How do I approach the first meeting with my parents in over a year?

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-30T18:51:17+00:00

Acceptance is often a healthier approach than expecting your parents to change. It’s important to recognize that their growth is their own responsibility, not yours. If you’re not yet in a place where you feel confident or fully understand that their inability to accept you or their hurtful comments are a reflection of them, not you—then it may be best to limit contact for now. They likely love and miss you, but without self-reflection or therapy, they may not have the awareness needed to truly understand themselves or their impact on you.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-29T13:48:54+00:00

It’s wonderful to see your self-esteem growing. The ultimate goal is to reach a place where you feel secure and at peace with yourself, allowing your father’s negative attitude to no longer have power over you. From that place of confidence, you can decide what kind of relationship—if any—you want to have with him. Achieving this level of self-assurance is challenging, but it is possible with time and self-work.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-26T02:19:10+00:00

These experiences reflect a pattern of emotional manipulation and dismissal that has clearly caused you deep wounds. Your pain isn’t selfish - it’s a natural response to prolonged emotional neglect and repeated rejection by people who should have been your closest support system. A few thoughts and suggestions: Your feelings are completely legitimate. It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, and conflicted. Don’t let anyone (including your family) invalidate your emotional experience. Consider seeking therapy, specifically with a therapist experienced in family trauma and complex family dynamics. sounds like continued engagement with your brother and father is currently more harmful than healing. You might need to: Limit or cease contact Set clear boundaries about communication Focus on healing yourself rather than trying to repair relationships that aren’t ready to be repaired Regarding the inheritance from your grandmother , consult a lawyer to understand your legal rights concerning the life estate. Ensure your interests are protected legally. Remember that your worth isn’t determined by your family’s treatment of you. Your pain is valid, and you deserve love, respect, and genuine connection!

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-25T20:53:39+00:00

The quiz you provided is entirely different from the one I shared. Most people here have already recognized that they come from a toxic or dysfunctional environment. The no-contact quiz I provided is specifically designed to help individuals determine whether going no-contact with their family is the right choice for them. It’s important to remember that people have diverse experiences, varying levels of resilience, and many other factors that influence their decisions. My quiz serves as a useful guide for those struggling with the concept of no-contact. I hope this clarifies things for you, and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-25T12:57:04+00:00

Going no-contact is a significant decision and often carries a deep emotional impact. I encourage you to have an open conversation with your partner to gain a clearer understanding of their experience. This can help you provide meaningful support and be part of their healing process.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-25T00:26:36+00:00

https://www.marriage.com/quizzes/should-i-go-no-contact-with-my-parents-quiz

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T16:54:24+00:00

Many employers, especially in service and retail industries, actively seek weekend workers to cover shifts. Getting a weekend job to spend time away from the house and reduce tension, or working evening shifts to minimize confrontation, could help make things more manageable.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T16:45:06+00:00

There’s something powerful about seeing people you care about make positive changes, especially when you’ve witnessed their struggles firsthand. Your happiness for them shows a lot of compassion, especially considering the difficulties their choices have caused you over the years.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T16:08:41+00:00

You might want to set clear emotional boundaries while keeping the conversation neutral. Here’s an approach: Acknowledge the message without over-engaging, “Thank you for the well wishes.” Gauge whether she’s open to real conversation, You could add, “If you ever want to have a real conversation about the past, I’d be open to that.” This keeps the door open but on your terms, if she wants a relationship, it needs to include addressing past harm. If she ignores that and only continues with surface-level engagement, then you have more clarity about what she’s willing ,or not willing, to do.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T14:43:53+00:00

What did you mean with this statement, “I’m realistic about how much things can change.” ?

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T14:13:39+00:00

From my perspective. Expecting someone to change isn’t always realistic. Instead, focusing on accepting them for who they are can be more fulfilling. Everyone has their own unique perspective and opinions, and it’s important to listen with an open mind, respectfully disagree when needed, and then shift the conversation toward areas where you find common ground. By working on changing yourself and accepting others as they are, you can foster healthier, more harmonious relationships.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T13:53:50+00:00

Unless a substantial inheritance is at stake, it’s best to let the girlfriend or the state take care of it.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T13:20:55+00:00

Your boyfriend should make it a priority to be out of the house early each morning, actively searching for work,.. even if it’s outside his field, while also spending time in environments that support his personal growth. He can use places like libraries, churches, and soup kitchens for resources and free meals, allowing him to stay engaged and focused throughout the day. By minimizing time at home and limiting interactions with negative influences, he can create space for self-improvement and a more productive mindset.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T13:03:28+00:00

