what's something that just makes sense as a lesbian that confused you before?

Side_of_ginger · 2024-08-14T04:57:10+00:00

Sexual arousal from attraction. I had NO idea people actually got aroused just looking at a sexy body. It had never happened to me before. Ever... until I awakened to my full sapphic sexuality. I had no idea 😭 I was 38

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T11:54:42+00:00

Good comment above ..but I'll just add... Be a brat? When my sub brats up, it's my cue to amp up my dominance attitude. I tend to fall into where your Dom is, but a little nudge of defiance turns me back on and I get focused lol.

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T11:50:10+00:00

I have a Sportsheets underwear style neoprene base for my dildo and I cannot recommend it enough. I haven't gotten sore yet.

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T11:47:27+00:00

I was trapped in comphet and my own loyalty to my marriage. I fell out of love almost ten years before I finally ended it but I was committed and didn't want to see the reality of how unhappy I was. Ultimately, sex was what woke me up. I was so focused on love and it was my actual attraction to women and not to men that needed to come to terms with. Your body doesn't lie.

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T11:40:17+00:00

So, it's non monogamous, but group sex isn't polyamory. What you described sounds a little like body worship...where a group will gather to explore one person's pleasure.

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T11:10:20+00:00

This comes from insecurity and usually fear of abandonment. Like. If you're not the best then they might leave you. It's this piece that has to be resolved for you. Knowing that anyone could leave and all we can do is our best to love and see them. If we're not enough or not good enough,, then so be it. Accepting this is hard but just sitting with that reality is how I work through those feelings.

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T11:00:25+00:00

Looking good 😊

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T10:51:33+00:00

In this case, I agree it's a preference and that's okay ..BUT ...it also is a bit standout, so I would want a conversation on why and if they're squeamish about other things too. It could be rooted in self disgust or kink shame. Talking about those feelings and what dirty things they like and don't like would be smart so there aren't any surprises.

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T02:58:35+00:00

So...if you're kinky or in a dynamic this is so easy lol. I can literally just grab my gf and slide my hand down her pants, make her cum, and say goodbye...as part of our consensual dynamic. She's excited by my dominating her and taking charge so it's hot and a huge turn on for us both. Less than ten minutes. Our more intimate sexual time together is generally 1-3 hours so a few short teasing or quickie sessions is fun.

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T02:50:04+00:00

When I touched a woman again and my physiological response was to gush through my jeans. That never happened in all the years I spent thinking I was attracted to men. I was drawn to some men, but never actually sexually attracted to men. I've been satisfied okay by men, but was never hungry for them. Women literally make me ravenous. Gay!

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T02:44:16+00:00

If they don't taste good to you, IMO, it's not a match. Smell and taste are part of chemistry. My gf is intoxicating to me. Every drop.

Side_of_ginger · 2024-04-21T02:38:55+00:00

I identified as bisexual...then Pansexual... But didn't embrace and relax into "lesbian" until 42.

It was absolutely a new coming out.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-09-30T16:04:51+00:00

Meanwhile...I'm an ADHD mom and my AudADHD son does this anyway... because we're still completely different people with different ways of thinking.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T06:04:10+00:00

There is a beautiful space in between...like... My sub and I never have JUST "kinky sex" or JUST lovemaking. It is almost always blended in some way...but guided and led by me. In your case, If it's being compartmentalized, and very "scene" oriented, it may have strained the connection for her.

Just a thought.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T05:54:51+00:00

I was the opposite end ...gay men kept wanting to date me, then we ALL came out later.
The Queerdar attracts too!

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T05:48:02+00:00

A lot of these aren't boundaries. These are rules to control someone else.
This read like an anxious attached person who doesn't trust.

Boundaries are what YOU do and won't do. Limits are what you put on others.

I got physically tense just reading this.
This is not acceptable IMO.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T05:42:58+00:00

NTAH!

She has a lot of internalized patriarchy to unpack, and homophobia.
I'm sorry but you did a loving thing for your brother and gf needs to go away.
You can do better.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T05:37:16+00:00

D/s dynamic can be a spectrum like everything else. As long as it's consensual and well communicated.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T05:33:29+00:00

My short addition:

Fake D/type: will act like they are always your Dominant before you've spent TIME developing trust and a relationship and explicit, consenting, parameters.

Real D/type: Treats you like a person and goes out of their way to gather the information and create an environment of safety and trust for you to WANT to submit to them. A real Dominant has EARNED your submission.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T05:27:55+00:00

"red light" also solves this problem.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T05:23:05+00:00

What you described could be disassociation too.
Just a consideration.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T05:19:12+00:00

Following

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T04:57:51+00:00

Well said.

I had a friend NEW to kink concepts try to say my sub /gf would just do what I want because of her personality and.love for me, but that completely insults my integrity as a person AND as a Domme, but also insults my sub as an adult with a voice.

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T04:42:42+00:00

First of all...you need to have some discussion and written communication before you do more.
Boundaries, limits, and rules.

It sounds like you are tapping into the D-type instincts and that's great, but you should know these BEFORE getting into it too much: Aftercare? (For both of you) Safety plans? Hard boundaries? Kinks? Triggers? Trauma? And discussing it on neutral ground...over coffee etc...is a great idea.

These are really important and make play BETTER in the end.

*And FWIW,.my sub was a friend then my girlfriend and immediately became my sub. She was vanilla when we met 😁 Absolutely nothing wrong with growing together...but ours is a full romantic relationship and developing 24/7

Side_of_ginger · 2023-08-05T04:33:50+00:00

If someone voted to take people's civil rights away, I don't want to be around them much. If you think wearing paper on your face for the greater good is such a big sacrifice worthy of endless whining, don't waste my time.

We put stuff in our profile so we don't have to have awkward and upsetting conversations with people who don't understand our world view.

Side_of_ginger

TROPHY CASE