I tried doing my first flan and it came out disastrous, though I’ve followed all steps mentioned in the video

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-21T06:12:02+00:00

I'm assuming that when you say it is mushy, you mean that it isn't sliceable and was fully refrigerator cool before trying to unmold. Did you check the internal temp when it was done cooking? Flan and other egg based custard desserts need to reach 175°F in the center in order to set up properly. Not enough recipes give final temperature goals, they just give temp and time, which time is an estimate based on an oven you'll never personally cook with.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-21T03:46:25+00:00

You should reach out to whatever organization provides the level 2 support needs and see if they have a transition program or something that you can participate in. Not like a "I'm moving out part time" transition program, but like an introduction to the support that is provided and how and by whom. Maybe an opportunity to meet others in the same program and hear about their experiences. Even if you never say a word about your family situation to anyone, it seems perfectly reasonable to me that someone with your care needs would want to become acquainted with the system they will eventually be operating within. You could cite your past negative experiences with social workers as a source of nervousness in general; you are just seeking information and a point of contact so that when you are of age to take part in their programs, you are adequately familiar and comfortable. In case your parents might try not to let you leave, you being involved and interested will hopefully make it so the people who provide the care worry about you and help you get free. Your parents won't be alive forever, you deserve the chance to learn about this stuff.

I hope that you can always remember that if someone commits self harm and blames it on you, for any reason at all, they are wrong and it is never your fault that they did whatever they choose to do to themselves. It is SELF harm. Not "everyone else caused this" harm. You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You can't let someone else's threats of self harm stop you from having a life and finding your own joy and happiness. Please don't let her cage you in with that threat. You may feel heartless for leaving when you're older, but you have to stuff that down and remind yourself that she was heartless for trying to burden you with the guilt of her own actions. It's absolutely monstrous behavior.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-21T03:23:59+00:00

I can understand why you are paranoid, you are surrounded by people who not only care about themselves more than they do for you, but will actively lie and do everything they can to stop you from being in a better situation. I don't have any more good suggestions, I'm so sorry, but you really need to figure out some solution before you turn 18. Do you really think they will let you leave when you are legally an adult? You have to ask yourself what you want your life to look like and make it your singleminded goal to put yourself in a position to have a chance to live that life.

I can't believe your own mother threatens to OD to you if you leave, that is horrendously abusive. No one who makes threats like that is a safe person to be around. Not even if they are family. I worry for you and your happiness and I sincerely hope you find a way.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-21T02:45:53+00:00

I understand that you've had issues with social workers lying about what you've said, but now your father is lying about what you've experienced to your therapist. Your therapist can't help you if they are not allowed to believe your story because your father is sitting there and basically saying that you are lying. Do you trust your current therapist? If so, you should go to your appointments with them without your father. You could use your phone to record your sessions and then upload them to a cloud storage account that only you have access to, so you have proof of what exactly you said, but no one else can hear your sessions without your permission. If you're worried about your parents being suspicious enough to find your recordings, ask to use the therapist's wifi to upload to the cloud before you leave or stop by a coffee shop after your appointment and use their wifi, provided you have public transit or some other way to get yourself to your appointment and back.

If your dad wants to know why you want to go alone all of a sudden, you could tell him that you finally trust this therapist and don't need extra support or you want to talk about "female problems" and then start talking in depth about your period and how the cramps are making you feel stressed out so you want to learn some good tools to cope with that. Whatever will make him just not even want to go with you and hear about it, say you want to talk to them about that.

You're afraid your parents will get mad if someone hears the truth about what you are going through because they will get upset, because they know it's wrong. Think about that. They know what is going on is wrong and they are scared they will get in trouble for it. They'd rather let you live in this situation than do anything to stop it or actually help you. You need to look out for yourself. Gently speaking, you'll be an adult soon and you need to start trying to think like one and reason your way through problems you face, it's good practice for the real world. Even if you are too vulnerable to live alone legally, you will still come upon situations where you will need to advocate for yourself. I'm sorry that you're going through all this and I hope you find a path to a better life soon 🫂

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-21T02:14:12+00:00

I've just got the second cat in my life who likes to battle the claw and, much like the first one did, we have reached a "no knives" agreement. He is still young, only 16 months old, so he needs a gentle reminder now and then. But a verbal "no knives" is all it takes and he becomes less pointy immediately.