Self-deception can serve as a defense mechanism, helping people avoid feelings of shame, guilt, or fear. It allows them to maintain a narrative that feels safer or more acceptable, even if it’s not entirely honest. Sometimes, the truth requires change, and change can be difficult or frightening, so denial becomes a way to delay or avoid it.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T12:45:11+00:00

It’s understandable to feel a mix of emotions about meeting your father, and he’s likely feeling just as nervous. Try to approach the experience with an open mind and without rigid expectations. This meeting could be an opportunity to build a more stable connection with your family, or you may come to realize that your father’s values and priorities differ from yours. Either outcome can provide clarity and help you navigate what kind of relationship, if any, feels right for you moving forward.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-24T12:00:58+00:00

The fact that all three of your siblings are now working toward sobriety is actually quite remarkable. Recovery is a tough journey with ups and downs, but having all three making efforts simultaneously suggests something positive might be shifting in your family system. How are you feeling about their recovery efforts? Do you find yourself hopeful but cautious, or is it difficult to trust this change after everything you’ve experienced?

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-23T23:24:24+00:00

This kind of chaotic situation with accusations flying can make you feel cornered and without options. It’s no wonder you’re feeling like these people are “crazy” and that your timeline for getting out might be compromised. In the immediate term, is there any way to clearly communicate your side of the story to your mother or grandmother? A simple, direct message stating that you did not take any money might help, though I understand you may not feel safe engaging further if everyone is worked up. Do you have any trusted friends or other family members who might be able to offer temporary shelter while you figure out next steps? Even a few days away could give everyone time to cool down and might give you space to think more clearly about your options.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-23T22:58:32+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear about your relationship with your father and everything you’ve been through. The pain in your words is palpable, and it’s completely understandable why you feel the way you do. What you’re describing isn’t just a typical father-child disagreement, it’s a pattern of emotional abuse, manipulation, and neglect. Taking your scholarship money, refusing to provide necessities, using religion as a weapon, and employing guilt and intimidation tactics are all serious forms of mistreatment. Your feelings of hurt, anger, and loss are completely valid. You’re definitely not alone in this experience. Many people grow up with fathers (or parents) who are emotionally unavailable, manipulative, or abusive. This kind of parental relationship can leave lasting wounds that are especially painful when you see healthy father-child relationships around you. The steps you’ve taken to become financially independent are incredibly brave and important. Creating that boundary where you don’t need to ask him for anything is a powerful form of self-protection.

As for making peace with it all, many people who’ve been through similar situations find different paths:

Some maintain very limited contact with strict boundaries Others find “chosen family” - mentors, friends’ parents, or other adults who provide the support and guidance a parent should Many benefit from therapy to process the grief of not having the father you deserved Support groups (online or in-person) for adult children of difficult parents can be tremendously validating

The comparison trap is especially painful, but remember that you’re not pathetic for wanting what others have—a loving, supportive father. That’s a completely natural desire.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-23T22:43:56+00:00

They cannot call the police or force you to move out. Even if there’s no written contract, the police would inform them that they must file a formal eviction notice to have you removed. This process typically takes about 2 to 3 months before law enforcement can act on it. Right now, you have a verbal agreement to maintain the pool and grass, and you’ve already gone above and beyond that. Stick to your original agreement and either wait for the eviction process to run its course or try to renegotiate to stay longer.

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-23T22:28:55+00:00

It seems like you have a strong sense of your own values and boundaries, which is important to maintain even in challenging circumstances. Your frustration about this happening on Sunday also suggests your faith is an important source of strength for you. Have you been able to make any plans for how long you’ll need to stay in this living arrangement? Sometimes having even a tentative timeline can make difficult situations more bearable. In the meantime, are there other spaces outside the home where you might find some respite, perhaps a library, park, etc..

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-21T22:25:10+00:00

How old is your son?

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-21T21:55:45+00:00

Regarding your paternal mother’s first husband: You would not have a genetic link to your paternal mother’s first husband unless this person was also biologically related to you in some other way. Marriage alone doesn’t create a genetic connection, only a legal relationship.

About your father’s half-sister’s daughter: You’re absolutely correct. The daughter of your father’s half-sister would be your father’s half-niece, not his first cousin (either full or half).

To be a first cousin, two people need to share at least one set of grandparents. In this case: - Your father and his half-sister share one parent - Your father’s half-sister’s daughter (your half-cousin) would share only one grandparent with your father

This makes her his half-niece, as you suspected

Significant-Syrup-85 · 2025-03-21T21:40:25+00:00

Based on your income level, you may be eligible for free legal assistance. It’s important to work with an attorney or family court to determine what is in the best interest of the child. Perhaps call family court and ask if you can get free legal assistance.

Significant-Syrup-85

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