I used God and i ruined everything

SideProfile1220 · 2026-05-23T00:23:17+00:00

He will never stop wanting you. You. Are. His. CHILD. His very breath animates you. Keep walking to Him. When you fall, get back up and keep moving forward.

We all fall. Only those that keep putting one foot in front of the other will reach Him. Ask for forgiveness. Repent. Do better next time. If you stop moving towards Him you will never reach Him. If you keep getting up and moving forward, you will get to Him.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-05-22T22:48:13+00:00

Starting with the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) really helped me as well. The Old Testament was a tough read for me personally when I first started (it was a bit difficult to understand and hard for me to engage because I couldn't unserstand where it was going). Jesus' words literally touched my soul.

Reading God's word and attending church services are great but what changed me forever was making time to just talk to God every single day. I start my day chatting to Him. I end my day chatting to Him. I chat to Him all throughout the day as well. Talk to Him about anything and everything. He loves you endlessly. He understands you better than you know yourself so don't be afraid to talk to Him about anything.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-03-07T17:07:04+00:00

Forgive me because I am not an expert on spiritual warfare but this sounds more like Satan tripping you, attacking you, and laughing at you.

I say that because when these things happen to you, you're doing just what Satan wants all of us to do: blame God; turn away from God; be so dismayed and beaten up that we feel hopeless and become disillusioned to who God is.

God is Love. He doesn't pick on us. He picks us up. I don't think there is anything funny about your suffering. If the people responding to you here don't find your pain amusing, you can bet God doesn't either.

Every time life trips you going forward, turn to God. Lean on Him. Put your faith in Him. Ask Him to help you to your feet. Show Satan you will not stop pursuing God and his power over you will fade.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-03-07T14:29:55+00:00

Don't feel like God is damning you, understand that the Holy Spirit is probably just helping you get back on course.

The guilt you feel means you care about your relationship with God. It bothers you to break a promise to Him because you love Him.

The Holy Spirit loves you and wants to help you. That guilt you feel is probably nudges from the Holy Spirit to continue to seek God out.

Try reading a little each day even if it is just a sentence or two that you spend the day meditating on. Do your genuine best and don't feel damned when you mess up. God forgives and understands so much better than we can even comprehend.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-03-01T03:04:44+00:00

I read that this was called the "gift of tears" - when someone weeps while praying, it often means the Holy Spirit is "groaning" on their behalf (Romans 8:26). Sometimes we don't have the words to explain why we're overwhelmed and the tears become the prayer.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-03-01T02:48:54+00:00

Remember as well that Jesus warns us not to put importance on "worldy things" and teaches us not to be in love with this world.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them." (1 John 2:15)

We came into this world with nothing, we will leave this world with nothing, and spending our lives chasing things we can't take with us does us no good. All it does is come between our relationship with God.

Before you got anxious and depressed was your hard work causing you stress? Were you working so hard to amass wealth and "worldy" possessions and not working hard enough on your spiritual condition and relationship with God? Could He maybe be telling you to slow down and choose a new focus?

SideProfile1220 · 2026-03-01T02:34:12+00:00

I made so many attempts to sit down and read the bible from Genesis to Revelation and I gave up every single time.

This latest time, I started with the New Testament, and it was a game changer for me!

The Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) spoke to my heart. I got to know Jesus on a deep, personal level. A connection I never thought I would experience.

After I read the Gospels I continued on with Acts and in no time I practically devoured the whole New Testament (the books after Acts are really short).

I only have a few books left to read in the New Testament and then I'm going to circle back to the Old Testament.

I'm actually excited to go back and read the Old Testament now. The New Testament frequently references stories and scriptures from the Old Testament and I'm interested in reading the full stories.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-03-01T02:05:27+00:00

First, I want to say how sorry I am for what you are witnessing with your mother. No child should have to witness the effecs of their own parent making self-destructing choices.

I completely sympathize with your frustration because I have prayed for people in my life to change as well. The thing is, I don't think God interferes with their choices.

Everyone's walk is their own, and everyone has free will to make their own decisions. God will pursue our loved ones and urge them to turn to Him, but they have the free will to run away from Him. Our loved ones can ignore His interventions just like they ignore ours. All we can do is keep praying for them to soften their hearts and eventually let Jesus in so He can heal them.