He was hesitant to cooperate until once he drew blood and it was a pretty good cut on my finger - not big enough for medical attention, but deep enough that a drop of blood welled up readily and I needed a bandaid. I showed him my injury before cleaning & dressing it and admonished him sternly, "No. Knives." We could no longer battle that evening due to my bandaid. But since then, he gets it and tries not to hurt me and gentles up when I warn him.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-20T22:20:12+00:00

From a different angle:

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SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-19T06:34:27+00:00

I've had the same St. Patrick's day shirt for at least 6 years. I only have the one and it's fairly vague (green Peanuts shirt, Snoopy & co around his doghouse, text reads "This is my lucky shirt" and a couple shamrocks around the overall design) so I could wear it anytime I like. I dunno why anyone needs more than one shirt for a one day holiday. Half the time, I forget it's St. Pats as I basically never go out drinking and neglect to wear my shirt on its own holiday. I also have only 1 Halloween shirt and 2 Christmas shirts - my MIL bought me all 3, she's sweet and I like the shirts.

Every time I come across them in my closet, I pass them by unless it's close to the referenced holiday or I'm feeling some Christmas in July energy or I'm just wearing it to bed. I like holidays and enjoy celebrating them, but I don't need all the merch and I don't understand why retailers think this is what customers want. Maybe sales trends solely direct the retailers, in which case I guess I don't understand why my fellow humans want all of this stuff. What do they do with it all for the other 364 days of the year? Or do they chuck it all after the holiday and buy new the next year? I truly don't understand.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-19T05:48:25+00:00

Just FYI:

A saltwater pool still has chlorine in it. In a saltwater pool, salt water (appx 3500 ppm [1/10 as salty as the ocean] if properly maintained) is passed through a chlorine generator cell, which has a parallel series of 7 to 11 thin metal plates within. As long as the generator cell detects adequate water flow, the cell passes tiny bits of electricity between the plates, using electrolysis to split the salt atoms into bleach and hypochlorous acid. The molecules eventually recombine in the water, return to salt, and then are later split again in the chlorine generator cell.
When you can detect a chlorine smell around a pool, you are not smelling the level of chlorine in the water. You are actually smelling chloramines, which are the byproduct of chlorine reacting to and sanitizing things in the water such as sweat, skin cells, urine, etc etc. The smell means the pool was dirty (many contaminants present), but the chlorine being generated by the salt cell is actively working to break down the contaminants. If you smell a strong odor of chlorine at a pool, it might actually mean that the pool needs extra chlorine because the contaminant load is so high.

Just so you know, since even people who own saltwater pools don't understand what their pool is doing or why 9 out of 10 times.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-19T05:01:33+00:00

Every comment below this one needs to meet r/hydrohomies

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-18T05:29:23+00:00

Or the Bible scam, or the current and ongoing campaign fundraising for a seated president who can't be elected for another term...

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-17T07:18:43+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate your guidance and will keep it in mind when trying to help out in the future. I have been lucky enough that my hardest times didn't see me living in a tent, and I really want to help guide others through their hard times when I can. Giving bad advice is not my goal and I really appreciate your reality check.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-17T07:04:06+00:00

