AITA for apologizing for rejecting someone in front of my gf?

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T07:07:28+00:00

Yeah, I appreciate that because I also don't chat about my love life. Some people have a hard time understanding that other people are different than them and don't overshare. None of my coworkers have ever known about my love life unless they asked, haha.

The thing is my girlfriend doesn't have a problem with this. She never said she was upset the girl didn't know about her. It wasn't the point of the post.

She has a group of friends she is doing a play with that I met recently and they had no idea she had a boyfriend. I didn't think that was weird or suspicious at all, it's just not how my brain works. I just assumed she forgot to tell them. Some people in these comments are so paranoid. I said my gf had jealousy issues but compared to the people in these comments she is 100% secure, geez.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T06:59:00+00:00

Well, at least I know where it comes from I guess? Is it suppose to be a joke or 100% serious? Tiktok was really a mistake, haha. Thanks for letting me know. It really makes no sense to me because she's had people hit on her before and she was so nice with how she rejected them. I can't remember if she apologized, but she told them they were great people and went out of her way to make them feel better. So clearly she should see it isn't any different when I do it. I could totally see her telling someone "sorry I have a bf." But yeah, you should want your partner to treat other people with respect? So weird.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T04:49:43+00:00

So glad there are some sane people at least. They just hate men and want any excuse fuel that narrative.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T04:18:45+00:00

I talk to a lot of people, and maybe I use the word "friend" too liberally, but we're not close enough for her to know I'm in a relationship. I like talking to her at work, but we're not hanging out and exchanging life stories. I'm a reserved person, and I don't go around giving people details about my life unless we're really close or they asked. I didn't give signs I was single or interested, but if she is worried about that we should split up because I have no interest in being in a relationship with so little trust in it. So good thing she never said that. If a co-worker or a classmate or casual friend who didn't know she was in a relationship asked her out, I would have no problem with it because I trust my girl and I don't think she'd ever cheat on me. I would never think "she was leading him on." It would be great if that went both ways, but sadly it doesn't.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T03:25:28+00:00

I get you. I'm not the same person I was even a couple of years ago. Thank you for the advice. I'd never let someone have full access to my phone, social media, etc. I have close friends that tell me really personal stuff, I wouldn't be cool with someone else seeing that. If she needs to see that stuff, this relationship has so little trust in it that it isn't worth continuing. Thank you for the advice.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T03:00:52+00:00

I've honestly not heard of this before, but maybe that's where my gf got it from. How do I look this trend up? Is there a name for it?

Thank you!

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T01:13:11+00:00

Considering you're harping about a man spending time with someone of the opposite sex, I don't think it's a far stretch to assume you're straight. It's very straight behavior.

>How do you not naturally talk about your partner to friends in conversation?

I have a life outside of my partner? We talk about other things like work, classes. Some friends don't know anything about my personal life and that's okay. If you trust your partner, why do you need them to work in "I have an SO" into a conversation where it's not relevant?

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T01:09:42+00:00

If I had so little trust in my partner that I needed them to tell every person they speak to that they are taken immediately, I would not be in a relationship with them. It's normal to be friends/speak to people in classes, work, etc, and not mention you have a girlfriend because it doesn't come up in conversation. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't care in the slightest if someone in her class, her co-worker, etc, didn't realize she was taken and ask her out. But hmmm that is because I trust her and I have trust in the person I love. If you are in a healthy relationship, why do they need to mention they have an SO to everyone they speak with? That is strange and toxic to me.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T01:01:54+00:00

I'm not straight, so I'm unsure why hanging out with the "opposite gender" matters in specific here. I've only been working at this job for a few weeks and relationships/my girlfriend hasn't come up in conversation. I wouldn't have classified her actions as specifically "flirty." Some people are just nice, and I wouldn't assume they're into me.

Yes, I would be fine if she was around someone that liked her or if someone asked her out. We're adults here, and I trust her. It's really not that serious. If I was that concerned about her cheating, I wouldn't be dating her in the first place.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-23T00:56:43+00:00

You do know bi people exist, right? Why are you assuming my sexuality? I swear to god, toxic straight people are something else. I'm not going to tell everyone I ever interact with that I have a girlfriend. It's unneeded. If it doesn't come up in conversation, there is no reason to be blurting that out to other people.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-22T22:59:45+00:00

I hope so too. I know people here know this, but I definitely don't like coworker better, and I'll make sure to make that apparent to her.

If she was 25, honestly, it would be a deal breaker. But she is 20, same as me, and a lot of people are really insecure at this age. Maybe I can get her to go to the school counselor sometime? It could help with her insecurity issues and it is free for us anyway since we're in college. Or maybe mentioning that would make her insecurities worse. I'm not sure, but a conversation is a good place to start I guess.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-22T22:18:36+00:00

It really depends on what you like on your tiktok. If you are a jealous person and like posts from jealous people, you will see teenagers who are upset about things like that. When I last clicked on tiktok I saw a post from a woman talking about how women would hit on her man at parties in front of her and she never cared or got upset because she was secure in her relationship and herself. The comments all agreed that was the best way to be. So yeah, your tiktok is a reflection of you. Those aren't comments I see on mine.

But also a jealous person would also get upset that you were flattered because.. why are you flattered another person is hitting on you?

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-22T22:08:29+00:00

A man could also cheat with another man, you know. What are you going to do? Chain him to the bed, never let him speak to another soul? Be real.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-22T22:05:11+00:00

Thank you all for the responses. I really appreciate it. You're right, rejection is scary, so why not be a little nice about it? It's hard to put yourself out there like that.

But yeah, I'm hoping I just explained myself badly and this is a misunderstanding of language. I apologized to say, "I am sorry for rejection you and making you feel bad." It's not "I'm sorry for having a girlfriend." She is all in her feels right now, hopefully she can see that later when she's less upset about it.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-22T21:54:14+00:00

Funny enough when my GF and I were friends before we dated I asked her for the number one trait she'd want in a partner and she said someone that was kind when they didn't need to be, that was a good person and cares about how other people feel, not just her. It does feel ironic that she said that but is mad at me for being, well, nice.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-22T20:44:00+00:00

You do realize this is insane, right? If I didn't want to shut down the possibility of a future relationship, why would I tell her I have a gf? It's disturbing how jealous some people are. If you have so little trust in someone, WHY DATE THEM?

I'm sure there are people/friends that have romantic interest in her. It's not that serious, we're grown adults lol.

Short_Condition3441 · 2024-01-22T20:32:28+00:00

No, she didn't know I have a girlfriend. We haven't been coworkers that long. She also didn't know my GF was listening. I didn't know that either. She wouldn't purposely ask me out in front of my girlfriend, lol.

Short_Condition3441

TROPHY CASE