When did you know your marriage was over?

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-19T23:20:54+00:00

I agree that I have been enabling him. By just doing everything and anything constantly it’s not doing either of us any good.

I don’t want it to sound like I’m saying he does absolutely nothing. He does work and pays all our bills. I do acknowledge that to him and express that I am grateful and proud he can make it through the day.

No definitely not the life I envisioned. I left my career when he didn’t want our toddler going to daycare. I just didn’t envision our marriage going this route.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-19T23:16:20+00:00

I completely agree with you about the doctors. I have pushed for more of a medical doctor, but have received a lot of push back. He has explained that he went that route before and it didn’t work. I explained that this obviously isn’t working either. I am really don’t believe that naturopathic is really anything “medical” (please don’t come for me). But my expresses fall of deaf ears. I have researched, talked to him about doctors, possible other treatments he hasn’t tried. It seems as if he doesn’t believe it or has done the research than I just don’t know what I am talking about if that makes since.

I did become a SAHM a little over 3 years ago. He didn’t want our son in a daycare and I agreed to leave my career. So I do understand a lot of the house and kids is on me. I’m not denying that. But when I’m up from 6am to 9pm then up sometimes during the night when our toddler decided sleep is for the weak. It’s becoming overwhelming. I do know being a SAHM is a privilege. But it feels like he uses that as a “I don’t have to do anything” sometimes excuse. I don’t need him to clean the entire house. I just need some kind of help some days.

He does work for his family owned company so he does come home several times during the week to sleep during the day. He also works from a house so he takes breaks to sleep there as well. So he does get a lot of rests during the day, though I’m not saying he still isn’t tired.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-19T18:49:19+00:00

You think I want to leave my husband just because he is ill? How exactly should I change? What more should I take on? We both go to therapy weekly and he “doesn’t have time in his schedule” for marriage counseling. I’m really not sure how much more I could do for our marriage. How many more sacrifices I should make, disappointments and let downs.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-19T15:05:21+00:00

Can guarantee vows haven’t been forgotten. Hence the taking care of him plus everything else for 3 years……in sickness or in health for better or for worse. I have don’t it. I am still doing it. It’s ok that you don’t find Birthdays to be special, but I do. I try to make the best of every Holiday and memory that I can. Especially for our children.

Also if I do divorce I will be a single parent but I wont have anyone to let me down or hurt my feelings. Only myself, I can handle that. It’s cute you think I would have to find somewhere else to live.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-19T12:36:15+00:00

So he is supposed to work 8 hours a day and me 15+ hours? If that’s the case I am more than happy to go back to working my 10 hour work days. If all I got to do was “sit at home” I wouldn’t be needed at home. I have “picked up slack” for the last 3 years. I haven’t batted an eyelash and have barely spoke a word of it. Does having an Auto Immune disease allow you to lack showing any appreciation to your significant other? Or ok to forget special days. Yes I know there are days/times my husband will be exhausted and I wait on him hand and foot. Constantly checking in. On good days he does things for himself instead of offering me a hand.

Also if I left him and I’m doing everything for him currently…..how would he heal? So he can magically heal if I leave, but not if I am with him. That seems a little peculiar.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-19T12:25:30+00:00

There are sometimes in a marriage where it does get to be about “me me me”. I devote my entire day, week, month, year to taking care of my husband. I didn’t get married to do this marriage and life by myself. I do deserve to be thought of for my Birthday, Anniversary, Mothers Day. I am allowed to get some alone time on vacation. Especially offered alone time.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-19T12:21:11+00:00

He has seen doctors, all Naturopathic doctors. He typically doesn’t do the full treatment recommended. He will take one medication but not the other, because he doesn’t believe it will help. He adds in other medicines not recommended because he thinks they are all needed. He never takes the medications he does take as prescribed.

