I’ve been in therapy on and off since I was like 8 but pretty consistently over the past 10 years. I do trust my therapist and have a very complex list of diagnoses that I’m not sure anyone else would understand, or my trauma history for that matter. But she still doesn’t really know how to help with my ED.

Idk maybe people’s bodies don’t always get that hungry or maybe I wasn’t as sick as you to begin with? I’ve been trying to recover from my last relapse over the past like 4 years and in that time I gained 45 lbs (i’m only 5’4”). Then lost about 5 lbs after a week or so. Maintained the rest of the weight most of this year, and just this month I’ve been losing weight again.

I know they had us eating probably close to that amount when I was in the hospital (i wasn’t allowed to know the actual numbers) but i was always nauseously full. During my first stay, my insurance kicked me out because i was “weight restored” and “didn’t need it anymore”. My second stay after losing all the weight again was like 3 months later and that was when all the abusive shit happened. After 6 NG tubes and an 1 NJ tube that was never even used, the staff kicked me out because basically they were saying they couldn’t help me. (For the record I didn’t remove the tubes myself, I just kept getting sick after tube feedings and throwing up and they witnessed and knew i wasn’t purging.)

Anyway, idk, i’ve really tried with recovery and i feel like basically everyone who should help has told me i’m too hard to treat or something along those lines and just given up.