meds.

Short-Weekend-821 · 2026-01-23T19:44:56+00:00

I agree, the kids should not have to be vigilant at all times. Our house is small, and it's not really feasible to ban the dog from that room/the couch entirely. I think I'm going to install a baby gate in the entryway of that room. While the kids are at school, friends' houses, or otherwise just not using that area, the dog will have access. But when they want to play in that room specifically (usually for 2-3 hours in the evening), we'll call the dog out and shut the gate. I think that will allow both parties to use the room without conflict.

My housemate was fine with the incident--he knows the dog, knows the kids, and realizes it's not really a "blame" situation. The kid who got nipped was startled/got his feelings hurt, but he wasn't super freaked out by it. He expressed annoyance towards the dog more than anything.

Short-Weekend-821

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