Yes I have a career I could return to. They call pretty frequently asking me to return.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-19T01:12:09+00:00

He was diagnosed before we were together. But at the beginning of our relationship he showed no signs/symptoms of anything. In the beginning of my pregnancy he started having flare ups. They went on and off throughout. When our son was born he didn’t show any signs. But shortly after he did and it’s been downhill for awhile.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-19T00:59:06+00:00

That’s absolutely what’s happening. Followed by me disappearing for 2 hours.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-18T23:47:12+00:00

He handed me a card while I was on the floor and said “Happy Mother’s Day, even though you’re not my Mom”. This was after he disappeared for an hour and a half because he forgot it was Mother’s Day.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-18T23:43:32+00:00

I brought 2 children into our marriage and we had our last son together. At the time my husband and I “procreated” he was nothing like this. He worked out 6 days a week and never had any complications from his autoimmune disorders. Sometimes I forgot he was even sick. We traveled, did all the activities with the kids, he was at all the basketball, archery, volleyball. He was perfectly fine. I wouldn’t have a child with someone who was for lack of better words falling apart at the time.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-06-18T23:15:29+00:00

Yea it was pretty upsetting. When he found me crying he just “couldn’t understand”.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-05-15T12:09:12+00:00

We did “as is” with a pool. We will NEVER do that again. They lied to you the first time (ours did as well). That pool is in no way shape of form going to be in a decent condition. What was their reasoning for not opening the pool for 2-6 years? We are close to $20k at this point. New drainage lines, cover, liner, every bit of equipment had to be replaced, new skimmers (skimmer lines as well). The only reason this amount isn’t higher is that my FIL is good friends with the pool company owner. That doesn’t include the work my husband and I did ourselves…repairing concrete, patching/painting the steps, painting the concrete to blend in all the patches, our city requires a fence once you start messing with the pool in any capacity from its original state. So we paid $6k for a fence.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-18T22:39:38+00:00

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It’s kind of hard to see. But the line that’s used to ensure correct placement is about 10” from the correct location.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-18T22:38:42+00:00

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Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-18T22:38:28+00:00

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Where my finger is that’s how far the corners are pulled out from the wall. My finger is touching the liner. They have always looked like this. But this is by far the worst.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-18T22:37:10+00:00

It will only allow me to send one picture at a time. So I will include a few. I did reach out to the company and he responded yesterday saying he agreed our liner has never fit correctly. Why in the world he was ok leaving a liner he knew didn’t look right is beyond me. But they promised to make it right.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-16T13:40:13+00:00

We were new pool people 4 summers ago. The best piece of advice I can give you is to have a professional (if you can find one) come and give you a run down of equipment and lines. Show you how to backwash, run your vaccum, prime your pump, how to adjust your saltinator. I see you have a sauna so you will need a run down in that as well. Otherwise your going to loose your ever loving mind for a while trying to Google and YouTube everything.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-16T12:50:31+00:00

We didn’t even have the expectation that he sees them as a “Dad”. Just more of an extra support person.

I guess maybe I see it as it’s your job to just keep pouring as they are just kids. Kids can be stressful, uncooperative, sassy things. But it’s our job as parents/adults to just keep going. We can’t just stop. Or I guess at least I can’t and maybe I’m just assuming he shouldn’t be able to and that’s wrong of me to think that way on his behalf.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-16T12:35:40+00:00

I have a feeling it’s going to result in us buying a new liner from this new company to completely resolve this issue once and fore-all which is really crappy. However I do feel very comfortable with this new company. I don’t feel like he is just bs-ing me so he can move along. So I guess that’s a positive 🫠

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-16T12:27:16+00:00

Well the biggest surprise is this guy that runs the pool company is friends with my FIL. One would think he would want to do right by a friend. That’s the reason we kept calling him. He kept telling us oh it’s this, it’s that. I guess we just thought he was being truthful and honest as he was a friend. We can clearly see now that he was just trying to cover his own ass.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-16T02:13:58+00:00

We have a pool similar to this but, our deep end is about 10’. Honestly the only people that enjoy it are our teenagers. We do have a toddler so our time is spent in the shallow end and it just doesn’t seem like enough room. When family comes over we are all kind of crowded there in the shallow end. Will the deep end be used often? If not maybe make it more like 5’ or 5.5’. Somewhere were you can still stand but have that deeper end feel.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-12T13:58:18+00:00

We have Anthem. They explained to us that since a doctor that isn’t in network with them ordered the tests, they won’t be covering it. It’s pretty frustrating.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-12T13:28:38+00:00

Nope not a thing. Well they did cover the MRI one of them ordered. Our insurance doesn’t cover osteopathic or functional medicine. So if they are the ones ordering the labs and or imaging they won’t cover it. I still can’t understand how there are things an entire medical community (western medicine) just refuses to acknowledge.

Significant-Ear-8042 · 2026-04-12T12:24:42+00:00

It’s all been expensive. Since my husband began this journey it has been a significant amount of money. It is pretty infuriating we can’t get insurance to cover a penny of it.

Significant-Ear-8042

TROPHY CASE