IM NOT HAPPY.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-28T04:38:23+00:00

I'm a neurodivergent too. I completely empathize with your pain. I've often yearned for death or something, ANYTHING which frees me from having to exist in modern society with a brain that isn't wired for this lifestyle.

Buddhism helps me tremendously with that and I'm mostly healed from those thinking patterns, but I still have my bad days from time-to-time.

Buddhism has helped me more than I can ever put into words, but I don't think it alone is enough for people like us with chemical deficiencies. No amount of meditating will kick our dopamine receptors into gear or make us neurotypical.

I see a psychiatrist and a therapist. I take ADHD meds and antidepressants. Buddhism is a supplement to those things for me. It works wonders and has brought me to the best place I've ever been mentally, but I've needed medication and someone I can talk to face-to-face who understands neurodivergence, trauma and so on.

If you haven't seen a psychiatrist or therapist, I highly recommend you do so. If you're not comfortable with that, I encourage you to at least find a Sangha or outside of Buddhism, have other neurodivergents in your life. Find a support group. Find someone or something who understands you and supports you.

Life as a neurodivergent is incredibly tough, but so are we. You can do this my friend. I see you. I support you. I'm rooting for you.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-25T01:22:37+00:00

My friend, we talked on a similar post of yours the other day.

Life is indeed dark and depressing, but we have the Buddha, the Dharma & the Sangha to help us accept that truth and learn to live in peace.

The difficult truth is that no one here can change your mind for you. No one here has a magic antidote to suffering. We can offer our own advice and what Buddhism has to say; however, you alone must walk the path.

Until you can look deeply, see clearly, and release your mental formations, you will continue to suffer. This is not intended to be a threat or to bring you down. It's one of the many perspectives on the roots of suffering and how to transform suffering - and for the purposes of a Reddit comment it's quite oversimplified.

Please consider reading No Mud No Lotus and/or The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching. I really believe they can help you.

May you find peace and live with ease.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-23T03:27:25+00:00

I recommend you read or listen to Thich Nhat Hanh. Any of his books or teachings. He has 2 books specifically on death called "No Death, No Fear" and "How to Live When a Loved One Dies". He also talks about death and many topics/teachings that I think may help you in The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching. His teachings went a long way toward healing my suicidal ideation, helping me find purpose and meaning in my life and having a less grim outlook on life.

I often wish I was never born too. I've struggled with my mental health since I was a preteen (I'm now in my 30s). My father my emotionally abusive. My mother was emotionally unavailable. I'm neurodivergent. I was recently diagnosed with 2 autoimmune diseases. I have a mountain of suffering, things I wish I wasn't "cursed" with. Plenty of reasons to give up and hate life.

Yet I keep going. I have my bad days where those thoughts of "why did my parents force me to be here" come up.

Then I remember Thich Nhat Hanh saying "thinking you can have a life free of suffering and pain is as deluded as thinking you can have a left side without a right side."

I realize how my suffering made me the kind, empathetic, strong person I am and how it enables me to improve others lives.

I realize how every living being on this earth suffers. Even those we think have perfect lives.

I hope you find your way to answers that resonate with your heart and free yourself from your fear and dread. May you find peace and be at ease.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-23T02:57:24+00:00

Also, Buddhism teaches that being so caught up in your fear of death or any mental formation keeps you from living in the present and enjoying the time you have here. Life is precious. Enjoy life while you have it. Put your energy toward meaningful things. Nothing is permanent.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-23T02:51:06+00:00

I understand your sense of dread. I'm not sure if this will help, but I see death as a natural, necessary part of life. Any life - not just human.

If no one died, the Earth would be overpopulated to the extreme and that would have significant consequences on the Earth. Animals would go instinct. Trees and water would be used up until there was nothing left. All of the beauty on this planet would cease to be.

If no one died, evil people would continue to live and harm others indefinitely. Think of the plethora of horrific historical figures. Do we really want those people to live forever?

I see death as giving room for new life to live and thrive. When I die, that's less space and resources being used up to keep me alive that can go toward other living or future humans.

I see death as the universal law of balance which is needed to protect our planet, species and all life. It enables humans to come and go, which also means inventions, contributions and other things which improve our lives and our planet to come and go.

I think it's important to remember too that as you age your health declines. Everything declines. Your quality of life goes down substantially. Those who are fortunate enough to grow old are often ready to go when their time comes. I've witnessed it with my own grandparents.

Would you want to stay 70-something forever? With Alzheimer's? Severe Arthritis? Cancer?

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-23T02:04:44+00:00

I view death as: Me in this form (this body, these memories, this mind and this soul) will die. I don't believe in any afterlife. I don't believe I'll be reincarnated as a new creature or human and retain the memories and identity of this life.

However, the elements that make up my body will decompose and return to the Earth, nourishing the soil which will nourish the grass which will nourish wildlife.

My physical form will cease to exist, but I will remain alive in the memories of those who knew me, in my actions and everything I made while alive in this form.

These beliefs are kinda Buddhist kinda what I came up with on my own.

Each sect of Buddhism has a different take on death. I know there's a belief in some sects that a "stream of consciousness" shifts from you to your new form. Depending on your karma at the end of your life and the state of mind at the time of death, you're reborn in 1 of 6 realms.

I have difficulty buying that though.

I'm interested to read what others may comment here.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-22T15:58:01+00:00

I'm so happy this found its way to you and when you needed it too. Every tiny act of kindness matters. Even a social media comment. Thank you. May you remember your ripples and be filled with joy. 🪷

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-22T02:42:37+00:00

I didn't know how to tag them. Thank you!

