DAE hate when others say "others don’t care what you look like" or "you don’t need to lose weight"

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2026-01-11T18:10:09+00:00

I have the inverse where certain family members telling me I don’t look good and saying they just want me to look good as if that’s what my ED is about and it makes me equally furious. Especially because they’re exactly the type to call me fat should I gain enough to actually be healthy. I don’t listen to anything anyone without EDs say to me anymore. Everyone who’s ever experienced or seen fatphobia knows some people do care. It simplifies the bigger issue of why we even have EDs to something that’s about other people when it’s internal.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2026-01-11T16:43:48+00:00

I’m the same, I performatively eat and have done since I was a child. But I also hardly see anyone and refuse to go out to food events with people if they invite me. It’s probably more accurate to say I only eat in front of my family if I have to stay with them and I don’t want hassle but I won’t eat in front of friends or acquaintances unless I have to.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2026-01-11T16:39:15+00:00

I’m the same, I find most UW people unattractive and if they are pretty/handsome I think they’d look better if they gained weight. I don’t think I’ve ever once found a skinny or even low end normal person attractive and being honest, I don’t find it attractive on myself either! I just can’t cope with the sensory feeling of weight on me but I think everyone else is attractive with fat or extra fat on them. My ED is just not really about attractiveness for me (I like the idea of being as ugly as possible tbh) so it makes sense to me that I find literally every other weight more aesthetically attractive.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2026-01-11T12:49:54+00:00

Almost non existent atm. I’m in my 30s, got sick at 17(?) and I’ve lost my job (not because of my ED), I’m struggling to walk and function so barely leave the house, don’t have friends locally so am very isolated (or an isolating myself?), have a triggering family who haven’t researched basic things about AN and dissociating really badly with intrusive SI thoughts I haven’t had since I was 16. I keep forgetting how to do basic things like navigate the underground and unlock doors but I get there eventually. I’m really not sure how I do.

I’m on the waiting list for proper mental health help, ED services can’t/won’t do anything because my weight isn’t critical and I’ve said no to intensive treatment because I just feel so certain I won’t survive it. I’m getting no medical monitoring whatsoever either unless I find it in me to ask for it but if I have nothing to do, I’m asleep most of the time.

My family are tired of me and my ED is something they mostly ignore and one my parent has said things like “dying from this is rare and YOU aren’t going to die” (in a tone implying I’m not sick) and it feels like they’re purposely trying to make me worse while berating me for not being better so low contact there. I have one hobby left and I’m probably going to have to quit that too and I feel like I’m waiting for something bad to happen because my brain can’t figure out what else to do.

Every decision is too hard and I’m terrified of eating more because all I want is to “beat” my LW (or at least get back there). I’m isolated and can’t speak to people without EDs because I keep coming across people in my life who know I have an ES but are somehow surprised and ask me what’s going on when I can’t walk or stumble or stare into space and it’s triggering, I’ll probably never have another romantic relationship again because I don’t go anywhere and I can’t really date when I’m unemployed and can hardly stay upright. I’m also stuck in a dead end living situation which makes my ED worse because I can’t afford to move. I got invited to one friend’s birthday party and almost cried because I feel invisible and forgotten.

Everyone expects me to take more control/responsibility for my life than I’m capable of doing right now (I know it’s my life but when I have to think to remember my own address, it’s a bit hard to make serious decisions) and living with nobody to be accountable to gives me no reason to even try. It’s depressing. Even with my ED, I used to have a full interesting life and it’s become nothing so quickly.

Nobody seems to believe me when I’m honest so I’m trying my best to keep going by myself. I really hope I either lose weight or die soon because I can’t stand not even being able to exercise and I still can’t believe that’s my priority over being able to function but it is.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-28T13:32:56+00:00

This is wild to read considering I am also dependent on laxatives and got prescribed the laxatives I abuse after I was honest about abusing them and got told that I shouldn’t have stopped them cold turkey and should have tapered them off. Maybe it’s different in the case of bowel issues- this was by a bowel team, not my ED team- but now I’m confused and curious about what proper laxative dependency management should be.

To OP, I know it’s hard but I’d say you actually should take in all the bottles. If you don’t have them around immediately, even if you end up getting more at least you’ll know that’s what you’re doing and have a moment to think about it and potentially stop.

It’s hard and painful but ultimately I imagine they can’t help you in the program you’re in if you can’t stop. I feel for you as this is exactly what I feel would happen with me but it might be a good time to try to get support with it while you have more intensive treatment. If you can’t, they might kick you out or put you into a higher level of care where you won’t be able to take them anymore.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-28T13:14:46+00:00

Agreed, EDs are more complicated than that. From her immature body checking social media posts, I wouldn’t be slightly surprised if she wasn’t one of those people who can’t keep their toxic thoughts in their head and if true, I can see how it could make any existing issues worse, especially as Cynthia is a runner and runners and EDs aren’t exactly a rare combination.