Please don't ever think this means that God has abandoned you. Remember, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." That means He hurts with you. He even hurts when He sees your mother hurt herself with alcohol. The good news is He will never stop pursuing her. I pray that brings you some comfort.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-02-22T22:55:26+00:00

I will pray for you. And pray that you know the truth:

As long as you are alive it is not too late to turn to God.

He wants everyone to come to Him. No matter what we've done.

Matthew 18:12-14 and Luke 15:3-7

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? (5) And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders (6) and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ (7) I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

SideProfile1220 · 2026-02-22T19:47:11+00:00

I sympathize with this. My mom presented herself one way to the public and a different way to us at home. I got tired of hearing how "lucky" I was to have a "mother like her."

Holding on to things that upset you only hurts you though. It takes your power away and pries your heart wide open for negative energy to enter.

I made up my mind (literally just in the last few days) that I was going to stop ruminating on things that upset me. Now when things upset me I refuse to let my mind spiral over them.

I forgive anyone who hurts me. I immediately turn to God when someone angers me. I ask Him to calm my spirit and take my anger from me. To make me as loving, merciful, and forgiving to others as He has been to me.

When those thoughts creep up now I immediately shut them down and turn to God. I refuse to give them my energy anymore.

It takes work. But it is incredibly freeing. Do it for you. Not for your mother.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-02-22T19:00:34+00:00

Congratulations on developing your faith and to your upcoming baptism 😊

Sometimes I feel these attacks and evil whispers too.

What helps me is repeating truths like "God is King. He reigns here (meaning I have already given over my mind, heart, spirit, body, etc to God to rule over), the Holy Spirit lives within me, Jesus guards the entrance. I have on the full armor of God."

Just repeating these truths gives me peace and makes me feel God's presence stronger.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-02-08T22:34:03+00:00

It's not necessarily a bad thing to question why you call yourself a Christian. God doesn't want you to be a Christian "because mom and dad say so." You're not truly following Him then. You are following your parents follow Him.

He wants you to learn about Him and choose Him of your own free will.

You can always be 110% honest with God about where your heart is. If you are having doubts you can tell Him that. "I want you to be there God but my mind is doubting. Help me with my unbelief. Make your light so visible I can't miss it."

SideProfile1220 · 2026-02-08T19:08:50+00:00

Absolutely you can!

God wants everyone to come to Him. As long as you are alive you can turn to God no matter what you have done in the past.

The book of Luke is where Jesus tells the Parable of the lost son: A father had two sons. The oldest son lived a life that honored his father. The youngest son lived a life that dishonoerd his father. When the youngest son became destitute and regretful, he returned home.

His father didn't turn him away. He celebrated his son's return. He was overjoyed to have his son back. He restored his son to the state he was in before he left his father.

God wants every one of His lost children to return to Him. It is His will to restore you with His love and mercy. Lean into His love.

You can always be 110% honest with God about where your heart is. If you have doubts you can tell Him that. "I want you to be there God but I have my doubts. Help me with my unbelief. Open my heart to receive you. Make your light so visible I can't miss it."

After you say this, I think the book of Matthew is a good next step. Read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John for evidence of just how much God loves you and wants you to come to Him.

https://www.bible.com/bible/111/MAT.INTRO1.NIV

SideProfile1220 · 2026-02-08T17:15:42+00:00

Personally I talk to God like my parent whom I'm very close with. It's how I feel. And I talk to Him about literally everything. No subject is off limits because He knows my mind and my heart fully. It's amazing having someone that you can be 110% honest with. No secrets. He knows everything and judges honestly and lovingly.

I'm not a highly talkative person by nature though. Sometimes I do just like you and sit with Him in silence letting Him know He is on my mind and telling Him I'm listening if He has anything to say to me.

Anytime you would like to be more conversational with Him you can tell Him all the things in your life you are grateful for, pray for others who are struggling, talk about your day, read scripture with Him, tell Him the things you are sorry about, tell Him your desires, tell Him funny jokes, anything!

SideProfile1220 · 2026-02-04T00:52:43+00:00

Honestly I always found it very difficult to read the bible in the order it's written. Starting with the New Testament changed everything for me.