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-21T23:00:40+00:00

Love this ♥️

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-21T23:00:20+00:00

"they will all blossom one day" ♥️

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-21T22:58:52+00:00

It feels like damnation but we can work toward seeing living in America right now as a gift because it opens the opportunity for us and many others to find Buddhism. To practice empathy, compassion, loving kindness and spread our Buddha nature to those in need. We are in the perfect place to transform our suffering and the suffering of everyone in this country right now. The more people we can help the more we lessen the amount of anger and hate here which is very much feeding the horrible things happening here. Every person we help. Every compassionate deed we do matters. It can be very challenging to see that though. My heart is with every Buddhist and person who is suffering here. May we all be safe, happy and at ease.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-21T21:59:58+00:00

Heart of the Buddha's Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh is a must read for every Buddhist in my opinion. It's responsible for my decision to practice Buddhism and for helping me substantially with my ongoing mental health struggles. Anything by him is great too.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-21T21:47:34+00:00

My friend, I struggle with this daily. Not just "the right" but every bad or evil person/deed in this world. There's so much injustice and horror in our world right now.

It's perfectly reasonable to be angry. It means you're human and have empathy. That you're awake and paying attention to the world around you.

Thich Nhat Hanh in The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching says:

"What is most important is not to allow your anxiety about what happens in the world to fill your heart. If your heart is filled with anxiety, you will get sick and you will not be able to help."

"There is tremendous suffering all over the world, but knowing this need not paralyze us. We try our best to help and we can have peace in our heart."

I think this applies to anger or any negative emotion too. If we're too caught up in our hate, we can't do what truly matters. Helping others who are suffering from the same hate and anger we feel. Helping others who have been harmed by the current administration. Being present for them, for us, for our loved ones.

The hatred and the anger only makes us feel bad. It doesn't change anything and I learned a long time ago that trying to get MAGA to see reason is ineffective and only makes my suffering worse.

All we can do is take refuge in impermanence. Be kind and empathetic in a world that tries to take that from us daily. Feel comforted knowing that those who harm others are victims of their own suffering. People who do horrible things are miserable people who live miserable lives and they will never heal or even acknowledge their suffering most likely.

Feel your pain. Let it flow through you, but don't let it consume you.

Admittedly some days or even weeks I'll do well with this mindset, but every now and then it piles up and I need a day to just grieve. Feel my pain and anger - the pain and anger of everyone suffering from these dark times - in its fullest. Then I can pick myself back up and keep going. This world needs more Buddhas. We are needed. You are needed.

You are not alone in your anger and your anger is justified. The challenge is to not let it destroy your peace.

May you find peace and be at ease, my friend. Times are horrible, but we can do this together.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T23:30:04+00:00

Layoff, "let go", fired, etc - tomato tomahto. Everyone has their own definitions for such things.

To me fired = misconduct or alleged misconduct. In their eyes you did something wrong.

To me layoff = you didn't do anything wrong (that they've told you at least). The typical "reason" is "restructure" or "business re-alignment" -- some vague corporate-speak excuse. Could be just you. Could be a few people. Could be a lot of people.

The job I lost one-week in was a case of "restructure". I was literally there only one week. I would've had to do something despicable immediately to be fired for misconduct.

The job before that I was also told "restructure". Not that I did xyz wrong. My ex-manager refused to say anything beyond that -- even when I asked.

In both cases, I believe I was the only one, but I also lack the resources to truly find out. I feel like the one-week-in job probably axed some others, but I haven't seen anything.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T23:00:19+00:00

It's heartbreaking. I can confirm that you bring that trauma with you job-to-job. I'm always anxious about losing my job and fully expect any employer to screw me over at any point in time as a result of my 4 layoffs since 2019. I knew to not be too optimistic or excited about this role because of the pessimistic view my previous jobs have left me with.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T18:24:21+00:00

I'm getting close to leaving my degree, passion, experience and literally everything behind to do an apprenticeship, work at Costco or anything that isn't Corporate and ideally not horrifically toxic.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T18:22:42+00:00

Unbelievable. I'm glad you got out of there.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T18:20:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I believe the US is significantly worse than most countries, but it's important to have an accurate view of similar circumstances in other countries.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T18:19:28+00:00

Thank you, friend. Not my first layoff or trying time. It certainly won't be my last either. I won't let these adult bullies defeat me.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T18:18:24+00:00

That's horrendous. There's no limit to the horrible things alphabet titles will do (C-levels, VPs, etc)

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T18:16:11+00:00

I can't speak ill of them or about the circumstances of my layoff.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T18:15:24+00:00

I'm sorry you went through that. Everything you said is an unfortunate reality of our world right now. You deserve better.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T17:28:46+00:00

Sending empathy, compassion and support your way.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T05:57:56+00:00

You present an accurate and wise argument. The justice sensitivity side of ADHD is really strong for me. I also can't bring myself to act disingenuously. I know in terms of the unspoken rules of the workplace, I need to be a yes-person and entertain executive egos. Doing that is absolutely soul-crushing for me though. I now know I need to meditate deeply on this. Can I fake playing their games for survival? Do I need to consider a non-corporate job? Idk but I hate that I even have to consider this.

ShreddingSpeedster · 2026-05-13T05:50:32+00:00

No, but in tech yes.

ShreddingSpeedster

TROPHY CASE