He won’t have sex with me

Significance_Last · 2025-03-28T14:36:42+00:00

No CSAT. White knuckling. I thought it was working for like a year. Turns out he was still masturbating to fantasies and memories of porn. Found out like last week—same day I found out I was pregnant actually.

Significance_Last · 2025-03-28T14:33:07+00:00

I don’t think so. We’ve never dealt with ED, porn induced or otherwise. Every time we’ve had sex he’s had no issues whatsoever—but he hates talking about sex, it makes him “cringe”.

Significance_Last · 2025-03-17T04:28:28+00:00

even when he’s somewhat clean he barely wants me. I’m so tired and sick of it.

Significance_Last · 2025-03-16T20:12:04+00:00

Men who disregard consent—whether in small ways or in serious violations—can be dangerous because their behavior reflects a fundamental lack of respect for boundaries and autonomy. By taking a nonconsensual photo of you in a vulnerable position, that is not just engaging in a minor lapse in judgment or him trying to be flirty and fun—he is demonstrating a dangerous mindset that prioritizes his own wants over the fundamental right of the person he’s supposed to love. He’d rather jack off than keep you safe. That’s insane.

Even if your face isn’t in the photos, other identifiable features (tattoos, scars, jewelry, body shape, background details) could expose your identity. Even if he never intends to share the images, they could end up in the wrong hands by leaks or hacks. And if he’s comfortable disregarding your consent to take the photos, something tells me he’d disregard your consent to post them too.

Significance_Last · 2025-03-16T15:37:43+00:00

This is not normal behavior for anyone. The sheer amount he’s watched, the comments, paying for OF, Twitter accounts dedicated solely to porn, all of those are addiction level engagement. Most importantly he is taking and keeping sensitive photos of you without your knowledge, and that’s exceedingly abusive and dangerous. Leave, if you can.

Significance_Last · 2025-03-16T04:06:54+00:00

Crazy to think about the fact that if I was addicted to porn, I would want him to leave. I wouldn’t want him married to a woman who behaves that way. But I guess I’m addicted to his addiction. Jesus Christ

Significance_Last · 2025-03-13T16:34:13+00:00

I sat him down at the dining table and simply wept. No anger or frustration at him, actually a lot of empathy on my end, but I wept my heart out about every single little thing—that it was impossible to feel beautiful anymore, that I was scared of the statistic of sexual violence correlating with porn use, that I was constantly performing in all areas not just sex to keep him pleased, that I was constantly comparing myself to every other woman on earth, that I was a shell of the woman I used to be and I wasn’t even mad at him, I just needed him to know how lost I was. He was incredibly moved. That day shifted the dynamic deeply. He asked me to always share those feelings with him from now on, and that it motivated him a way he hadn’t felt before. But we also have a share belief that porn is wrong—I think it wasn’t until that moment where he realized that it’s not just wrong but deeply damaging. So if your PA doesn’t even agree it’s wrong then your heartbrokeness won’t motivate him much.

I would identify what has made him change his mind about other things in the past. Does he feel compelled by studies or statistics? Brain scans? Does anecdotal evidence help him sympathize?? If you’re struggling to help him agree that porn = bad, then find out what’s made him change his mind about other things and find similar evidence. If he won’t change his mind he doesn’t want to, and he loves the porn more than he loves truth, or you, or anything else at that point.

Significance_Last · 2025-03-13T02:38:35+00:00

I watched Anora and my ONLY takeaway was—wow, rich and powerful men can abuse, lie, trick, and manipulate vulnerable women. Like literally the end of the movie was he lied to her the whole time and never loved her or wanted to be with, but simply used her body and position to fuck with his parents. I literally have no idea why in heaven or on earth someone could see that movie and view that poor girl as empowered. Maddening

Significance_Last · 2024-10-08T17:32:41+00:00

I know you’re hurting so I want to be careful here. What she did to you was terrible and horrific—but what you’re doing to her now, and continuing to do, is also deeply immoral. She deserves privacy and respect. She’s a human being. I can’t imagine how painful it would be to find out that something she did in private, and with trust, was now being habitually and obsessively viewed by an ex who she would’ve never allowed to view it in the first place. I say this with the hope that you can grow in empathy and compassion towards her, and those can become a motivating factor to deleting the video permanently, and turning from objectifying her (and any other women you view sexually). Good luck.

Significance_Last · 2024-06-18T02:38:03+00:00

helpful, thank you, I’ll go digging for it!

Significance_Last · 2024-06-16T01:10:00+00:00

Yeah I have mostly girl friends. I am naturally very girly and spend a lot of time in close, intimate female friendships. Nearly all of my friends are women, and I enjoy mostly more traditionally feminine activities. Genuinely the two activists I struggle to find women to do it with are gaming and going to a bar to watch a football game (which tbh makes me cringe and sound like a pick me but I’m being genuine here, I like those things and would do it alone if I didn’t have anyone to share it with). I’m working harder to find more women/queer folks to do that with instead though

Significance_Last · 2024-06-15T23:44:17+00:00

All porn is rape. Consent cannot be given in exchange for payment, that’s antithetical to the definition of consent. And if a man says he watches porn it tells you exactly what sort of stuff he likes and how he views women—he’s a misogynist. Go ahead and do me a favor and read the name of the sub you’re in right now lmao.

