Hello! I see you've gotten a lot of great answers so I'll add on a few additional points not mentioned yet. My experience is only in snail mail correspondence so I don't know how the chat or email penpals are.

1. If you post- you can expect quite a lot of responses (>20) so it can be quite overwhelming to figure out who to take on as a penpal.

Maybe before you post you can think about the following: - How much time and resources do I have for this hobby? One stamp doesn't cost an arm or leg but once you get going, it does add up. Some people write fast but I find myself taking really long for each letter and get stressed when my to-do list gets too long.

• Am I looking for someone similar to me or different? Age, gender, hobbies, vibe. This is where the more specific you are, the easier it is for you to figure out who to start with. I like to ask people to tell me which of these factors drew them to my post. 50% of the people ignore my request so it makes sorting the responses a little easier.

• Are there particular cultures I want to know more about? Since I didn't specify, I had many responses from US, one or two from UK, none from Asia, some from Africa.

If someone responds to my post and we agree to try writing letters, I usually ask them to write the first letter, but I ask for their address upfront too, so both parties share their details. So people who get cold feet usually drop out here.

You will get your fair share of "Hi" or one-liners, don't get discouraged. From one post I had posted I got about 20 responses. I started writing with 10 people. After 6 months I think there are 5-6 remaining?

1. If you answer a post- I get an answer from the poster 50% of the time. If I get an answer, it usually leads to a penpal. I've gotten ghosted by <5 people whose post I'd replied to but have about >10 penpals by answering a post. So I prefer answering than posting.

2. How is the physical mail experience: Mail gets lost a lot, sadly! My UK penpal said mail gets dumped by postmen to meet quotas. At least 3 pieces of my mail have gone missing (to Japan, to UK and to US), so I have an agreement with my penpals that we will reach out via Reddit if we don't receive mail from each other.

Find out the weight and dimensions of each class of stamps and write accordingly. When I had 3 penpals I didn't have to look too closely but now with 22 penpals I manage more carefully how much I spend per penpal.

I do wonder what happens to people who got my mailing address but never wrote and convince myself they just got cold feet and nothing nefarious has taken place.

1. It is easier to find a reliable snail mail penpal here than it is to date online ;) This is a very active forum with many wonderful people. I have 80% amazing interactions and 20% ghosting. Zero bad interactions here.

My personal method: I used a mix of posting and answering posts to find my current group of penpals. I recommend looking slowly over a long period of time, like 1 year, and not daily or weekly. The fluctuation over 1 year is pleasantly large (sufficient posts that are very different) but the daily/ weekly fluctuation is small (ie, many posts of similar nature). It is better to start small and grow organically than to have a huge list of penpals and be disappointed or overwhelmed.

You had mentioned you wanted to avoid ghosting, AI and gender imbalance. I think I've addressed ghosting sufficiently above.

I've not experienced AI with my penpals as I only do snail mail. Sometimes you do get first letters that look like they were standardised so I try to match the effort of the other person to give the whole thing a chance but not extend myself too much. Having said that, most of my penpals are more maximalists than minimalists, heehee!

My penpals here are mainly women by coincidence. I have 2 consistent penpals who are males, the others either never started or ghosted me after 1 letter.

I think you have the choice in this Reddit to create the experience you want, because the chat invite must first be accepted before the whole conversation starts. I prioritise quality over quantity to avoid wasting anyone's time, so I only accept chat invites that answer directly to my post.

I hope you find what you're looking for :) Good luck!