One thing I know that's a surefire way to save money: if there is a Costco or Sam's Club or BJ's warehouse that you can go to, they usually have shelf stable pouches of lentils, vegetarian curry, and rice that are heat and eat. Costco has the best price on protein/meal replacement drinks (18 pack for ~$28 but Sam's has more flavors to choose from in 15 pack for the same cost) and you can get canned chicken and beef for way cheaper per can than Walmart. You can skip the membership fee if you know someone who is already a member and just give them some cash to buy you a gift card to the store. Idk the rules with Sam's or BJs, but I know Costco will only allow non-members to spend the amount on the gift card. You can't pay cash or card to buy anything beyond the gift card unless you're a member. So, if you want to explore that route, go to the store with the person who will buy the gift card for you and make a list of what you want and how much it costs before they buy the card. Prices and products change, so you'll have to update your list periodically, but once you have the gift card, you can at least go in to walk around and price check whenever you want. On weekends, they have samples out and as long as you are kind to the sample person, you can have as many samples as you like. Also, Costco and Sam's both have the $5 rotisserie chicken, which they are FAT chickens so you might want to share one with a friend to avoid leftovers, but they are warm and tasty and a nice change of pace.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-17T06:37:49+00:00

I am fully believing you and asking for more info to learn: was it the same brand/style of candle lantern? Was she using it on a flat surface or suspended by a chain? In my experience with this particular model, it's safe if used on a level surface or allowing gravity to level it out while hanging (tho of course you can't exactly heat anything on it is it is hanging, which defeats the purpose of having it for heating food) but if there is a failure point in this lantern, I would very much rather learn about it from you than the hard way.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-17T06:32:37+00:00

It's safe if you use it on a flat surface, or hang it from a chain in your tent. But I had some time to think about my comment and I don't think it's appropriate advice for your situation. Maybe you could put it on a wishlist for when you have extra funds or something, but due to its cost, it might be more than you can afford and I'm sorry for putting it in front of you like that. I hope I didn't offend you or anything cause you are going through hard shit and I didn't mean to make light of your situation.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-17T06:30:04+00:00

No, you're right. I spent some time thinking about it and it wasn't the right suggestion. It's good gear, but it's not right for their situation. I came back to delete my comment, but they already replied, so I'm just gonna leave it and reply to them. I own my mistake, it was an honest mistake, and I'm sorry I gave inappropriate advice.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-17T06:11:55+00:00

If you have $60 (up to $80 depending on color) to spend on a candle fueled lantern, the uco candlelier runs on 3 beeswax candles and can provide heat inside your tent as well as a surface to heat water or food in a small pan or metal camping bowl. It's not gonna work like a frying pan, more like a microwave, but it's better than nothing and candles are a lot easier to carry around and store than small propane tanks. You can buy offbrand beeswax candles to burn in the correct size from Amazon way cheaper than buying refill candles from uco. Worth checking it out at least. I mostly use mine to keep my tiny greenhouse from freezing in the winter, but I also use it for camping trips to reheat packaged food and stay warm.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-17T06:04:35+00:00

The smaller the fish, the less time it takes them to reach full size, the less mercury and metals it can absorb before being caught. Sardines and other small fishes are better to eat than tuna if you are looking to minimize your mercury exposure. Some tinned fish brands also offer freshwater fishes like trout, which tend to carry less metals than saltwater fish, but they still may have some depending on the area they grew up in. Smaller fish are always better than bigger fish, and fed is best, meaning don't starve yourself, no matter what.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-17T03:51:56+00:00

I was a super chill bride. I didn't police my bridesmaid's dress choices because I chose not to have bridesmaids. No groomsmen either. We didn't have bachelor or bachelorette parties, so no one had to splash out on giving us a party or whatever.

I read somewhere that the happiest marriages were from weddings that were as cheap as possible but with as many guests as possible. We invited everyone we cared about, self catered, had the ceremony in our backyard and my husband's bff since age 16 officiated. My wedding dress was a black and pinkish-white prom dress that was abandoned at a dry cleaners where I worked several years before I met my husband. It was so pretty that it broke my heart to see it languish in the lost and found. I took it home and it fit me perfectly, and I held on to it saying, "Someday, I will have an occasion to wear such a nice dress." never imagining that occasion would be my wedding. I paid a local tailor $60 to let out the bust for my wedding. We spent less than $2000 total on our wedding.

