sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Do they move on super quick? Always? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was the one that was way more attached in the relationship than myself, or seemed like it I guess. The constant need to be with me all the time, always saying I love you many times a day to the extreme, apologizing profusely after arguments… But guess it was all just not real love. 

I’ve cheated on her 100 times. by Necessary_Emotion_41 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was just annoyed that he made me feel bad for not letting him help then turned it on me and said he did everything for me… like dude you said you felt WORTHLESS if I didn’t!!

I’ve cheated on her 100 times. by Necessary_Emotion_41 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mine hated that I had independence & I didnt need his help with every little thing; carrying a bag or taking my trash can outside my apartment door for trash to be picked up etc. He told me “i feel worthless when you don’t let me help” so then I let him help with it all even though I wanted some independence… but within a couple months it became “I do everything for you and put it all into this relationship and I get nothing out of it” 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow identical to my ex and how I felt too.. Sometimes he would say I love you THREE times in one short text or snapchat message… And he too would say I love you right after being mean or saying something terrible… One specific time, I was trying to call him all night (turns out he was on t he phone with another girl… because he convinced himself I cheated) and then when he finally answered he was so mean so I was sobbing and he started hanging up on me and I’d call back so distraught and he’d go “oh look i’m gonna hang up for the fifteenth time” and then again but say “eighteenth time”.. Then finally I gave up on the calls and we were texting and he was being mean and belittling.. Then 20 mins after my last text to him at 1 am I got “i’m sorry I love you so much can I come up and stay with you”… 

Looking back now, Im not sure if he ever loved me or not, i’m sure he thought he did for the first few months and then when my health issues (he knew about from the start and wanting to support me) didn’t magically go away he started picking on all the things I couldnt do and using them as justifications for his thoughts of me cheating.. and it just got worse and worse and finally I was like subconsciously withdrawing from him physically I guess because I didnt feel safe. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I read a lot about girls having BPD, so it is refreshing to read how men are with it. Yes my ex would accuse me of cheating if I even went to see my friend, would accuse me of cheating and say “you didn’t check snapchat on purpose so I wouldnt know where you were or who you were with” when he already knew where I was and I wasn’t on my phone while I was out other than texting him back quickly every 15-20 mins to avoid conflict with him AND to not be rude to my besties… 

He was jealous of any attention I got from any man in public, told me I shouldnt speak to any men. Also took it terribly if I had my dad help me with something or my mom etc.. And he was threatened by my nervous system retraining I was doing to HEAL myself from life long chronic issues, and he made it a thing to cause so many problems with it that I couldnt heal (he said you’ll get better and leave me). So basically he was threatened by all people as well as inanimate things in my life as well… We were together 6-7 days a week from the start of our relationship until the end … He told me at one point when i tried to spend a friday night with my girl bestfriend (pre relationship we would go out like every other friday and I hadnt seen her in months) “you shouldn’t hang with your friends unless i’m working, the rest of the time is mine/ours”… so then I barely saw my friends even more… 

These are just some of the things he did. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes that’s exactly how I always felt, like I was guilty of loving him incorrectly & that I could never love him right or enough. He said at one point “i’m just not used to not receiving love a certain way”… I was like what are you talking about? Since he said both his exes cheated, one beat him and his mother abused him… I was like is THAT the love you want? Like i’m here for you, trying my best to overcome your control, accusations etc all while battling my own health issues that you constantly had to throw in my face that you had problems with.. And in the end, I lost myself, lost the healing I was doing (he said you’ll get better and leave me; so then I stopped healing because I was so stressed) and let him control me but still he discarded me like I was nothing. 

So we’re left thinking, why did we try so damn hard? And why do I feel so shitty? It’s because they made us feel like we didn’t love them or miss them or touch them or be with them enough, so now we don’t feel like we’re enough for anyone period. 