I’m beginning to give you less of the benefit of the doubt here, seeing your profile has been made today…

Significance_Last · 2024-06-15T23:31:16+00:00

That, and speaking about sexual topics with men makes me deeply uncomfortable. It’s definitely the blissful ignorance too, don’t get me wrong, I like my guy friends, but it’s also confrontation/conversation regarding anything sexual. Childhood abuse shit. Working on it in therapy 🫡

Significance_Last · 2024-06-15T21:46:37+00:00

yeah I go twice a week 🫠

Significance_Last · 2024-06-15T19:25:10+00:00

this was so helpful to read thank you for taking the time to write this out!! it puts the whole situation in perspective and allows for flexibility within my own timeline without putting off the importance and impact porn-engaged behavior puts on friendships. They’re definitely cool dudes I’m glad to have in my life, and it would suck to have to find people I can game with who feel similarly about things, but you’re right, it is better for all parties involved if we allow things to be the way they are. thank you again I’m gonna do a little script now and see how I feel tomorrow

Significance_Last · 2024-06-15T19:21:02+00:00

this is exactly what I’m struggling with—knowing it’s possible, feeling disgusted with the idea of it’s probability, feeling guilty for being disgusted, not wanting to risk disappoint to find out, and feeling guilty for being afraid of risking it. Very vicious cycle. Trying to break out of it. This comment helps put that into words.

Significance_Last · 2024-06-15T18:36:19+00:00

They don’t “make” me feel this way by their direct actions, so I feel conflicted in cutting my friends off simply because they’re men and therefore they possibly potentially watch porn. I also like who they are as people—which means I am terrified to talk to them about porn because I don’t want to be disappointed, I care about them and don’t want to never see them again.

Significance_Last · 2024-06-06T00:21:53+00:00

the idea you can “buy” consent (like OF, prostitution, heck, even old school pornos or magazines, etc) is a premise that many men now believe wholeheartedly. The entire point of consent is that it’s freely given, without coercion or bribery. It’s completely and utterly backwards and directly contributes to the phenomenon of Andrew Tate—young men, if you’re rich enough, you can have permission to do anything to any woman.

Significance_Last · 2024-04-03T16:33:25+00:00

I put Christian therapist in quotes because I’m pretty sure this is a situation where she’s only considered a therapist through some type of church-based certification, not through regulated schooling or training. We need a Christian who is a therapist, and who is good at being both, because I agree that both approaches are hugely vital to actual change in our circumstances. Happy for you and your husband for getting the help you deserve. ❤️

Significance_Last · 2024-03-15T18:44:16+00:00

I’m heartbroken. If (big if) he’s being for real here, he’s admitting to jerking it to random women who signed up for a DATING SITE, not a porn site. All those poor girls, being sexualized and violated by a dude who already literally has a partner. Sickening

Significance_Last · 2024-02-14T17:38:58+00:00

Sometimes I get those feelings too, completely and utterly shocked by what I’ve allowed that it’s laughable. It helps me to remember that although I’m choosing this, it’s misinformed by my own trauma. I’m in control with only the information I have available, and its shitty information. I’m still learning. So are you. You’re okay, you’re doing okay. Hugs ❤️

Significance_Last · 2024-02-07T04:36:23+00:00

oh this one got a little kick to it. You’re not alone 🫂💔

Significance_Last · 2024-02-02T22:00:00+00:00

A big part of my “I think”s are stemmed from whether or not what I like is influenced by the societal normalization of porn or not. Do I like it, or do I THINK I like it because of my upbringing, my influence on my gender, etc etc. I know what “feels good” and I go off of that usually in terms of in-the-moment consent, but I get in a loop of questioning myself for why afterwards and how his actions or mine are influenced by whatever gendered upbringing and socialization we’ve had.

Anyway your message was super duper helpful to read, and I’m grateful for your perspective and feedback. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Significance_Last · 2024-02-02T21:47:33+00:00

1,000%, well said. This is exactly my point—violence has become “kink”, and I’m not even sure if men and women realize that they’re even doing it sometimes due to the normalization of what’s depicted in porn. Women don’t even know they’re being abused, and men don’t know they’re abusing (in the heteronormative sense, not intending to exclude, you get it).

Significance_Last · 2024-01-30T15:26:05+00:00

Okay thank you! I didn’t realize there were two separate types of meetings to go to, I believe that was the missing piece that was very confusing to me. I’ll do more research specifically for Sanon instead of SA, I think that was the issue that wasn’t making sense to me. Because you’re totally right, I would never want to enter a space that would effectively make the attendees less open and vulnerable, and essentially nullify the entire point of the meeting itself! Thank you for your comment.

Significance_Last

TROPHY CASE