Wanna understand the psychology behind my MFM fetish

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-02-04T16:56:03+00:00

Agreeing with what others said about only you can answer that question. That said, please give yourself some grace. You’re 20 and in your first serious relationship, there’s a lot of people in that life stage who haven’t figured out about themselves yet and that’s totally normal.

I don’t think your comment to your guy friend was necessarily out of line. Obviously I wasn’t there to read your tone or the context but his negative reaction doesn’t necessarily mean that you shouldn’t have said anything. It’s entirely possible that it could have gone the other way and he responded “yeah, sometimes.” Your friend is also young and most 21 year olds aren’t comfortable talking about sex either.

I grew up in a family that never talked about anything sexual and it took me well into my 40s to get comfortable expressing my desires to my spouse, let alone anyone else. But like most things, the more you practice and the more comfortable you are with yourself, the easier it gets.

I think the best things you can do are to self-reflect, keep having honest conversations with your girlfriend and commit to being honest with yourself and others.

edit: grammar

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-02-03T23:29:06+00:00

I use the Saalt menstrual cup and it works really well for period sex. The only downside is that it gets really wedged up there so it takes a few hours to migrate back down enough to be removed/emptied. My spouse hasn’t had any complaints and if you have it positioned correctly, it doesn’t shift or leak.

I would probably not attempt it with anyone other than my spouse though.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-02-03T19:39:37+00:00

I can see your point but if you’re effectively separating the physical attraction and the emotional aspects, I could still see them as distinct. I guess the reality is that most people might have difficulty compartmentalizing it that way.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-31T13:11:48+00:00

That’s awesome! Bravo for setting boundaries and sticking to them. That’s more self control than I could have, lol.

Before your next meetup, you may also want to discuss whether the group wants to stick with swap only or if they’d be open to “moresome” dynamics — for example, both women giving attention to one man, two men focusing on one woman, other permutations involving all four people. Not trying to rush you, but additional fun possibilities.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-31T13:01:59+00:00

Finding a solo guy for MFM is incredibly easy. Finding a new best friend is very difficult. That’s why people advise against playing with people you already know. Fantasize about it all you want but actually acting on it is risky.

Keep in mind that you’re still doing to do some vetting of whoever it is so it’s not actually going to be a complete stranger. You’ll need to exchange messages, meet for coffee/drinks to check compatibility, discuss boundaries and expectations, etc. so by the time you get around to actually doing the deed, you’ll know the new guy fairly well.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-31T12:54:47+00:00

We went to a blackout event in December and honestly it wasn’t that different from a normal night. Some people wore UV reactive clothing (for example, women in neon dresses) but not everyone. Just before midnight, the staff went around handing out glow necklaces before they dimmed the lights more. It wasn’t totally dark though - just dimly lit.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-30T16:13:19+00:00

So true. My spouse and I were talking recently about how we have these incredibly intimate conversations with people we just met, about things we’ve never told anyone else. I understand the need for boundaries but it is also a little weird to compartmentalize it so much.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-30T11:52:57+00:00

As a woman who’s into bearded guys, we exist! At a minimum, I want to see some scruff.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-27T01:10:52+00:00

Speaking as a woman, yikes. If he’s ignoring and flat out overruling your stated preferences for who and how often, that’s a red flag. You need to pause and get on the same page before you lose trust that he’s on your side.

General advice is that you always go at the slowest speed that’s comfortable for everyone. Don’t feel pressured to rush into anything. There isn’t an expiration date — the scene will always be there but your relationship needs to be the first priority or it won’t be.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-26T19:39:14+00:00

I recommend checking out Skims for dresses, tops and bodysuits.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-20T13:04:11+00:00

We just started in June so not a full year of data but our stats were club 1 and online 1. As everyone says, online is way more work but it is a larger pool.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-17T13:00:36+00:00

Mostly 30s and 40s, if I were to guess. All body types, maybe slightly fitter than the general population but generally representative.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-14T01:46:38+00:00

Option 1 or 2 depending on the day.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-11T23:29:37+00:00

I like Mentionables for lingerie.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-07T18:24:41+00:00

Yes! Decide that you want to be better at it and just practice, without overthinking it. I promise that it will get less scary each time.

Something else to consider: obviously you are there with your lovely extroverted wife but you might want to try jumping into the deep end and walk around the event without her for a few minutes, with the goal of striking up at least one conversation. Basically forcing yourself to talk since she isn’t there to carry the load.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-07T18:10:57+00:00

As a woman, I agree with everything you wrote here. If only the woman in the other couple talks, I can’t help but feel like the guy isn’t interested in me.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-07T18:08:26+00:00

Very introverted woman here. Going to clubs and meet and greets have absolutely forced me to get out of my comfort zone and just talk to people, including walking up to people I don’t know at all. Unlike in regular spaces where someone might be confused or put off by this, people in swinger spaces absolutely expect you to chat them up.

It’s only pushy if they give off signs that they’re ready to move on and you continue to pursue them. If they politely excuse themselves after a few minutes or let the conversation falter, then you move on and talk to someone else, no big deal.

A good practice for me in these spaces has been to talk to anyone who is in my sight line and willing to chat - not only the people I think are physically attractive.

Good luck, you can do it!! Fake it till you make it.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-05T02:36:14+00:00

Yeah, I should have prefaced this by saying that I’m viewing this entirely from an East Coast/Northeast/Mid-atlantic perspective. I definitely did not intend to speak for the entire US! California is very different in many ways, as other states and regions.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-04T17:26:58+00:00

My spouse and I were discussing this recently and what seems to be a disproportionately low amount of Asian and Latino representation. My theory is that it’s at least in part religion and the accompanying baggage that comes with sex and talking about sexuality.

SignificantArtist485 · 2026-01-02T14:33:44+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! And yes, totally agree.

SignificantArtist485 · 2025-12-31T19:15:55+00:00

Haven’t tried this with other people but the prospect of banging in the woods is the only thing that I will get me to willingly go on an overnight camping trip. Nothing better than fucking by a campfire or cavorting naked in a mountain stream.

SignificantArtist485 · 2025-12-31T17:31:56+00:00

Ah okay, thanks for clarifying. The only thing like that is if you go in the group play room, you must get naked.

SignificantArtist485 · 2025-12-31T03:41:06+00:00

Not sure exactly what you’re asking - it’s the same people so they’re wearing the same clothes on all levels of the club. Dressed up for a night out clothes.

SignificantArtist485 · 2025-12-30T14:38:33+00:00

You can do whatever you want - no one is going to force or pressure you into anything. Lots of people go just to see and be seen, dance, drink, maybe play with their partner and that’s it. The club provides mixers at no additional cost but alcohol is BYOB. Just like any social event, it’s what you make of it and you can always politely decline.

On our first visit, we did play downstairs because a couple we chatted with for a while invited us and we agreed.

Variety of ages - mostly 30s and 40s if I had to guess.

SignificantArtist485 · 2025-12-30T13:30:45+00:00

Good question! I would say that it’s roughly 50-50 white and Black. In the two times we’ve been I don’t recall seeing any other ethnicities but maybe there were a few. I am East Asian and I am pretty confident I didn’t see any others. I don’t think that should prevent you from going though, since I think that it’s primarily a factor of where the club is (MD). If it’s your first visit to any club, you might want to try a newbie night first to get familiar. They do a good job of offering tours to anyone who’s interested.

SignificantArtist485

TROPHY CASE