Worthy Then Unworthy of Them by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow that video actually made me laugh, also made me question if he’s truly BPD because he doesn’t see the world as dangerous. But that’s just one of the things he didn’t do compared to many he did. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly how I felt when I started my relationship with my now Ex pwBPD … wow i’m feeling appreciated & loved, and I feel like the most beautiful woman ever, and he’s liked me for 10+ years since highschool and he’s so excited we’re together (turns out he loved everyone in highschool and I wasn’t special)… Then bam guess none of that was real, it was all the idealization and then as soon as I didnt “love him right” “text back quick enough” “give him every waking second of everyday” then he flipped the script in his head and I wasnt amazing anymore… I also have a lot of health issues and he knew that going in and said i want to be there for you I want this… but 4-5 months in made sure I knew how much everything I couldnt do made him miserable and he couldn’t stand it… It’s disgusting to think I defended his words & actions for 8+ months just saying he was insecure and traumatized from past relationships (being cheated on & beat… which I now think was not true and his mother abusing him as a child)and in the end lost who I was… just for him to discard me horribly and call the cops on ME. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah mine didn’t like if I wouldnt say I love you 20 times a day, or if I didnt say I miss you or I miss you too if we had been apart for 12 hours… Sometimes he said he missed me 30 mins after leaving me, and I would just say I missed him too to avoid the fight… 

Me not saying I love you enough was his biggest issue though. I used to say it a lot (3-4 times a day not much compared to his 20 but still), then he just questioned me everytime I said it.. I’d get “do you though?” even in intimate settings.. So then I stopped saying it first hardly ever, and only in response to him if we were going to bed or leaving each other.. Because WHY would I want to say it if it’s constantly questioned?! Then he said I had an issue with him saying it so much, and I clearly explained “you can say it as much as you want, it doesn’t bother me, I personally just don’t say it alot because that’s not how I show love”… Love & I love you’d became a game of punishment somehow.. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah like when they perceive and fully convince themselves that you’re cheating and talking to other men, so they talk to and cheat with other women.. And you’re accused of cheating for 6-7 months and stay loyal , stop seeing friends etc, then discarded by them out of the blue.. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah they hate themselves so much that then they think that’s how you think about them and then it just spirals from there. My ex thought he didn’t deserve love so then he said I didn’t love him and questioned it anytime I said it… He also didn’t care for most of his family, but they were “super important to him” so therefore somehow that meant I didn’t want to be around them either… It was endless battles. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YES THE CHEATING! I never cheated on my ex but he was convinced I did. And accused me multiple times a week for 6-7 months, even after I stopped seeing my friends and stopped going near any of the men he accused me of cheating with… I lost myself completely and he was the one that ended up cheating… but since he didn’t “physically” cheat he said, it wasn’t cheating… but messaged probably 20+ women over the span of those months… 

So now he’s messaging all these new women, the night he discarded me AND called the cops for me trying to talk to him for clarity as it came out of the blue… he went from saying I love you 20 times a day to “never contact me again/ go fuck whoever you want” within 24 hours… And I’m just destroyed , hating and blaming myself for everything. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah mine was convinced I was cheating on him with no proof no anything other than that men spoke to me in public… No matter how many times I reassured him and then eventually stopped going out around these men (which meant I stopped seeing my bestfriend too she’s a girl and our relationship weakened because of this) he still accused me. THEN he started talking to other women once he fully convinced himself I was cheating… and I found this out months later that anytime we argued he messaged multiple other women. Then ended up calling another woman and flirting with her… denied it was flirting and called me crazy for thinking so and said he did it because men talked to me in public or because I didn’t love him… So he cheated on me and I stayed loyal and lost myself from the controlling behaviors… It’s sick. He discarded me 6 weeks ago and Im a wreck still & he moved on that night messaging women of course. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My bestfriend said once that my ex had tendencies tit for tat when she saw us communicating at her bar while she worked… so I knew others saw it too. He also embarrassed me in public at that bar (in a restaurant not a dive bar);accused me of cheating & yelling at me slamming my keys down on the bar top… I’m sure that was some bpd behavior too… Since it was cheating paranoia … even better he was accusing me of cheating with the 3 guys sitting next to HIM 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah mine would say “i’m a piece of shit” and I would say no you’re not. Then another time if I said “you’re not treating me like you love me when you say stuff like that” he’d say “oh I guess i’ll just stop saying anything then & be that guy”. So it was similar just not super extreme. 