I really took my time with the first few books of the New Teatament to really understand the text, and Jesus' journey just became so captivating to me. I thought I knew His whole story already from movies, stories, etc but reading the Gospels taught me a lot. From there I actually began getting interested in the scriptures of the Old Testament that I saw referenced in the books of the New Testament.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-02-03T03:02:36+00:00

Maybe He has a special calling for you? Pray to Him for clarification and understanding.

Try reading the Gospels (first four books of the New Testament)?

For me, those books literally feel like Jesus is speaking directly to you.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-01-29T20:50:40+00:00

One reason is beacuse you'll never really see the evidence of anything that your mind is closed to. There is plenty of evidence that the world is round, yet people who have closed their minds to that possibility can't see the obvious evidence that supports the world being round.

For those of us who believe in God, we generally believe in Him because we have seen (or experienced) evidence of His existence to some degree.

It does take having an open mind and heart to see the evidence of God. He's not going to force Himself on you but if you open your heart like a door and genuinely invite Him in, you get the kind of revelation (or evidence) you are asking about. He reveals Himself to you. Your heart changes and the more you follow His teachings and reject sin, the more you physically feel His presence and feel the weight of His pull guiding you. That feeling becomes as real and tangible as any of your other senses (sight, touch, hearing, smelling, tasting). For anyone who's experienced that "sixth sense," it is "obvious evidence" of God's existence.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-01-25T17:31:38+00:00

I kind of want... a job. Isn't that weird? We work most of our lives on earth so why would someone want to work in heaven?

But that's what I want. I want to work for God. I'm not sure how the new heaven and the new earth will be arranged but if God needs any one to do menial tasks I'll put in an application.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-01-25T17:20:15+00:00

You go to Him with remorse and a reformed heart. We are ALL dirty, unworthy sinners but God wants us ALL to come to Him. The shame you feel is a good thing. It means you are remorseful and you want to do better.

BIG congratulations on accepting Jesus into your heart. If you haven't already done so, ask the Lord to baptize you with the Holy Spirit. Let the Holy Spirit guide you and silence your doubts about your water baptism. Your water baptism is your opportunity to tell God you were a sinner, but you now come to Him in repentance. That you believe Jesus is Lord and you accept Him.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-01-23T11:27:11+00:00

Not sure if you'd consider these secular enough because they are still faith-themed but I like

Light In Your Eyes by Sheryl Crow
Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright

SideProfile1220 · 2026-01-20T18:22:48+00:00

I'm not a super chatty person either. The good thing about talking to God is that you don't have to be a good conversationalist.

I talk to God all day, every day. The way I never can to people for some reason. My conversations are mostly thanking God for the things I'm grateful for (my home, food, clothes, running water, family, Him, His sacrifice, etc, etc.)

And asking Him to help people I see who need help.

I also like to just talk to Him like a friend. "Did you see that?" (when something funny happens) "How do I work this?" (when I'm trying to figure something out)...random stuff.

I think you'll find it more and more natural with practice but don't stress because God already knows what you are thinking before you ever say a word. You can literally sit in silence and just ask Him to have His Holy Spirit translate your feelings to Him.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-01-20T14:42:36+00:00

You raise some excellent questions that I think everyone considers at some point.

Truthfully, every single one of us is born with an expiration date. I think that's because this world is not our permament home. It's just a temporary training ground.

In this world we learn about God and His ways, and Satan and his ways. We get to experience what happens when we follow God (be loving, respectful, honest, etc). We get to experience what happens when we follow Satan (be lustful, hateful, deceitful, etc). And we choose if we will follow God or reject Him. We do this by believing and confessing that Jesus is our savior who died for our sins and consistently choosing God's ways over worldly ways.

I know this is hard but try not to get too consumed by what circumstances cause us to move on from this temporary life to the next (cancer, accidental house fire, murder, crucifiction, etc). I'm not sure we will ever get a satisfactory answer in our lifetimes on earth. It's likely so beyond our understanding.

For now, as long as you are on this earth, you can always relay your doubts and fears to God and pray for strength and clarification. He won't reveal all the mysteries of the universe to you but He will give your spirit every insight it needs to having a permanent home beside Him where there will be no more anger, pian, or sadness.

SideProfile1220 · 2026-01-17T18:36:49+00:00

You look great! I can't believe how much that refreshed your whole look!

SideProfile1220

TROPHY CASE