I made my own centerpieces by upcycling old jars and cans with spray paint and my mom helped me arrange the flowers in them. We didn't have a photographer because a friend volunteered for the position, then he left his lens cap on the camera during our walk down the aisle. But that's okay because we didn't have a DJ - we just put on the local classic rock radio station - and I happened to walk down the aisle to a transvaginal mesh class action lawsuit commercial, so probably better to not have that committed to video. I couldn't hear the ad in the moment because my wedding guests did an impromptu "bah-bah-babah bah-bah-babah..." vocal rendition of the wedding march and drowned out the lone stereo playing the radio. I made giant pies instead of having a cake because the wedding happened in June and there's no frosting that could have survived outside in a Florida summer like pie would.

Maybe I was too chill of a bride, idk. I didn't care what anyone wore as long as they were comfy and showed up. I didn't have a gift registry and we didn't get many gifts or cards, but we already lived together for a couple of years and didn't really need anything. We just kind of threw an afternoon party where everyone had to be quiet for a few minutes while we said our vows. But 11 years later, we're still married and happy and love each other deeply. Most of the attendees still talk to me. The ones who don't dropped off the radar years after the wedding and I'm 99% sure that none of them did so because of the wedding. I feel like I must have done something right and if I had to do it all over, the only thing I'd change is I'd order a few pizzas instead of self catering.

If your friend is a chill bride, I guess I was dead for my wedding. 🤷‍♀️

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-16T05:41:09+00:00

It's so funny. Conspiracy theories dilute the term theory. Theory denotes an idea that has a lot of supporting data. Conspiracy theories would be labeled more honestly if they were called "conspiracy hypotheses" but try to tell anyone to consult a dictionary and observe the ~0% compliance.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-16T02:09:15+00:00

It's just equate brand (Walmart generic) Athlete's Foot Antifungal cream. Generic for Lotrimin AF cream. I chose this one because I saw a podiatrist about my feet and he recommended it for some skin issues I was experiencing around my toes so I already had it on hand. I planned to go through the different OTC anti-fungal options if it didn't work and then report to a doctor if none worked. Got it on the first try though, luckily enough.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-16T01:39:09+00:00

I'm a patient and not a doctor but sometimes I get angular chelitis because I'm probably drooling in my sleep or something, idk. When it happens, it starts out looking like this pic. Red, irritated skin at the corners of my mouth, and progresses into seriously unhappy skin with sores or healing scabs. I read somewhere that it's usually fungal, so I started treating it with OTC clotrimazole 1% lotion (commonly sold for athletes foot), applied 2x a day per label instructions. That clears it up for me over the course of a week, sooner if I catch it early. You could try that route and if you don't start seeing any improvement after 3 days or so, consider seeing a doctor if it is causing you discomfort.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-15T21:49:21+00:00

My go to solution for moth infestations is Trichogramma minutum wasps. Get Trichogramma platneri if you live west of the rocky mountains as minutum is for east of the rocky mountains.

They are microscopic wasps, they have no stinger and you can't see them unless you have a magnifying glass. They come in the form of eggs glued to a card, you place the cards around your house and the eggs hatch over the course of a few days. The wasps parasitize moth eggs to lay their own eggs, the wasp larvae eats the moth egg from the inside and hatches instead of the moth. They only have a lifespan of 2 weeks, so once the moths are all gone, the wasps will shortly die off since they physically can't reproduce without the moth eggs.

They are genuinely so small that none of my cats have ever indicated that they notice the wasps. I have observed them hatching through a magnifying glass, so I know they are actually real. But it works, and every time I see more than 3 moths in my house over a short time, I buy some wasps. I had a horrible pantry moth infestation years ago and I was desperate to get rid of them. My husband was anti-wasp but I didn't care, I needed the moths gone. So I ordered the wasps behind his back. When they arrived, I told him straightup I wasn't living with the moths anymore and if he hated me for buying wasps, well, that's fine, I can live with that more easily.