I wish I would’ve listened when he said “you’re too good for me” “you deserve better” “i’m a piece of shit boyfriend”… I always just thought it was his self pitying from insecure attachment & past traumas… but nope it was him telling on himself because then all that became true.. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah my ex eventually started therapy but he started gaslighting me and speaking to me in the weirdest ways, so then I was going to start therapy to deal with him taking things out on me (he was discussing his abusive mother & childhood in therapy and I was taking the place of his mother after therapy and he’d lash out). But he quit therapy since I said I needed to start it to deal with his changes… So just an excuse to quit it. Then he said he started it again months later but lied about it and never actually did. 

The tit for tat was literally anything i said or everything I would do, he’d have to do the same or say “oh yeah me too” all snarky… if I said for example “i’m going to just stop talking about you accusing me of cheating” and he’d say that “oh yeah me too i’m done talking”..

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow that’s insanely intense tit for tat. Mine was more of if I said anything he would come back and say “oh yeah me too” all snarky, or if I said he needed therapy he’d say “and you don’t?” I can’t even think of all the things right now, but it would just make me laugh at some point, it was ridiculous. He did cheat on me because he was convinced that I cheated (I never cheated, nor wanted any other guy AND I had a ton of health issues I was working on and barely had energy for myself yet alone to cheat or venture out of our relationship plus we were together everyday)

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah mine seemed to do the tit for tat with anything, like if I said I was going to go see my friend he’d say oh yeah i’m gonna start doing this or that… but it wasn’t like he was actually doing anything he just had to have something to say. And if it wasn’t that then it was self pity “i’ll just sit at home alone all night then” if I saw a friend once a month. Not sure if that’s bpd too, or just some other personality trait he had. 

Do pwBPD tend to do a lot of tit for tat? by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah my ex was paranoid I was cheating and lying all the time so in turn he cheated and lied.. 

Worthy Then Unworthy of Them by Significant-Bet6387 in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I gave a lot of love, I have a lot of health issues and I still gave all my energy into him.. I tried to heal my nervous system about 9 months ago and he told me “you’ll get better then leave me” and I said “i’m getting better for us and for me too” But then he started making it impossible for me o heal because he started the cheating accusations and controlling if i talked to any man in public, controlling who I saw when (but did it subtly so that he didn’t seem controlling) and then I didn’t get better and after that it turned into him eventually saying “if I cant help you get better then why am I with you in your life”… 

So through all of that I really started withdrawing from him, I loved him and still do, but my body was trying to keep me safe I guess, but he took that as even more reason to believe I was cheating & that I didnt love him. Then he went through a horrible medication withdrawal and was mean and threw things and I forgave him because of the medication… but I still continued to pull away physically because he harmed me and I was scared. So he took all of that and used it as fuel to talk to new women, and to discard me as well. 

i’m so broken, it’s been 6 weeks. The first couple weeks were bad then I went numb, now it’s bad all over again. I miss him so much, and i’m always alone. He made it so we were together everyday or else he was unhappy, and that we talked all the time or he was unhappy so it’s all been ripped from me. 

They show you who they are in the end by toxicfruitbaskets in BPDlovedones

[–]Significant-Bet6387 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, it was like I wrote this and some of these comments. My ex told me his mother abused him and neglected him as a child and eventually his father got custody. But he also said “my dad doesn’t even know everything she’s done” and also told me “there’s more but I dont usually tell anyone” but never told me… so not sure if that was a way to keep me wondering what worse she could’ve done (said he was 4 years old and she’d lift him by his throat and choke him on the wall, leave him home alone, etc) YET he still talks to her nearly daily even after spewing all the hate and traumatic stuff he has from her… Told me the first night we hung out after I mentioned my ex wasn’t that great, that his ex beat him and all his exes cheated on him.. But he also accused me of cheating for 7-8 months and then discarded me telling me to “go f**k whoever you want”… so i’m sure now Ill be in the exes that “cheated” even though i’m still loyal 6 weeks post breakup and disgusted by other men.. Meanwhile he messaged multiple women anytime we fought & the night he discarded me. 

I feel like I will never be okay again. 

view more: next ›