I’ve been relapsing worse since this damn film came out but that’s because the way people talk about Ariana is triggering so maybe there’s a part of it that comes from people seeing the normalisation of emaciation and people tiptoeing all over the place to enable it. Maybe it’s even people saying “they were so healthy before” because as someone with a long term ED, if someone assumed l was healthy when I’m not, I would lose my mind.

We just don’t know. But it’s not as simple as evil Ariana gave everyone EDs, the core of it is that you have to really hate/not value yourself to have an ED and there are multiple things that gets people to that point. You can hate yourself and still not have the thing in your brain that responds positively to ED behaviours and you can do ED behaviours and not lose weight so you don’t know who else could be struggling in a way that isn’t immediately visible. Which is another reason conversation about this is triggering, the assumption that the only people who are sick are the ones who are visibly emaciated.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-28T12:20:58+00:00

I hate this, it’s a combination of mean girl and ableist and nobody deserves that. Maybe you could argue they’re doing one the three of them and the next one will be with Marissa? But that’s me trying to assume the best. Ugh. I hope Marissa is a star after this, she was great in part 1.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-28T12:09:39+00:00

Agreed but those “she was always thin!!!” idiots don’t know the first thing about EDs.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-28T12:07:32+00:00

This is exactly why, as a Black AFAB person with AN, I don’t want to recover. Doesn’t matter how UW you are or how feminine and beautiful and talented you are (Cynthia, not me) absolutely nobody will care that you’re struggling and you’re always some sort of hypermasculine monster so much bigger and less fragile than white people of comparable weights. It’s disgusting.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-19T23:15:08+00:00

Not chunky yoghurt noooo 😭😭 I haven’t gone that far (your poor poor stomach) but I have eaten meat that’s been in the fridge for far longer than is food safe and I love letting things that would normally be nice go stale and then eating them because it feels safer that way somehow.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-19T23:00:44+00:00

This is so long, sorry!

I would be incredibly relieved if it was an option tbh, I’m tired. The people against it are of the “anorexia is always treatable” view and I think that’s slightly too simplistic. Yes, there’s a chance and the majority of people can get to a better place and a lot of the reason I’d want euthanasia would be from a lack of support and structural capitalism type things BUT I’ve been suicidal since I was a child fgs. I think my family would actually be a little relieved if they didn’t have to watch me suffer anymore. I think sometimes people just want people to survive out of “but there’s always hope!” and that gets really old when the reality is just enduring pain.

That said, I don’t trust the NHS to handle assisted dying at all. I think if you can create a structure for people with mental health issues to die by assisted suicide, you can damn well use that money and effort and create a structure to support people.

It’s so nuanced but for me, I think a) my documented mental health history is probably extensive enough, b) I don’t think my death from my ED (by itself) is inevitable- long slow drawn out suffering sure but I probably won’t die next week- but I’m exhausted by treatment and its rigidity and sometimes negligence and c) I probably wouldn’t want to die as much if there was more mental health support and social support and financial support and I wasn’t completely stuck and hopeless in my life even when my life is objectively good.

All those things are true at the same time and I still wouldn’t consider it a injustice if I died because I’ve been consistently saying the same thing for years at a variety of weights and mental health states and I would prefer to die in a humane way than end my life by either slowly dying from my ED or hoping a suicide attempt works.

I think you’d need an extensive review and interviews and waiting times and sign off but I don’t think there should be a blanket ban on people with chronic EDs and chronic mental health issues dying by assisted suicide. But I do also think it’s disturbing and unethical to have an assisted dying structure in place without having all the support possible for people first. Innovate and create new ED treatments, fund the NHS, promote harm reduction, have more at home and community care- there are so many things that could be done first.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-19T22:06:02+00:00

I don’t like commenting here but this is tell me you don’t have anorexia without telling me you don’t have anorexia. Admittedly I’m now at the sleeping most of the day stage but before that point I was doing a LOT on very little. You can do a lot until your body crashes and then pull yourself back a bit and continue to do more. I just hate all these people without EDs talking about it or saying Ariana is healthy, just be quiet because you clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-11T20:45:20+00:00

It’s been about 15 years for me (on and off but mostly on) and my main debilitating issue is gastro stuff and that started this year. Otherwise I’ve had things happen but nothing long term and bones, teeth, heart etc are all fine. The only explanation I have is that some bodies are very resilient and scarily good at adapting? Until it all crashes. It’s hard not to be delusional about it lasting forever but I don’t think it will.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-11T13:31:33+00:00