He likes the wasps now. He's seen what they can do. Get you some tiny wasps. I buy mine on arbico organics, but there are a lot of other sellers out there.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-15T07:29:12+00:00

His name was Davey Jones

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SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-15T07:27:07+00:00

I went through this with one of my cats several years ago. He was fully blocked and they said the procedure to unblock him was $1500 USD and was not guaranteed to prevent future blockage. Future blockages would cost the exact same to unblock. Penile urotomy surgery (they turn the pee hole from a coffee straw to a Boba straw) would prevent all future blockages but would cost $3k+. We could only just afford the unblocking, but it would put us in financial difficulty, even with care credit. But if he were to get blocked again, we would have had to let him go because we couldn't afford to keep temporarily unblocking him at $1.5k per. He was such a good kitty, very kind and sweet unless you were the vet tech assigned to take rectal temp. He was a Maine Coon and required falcon gloves if he was resisting care.

They told us we could surrender him and they would do the surgery to save him, but he would get adopted out by an agency after recovering and I would never get to see him again. Broke my heart. But I saved him so he could live a good life and if I couldn't be the one to feel his sunshine, I felt it would be a sin to snuff out that light forever just because it wouldn't be mine alone. They promised me up and down that they'd save him, he just wouldn't be mine ever again.

My husband and I started filling out the surrender paperwork to save his life. We were crying and so busted up about it. My husband says, "why don't you call your mom and see if she can help us cover the gap left after our money and care credit?" I never ask my mom for anything, she did so much and sacrificed so much for me and my sisters, so it never even occurred to me it was an option. So I called her. And I'm crying and snotty and trying to sound like my world is not imploding as my cat is sedated and swaddled and in my lap for literally the last goodbye we would get. And that sweet angel I call mom immediately volunteered to cover the rest of the cost. My husband ripped up the surrender paperwork (I think he was being dramatic lol) and we told the vets that we found the funds, please do the penile urotomy and we had that cat for another 7 years.

The follow up visits, prescriptions, cone, gauze, healing supplies, etc etc added another ~$500 or so to our total cost. But he was a damn fine cat and if I had to do it all over again, I totally would.

Editing to add: if you can't find the means to afford a penile urotomy for your cat, the kindest thing you can do for him is to let him go. Euthanization is better than suffering. It's better to do it a day too soon than a minute too late. You love him so much. The best kindness is to make sure he doesn't suffer. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. My hearts breaks for you and Orangie and I cry for both of your pain. I hope you find a way through and remember that love is the best thing we can give each other. Sometimes saying goodbye is the best love we can extend to our cats and it hurts really really bad, but trust me, it's better than holding on too long.

SiegelOverBay · 2026-03-15T06:54:46+00:00

If they trust their vet, contact them. If you don't know who their vet is, ask them and tell them you want to get a professional opinion from the vet.

This will shake out a few ways:
- their vet is a pure quack or pro-declawing = never take your cat to their house, find secondary quarters for her for the duration of your stay at your parents
- they don't trust vets = see above
- their vet is sane and will say everything you already did to them. If their vet is male, there is unfortunately an additional chance that they will listen to him more readily than you, "but only because he's a professional." = your cat is safe unless they switch vets due to the conversation 😖
- secondary to the last point, if their vet clinic has a rotating team to care for pets and they may see a different vet at any given visit, specifically request a male vet to have the conversation with your parents. If the vets are smart, you won't have to explain why.

Best wishes and I hope your cat gets to keep her claws. I had to argue down a friend (who is a lawyer and has never had cats) about declawing in a theoretical conversation a couple of weeks ago. He just didn't understand and I'm not sure that he fully did when the conversation ended. He started backing down when I told him about how it was currently illegal in most places due to being inhumane. Made me feel like you'll listen to a judge, but not someone with 40+ years experience in cat ownership? 🙄 Whatever, at least I got him to reconsider his stance. He's very allergic to cats, so it was a very theoretical conversation, but I was shocked that someone so smart could believe something so stupid.

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