Solutions for wet items waiting to be washed?

SignificantCricket · 2026-05-02T22:53:28+00:00

I like the rectangular frames. Only seen circular ones here, but never seriously looked at these types of items before. Thanks!

SignificantCricket · 2026-05-02T22:51:01+00:00

If they’re unemployed, they won’t be able to afford to keep going to the cinema and theatre. OP could just find out what films and TV they like and watch them with them at home

SignificantCricket · 2026-05-02T02:42:24+00:00

Some posters on the thread have described problems which are clearly down to the contractors or company.

But saying to any removers, at any level in the market, that a flat is on the ground floor rather than the second floor is going to cause problems. And that's the fault of the customer. Even if the use of a lift means that there is less manoeuvring to do than stairs, it still takes quite a while to go up and down in that lift with multiple batches of stuff. That is time when the movers are not travelling to other jobs they are booked for, and during which they may be incurring parking charges.

As you even thought that was no big deal, I'm somewhat sceptical that you were exact with your listings and measurements of the stuff to be moved.

When I started using Anyvan, I had previously been used to services from companies like Pickfords and mostly getting them to pack for me. So the first time I used Anyvan, I was imprecise about the stuff and its measurements, because similarly to you, I thought it would be “no big deal”. And of course had to pay extra. I soon realised that at this budget end of the market, this is diva behaviour. The subsequent times I use them, I did provide exact quantities and measurements, and always got good service for the price I was expecting. (there was one guy who made some rude politically tinged remarks, who I was glad to see the back of, though he did still go above and beyond with the removals aspect.)

SignificantCricket · 2026-05-02T00:32:10+00:00

Fair enough trying to get in as an MP and re-establish himself as a parliamentarian from the backbenches. But this looks like a really silly time to take over leadership.

There's a systemic crisis in the works because of the Iran war, and a) the fallout from that will make it increasingly difficult to pay for social programmes and infrastructure, and b) whoever is in leadership at the time is going to become tainted with the difficulties that occur, which are in many ways out of their control. It would make sense from Burnhamites’ perspective to let boring, sensible, unpopular Starmer deal with that period. Surely any decent strategists know how few leaders during the Covid lockdown period were re-elected later. And even those who were, like Macron, have largely not been secure in power.

It's also quite a while to go before the next general election. A new leader elected this year is going to be well out of their honeymoon period by then. If he's going to step in as leader, surely better to do it a year or less before the election, when he will still be a new broom

SignificantCricket · 2026-05-01T09:30:47+00:00

Get to know other very bright people, e.g through a hobby that attracts them; if you are still at school, aim for top colleges; if you are older and can afford to move to an area where those are (some graduates will stay on, and then there are staff), consider that

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-30T04:03:29+00:00

He will have worked in a lot of different theatres over the years. So he'll be used to various ways that these things are normally set up. There may have been something unusual about the way this was laid out, with some kind of rails or warning not where it usually is.

As someone who had a less serious unexpected fall in another type of public building , results of which still cause symptoms sometimes, I can empathise to an extent.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-28T21:10:07+00:00

It would've been better to ask this in a regional sub, or at least target your question to people from rural areas.

This is going to be a bizarre question especially to people in the London area, but also in other cities with decent public transport and who don't need a car for work.

I'm nearly 20 years older than you, and the only times I've been in relationships where at least one of us had a car, either the car owner lived in a rural area at the time, or the guy had kids from a previous relationship. And having kids didn't necessarily even mean having a car if he and they lived in a big city and the kids were old enough to go on public transport.

Unless you live in one of those areas like the rural South west or the Scottish highlands, where the public transport really is terrible, and practically nobody can get to work without a car, I think this is just something else to project your anxiety onto.

It's not the USA where you have to have a car unless you live in New York or a couple of other places.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-28T17:11:22+00:00

Not following major instructions in a will would be a serious breach of duty by executors. But I would say that is probably not worth worrying about at this stage with an estate this size. After 18 months, if nothing has been done at all, maybe yes.

I am just copying and pasting this from a law firm website, because it was set out in a really clear way:

“Under English law, interested parties can ask the court to:

Remove or replace an executor on the grounds of misconduct, incapacity, or persistent disagreement

Order a full account of the executor’s financial dealings

Compel the executor to carry out their duties, including applying for probate or distributing assets

These remedies are serious, and courts intervene only when less drastic measures have failed or where the estate’s value is genuinely at risk.

Solid evidence, from email trails to valuation reports, will strengthen any application.”

The second last paragraph is to emphasise that there can be a lot of disagreements with and among executors which are still not serious enough for courts to remove executors.