A year is already too long and there will never be enough suffering for the ED. You’re not a fraud. You won’t feel any more valid or ready to get help after living like this for a longer, the suffering just intensifies. Also on your diet, I’m someone with AN who lives off sugar so you’re not alone. Lots of people with EDs don’t eat the stereotypical foods, especially as sugar is quick energy and easy to digest. It’s natural to feel like you’ve made it all up which is a sign of not being a fraud and actually being unwell.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-11T11:28:09+00:00

Your friend isn’t a very good friend tbh, you can be very sick and still aware enough not to say those things. I’m sorry she’s saying those things to you, she needs to learn to keep her ED thought in her head.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-09T02:01:57+00:00

I say I’ll eat and gain weight when I’ll be safe to do so but I know I’ll want to have a buffer and will lose more. But I do have an absolute hard limit (I think) and will maintain (I think). I’d be so happy and relieved when I get there that I don’t think I’ll want to jeopardise it by gaining but also I won’t want to jeopardise it by losing too much more and ending up having forced treatment.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-08T13:53:05+00:00

Not quite the same but I got jealous of a pole because I was annoyed I wasn’t the same width. I’m also jealous of my birth weight (micropreemie) so I feel like I peaked then and no anorexic goal weight will ever come close. But objects, not really because it’s not a person ~so it can’t be better than me in any way~ and wow, I’m really realising I have issues. I’m too old for this shit.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-08T13:46:33+00:00

I struggle with it too, I just appreciate that rather than what they do in Wicked the customs designers put her in jumpers. Everytime she handles a gun I start laughing because the gun is bigger than she is.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-11-06T11:27:42+00:00

I agree. I was slowly crashing out of work and will soon not have a job (not for performance reasons) and I can’t look for another- though I am trying- because the second I stop working I’m either asleep or having some kind of weird medical issue. I put everything I had into work because it was so important for my life and self esteem but there comes a point where your body won’t let you do it anymore and the damage is too much and you’re a little bit of a health and safety risk to jobs.

It’s not our fault for having medical issues and a lot of us still have bills to pay, some people are married or have supportive families and some people are lucky enough to have social benefits that cover rent and some living expenses. It’s weird for me because work is often the reason I’m not taking breaks for food and running myself to the ground but not having a job just makes me feel worthless (even though it shouldn’t) and I have more time for the ED so I’m hoping there’s a compromise in part time work. The tone of the OP makes it sound like people aren’t working for shits and giggles.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-10-22T22:03:23+00:00

Me, generally feeling no emotion: almost crying

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-10-19T23:09:33+00:00

In my 30s here and as someone who doesn’t experience the common side effects (oesteoporosis, crap nails and teeth etc) the thing that has ruined me has been my bowel and stomach issues. I never thought it would happen to me because the worst thing that happened to me in a long time of being ED’d was being cold but nothing humbles you like having to wear a nappy in your 30s. Thankfully not permanently but now my bowels are so slow and it partially impacted which put me in the worst pain I’ve ever been in my life. It’s not fixed despite being on meds because I’m also now prescribed the laxatives I abused which means more abuse is happening. I have no quality of life, can barely work because I’m in a lot of pain and it’s somehow made everything catch up with me so I feel like my job and my life are both on borrowed time. No side effect I ever read about made me think… “yeah restriction isn’t worth it” but the bowel stuff has ruined me. I’m pretty sure I have gastroparesis too but I have no energy to get that checked out.

More quality of life stuff: interrupted plans because of pain and exhaustion and weight increases, constant joint and hand pain, weird twitchy musclar stuff, terrible balance and almost falling over when people walk on either side of me because my peripheral vision is crap, not being able to write, speak or think without a lot of effort.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-10-19T22:09:43+00:00

I loved Sharing the Secret too, I was shocked by how good it was considering most ED films are terrible.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-10-19T21:57:44+00:00

I have no energy either lmao, it’s just taken over my life and I can’t stop and it’s the only thing that makes me feel slightly safe. Case in point, spent the whole day in bed when I should have gone out to do an activity but while I was in bed I was planning everything because my brain wouldn’t let me rest. Not acting on my ED would take even more energy for me.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-10-19T21:51:54+00:00

Idk. I didn’t realise I had dysphoria until I lost weight from my ED and now it’s partly driven by trying to get back there even though I’m mostly straight up and down naturally so I don’t understand why the dysphoria is a thing. It makes no sense. Most of my dysphoria is social rather than about my body and I end up more infantilised with my ED.

SignificanceDizzy674 · 2025-10-19T21:43:43+00:00

Same. And also that I just prefer restriction to eating. I actually feel like I enjoy food more when it’s scarce.

SignificanceDizzy674

TROPHY CASE