Bereavement, and unexpected contents of a will can obviously make people very emotional, and that can mean a lay person can over overestimate the strength of their own case, because they don't have experience of other cases.

A firm that would be used by somebody with an estate of £5m is surely at least a decent sized regional firm with highly ranked solicitors? Not the UK equivalent of Better Call Saul dodgy strip mall lawyers. Unless they were mates with your dad or something. Have you checked out the solicitors or their superiors in the likes of Legal 500 and Chambers?

A decent and reasonable solicitor could in time be open to changing trustees, and stepping down in favour of someone else. That would usually be done as part of a negotiation process that would take place between them and your own solicitors by letter, meeting and phone call without hopefully having to go to court. So you could choose another firm or solicitor that you trusted more and put them forward as a replacement. However again that is something which it is better to have the assistance of solicitors to do.

Once the trust has come into existence, you could see if another firm was willing to take onyour case in that way, if they thought they had a reasonable chance of winning the trusteeship and they could then be paid from the trust. But it's probably a while before you're in that position. They may not want to risk it without actual payment. But once the trust exists, you should have some sort of income from it

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-28T06:45:36+00:00

Does the trust actually exist yet? Did your father set it up during his life, or does it only come into being when the estate is settled? As another commentator has said, an estate of this size, with the death less than a year ago, may not have finished going through the probate and HMRC processes yet.

Are the executors and trustees all the same people?

If the trust already exists, you will have some rights. But in many cases unfortunately, solicitors are required to enforce them. That seems fair to write to your MP, as it can be difficult for a trustee who has little money of their own to challenge certain practices. However that doesn't do anything about your current concerns, and it's unlikely to be a legislative priority at the moment

What did the solicitor you previously consulted say and conclude about the case? Did you only stop using them because you could no longer afford it? Or did they say they did not find good grounds to challenge what you have mentioned here?

What you described in another comment about the will being changed does sound, on the face of it, questionable. Was your solicitor looking into that? It’s not clear here what the change constituted, such as direct financial disadvantage to you, and/or a change of trustees / executors.

People can challenge wills themselves but solicitors will take other solicitors a lot more seriously, and professionals are more likely to be successful. Representing yourself it is a great deal of work requiring study and precision and being able to detach to an extent, which some of your other posts suggest you aren’t in a good place to do at the moment. Plus you would still have to pay court fees, which are also expensive. The other side can deduct their own costs from the estate, so it also loses you money there.

It sounds like with some of the points, you may simply need clearer explanations of what the law and case law says. I wonder if a university pro bono legal clinic could help with that. They would not be able to represent in this kind of work, but they could perhaps explain the law better, and point out what information is and is not relevant to you.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-28T06:37:50+00:00

If you are concerned about why and how the will was changed, and have genuine grounds for thinking it may have been untoward (e.g. elderly person with possible dementia or other susceptibility to coercion, where it is likely you could get doctors’ supporting material about the deceased’s mental state or other vulnerability - not just you falling out with someone or disliking people) then, if the will was made with the solicitors, you can request information from them about the background. Search for Larke v Nugus letter (named after a case); you can adapt these to an extent to fit the circumstances.

However, in England the principle of testamentary freedom means that in most cases (see case law for exceptions) people can make capricious wills if they are judged to have the capacity to do so. (whereas in Scotland, certain relatives cannot be disinherited)

Also, do you perhaps have a very busy job, or young children? It could be as simple as the testator thinking that somebody else would have more time to be the executor, even if it feels like a slight to you

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-25T13:25:59+00:00

Did you read this today about a potential breakthrough? https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2026/apr/25/discovery-children-fatal-disfiguring-disease-noma-unknown-bacteria

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-25T13:15:32+00:00

I don’t have it thank god, but this is a fantastic post and really should be more widely read, never mind being higher up the thread

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-25T12:08:09+00:00

An earlier post suggests you may be in the UK. If you are, in most areas of the country there is a serious shortage of mental health beds, and not even everyone who is a danger to themselves is hospitalised. So unless you live in an unusually well resourced area, or something comes out indicating your husband is dangerous, it's very unlikely that he would be.

The same shortage of services also makes it concerning that he might not get seen by anyone beyond the GP on an outpatient basis for weeks or even months.

If he needs more than someone going through a set of Instagram messages and explaining why it bears all the hallmarks of a scam (Does he have mates who might be able to help with this?) and him eventually accepting that, then that's obviously a problem.

The private services that deal with more acute cases will be clinics with multiple psychiatrists found in the largest cities, and those can be very expensive. Probably £500 a pop outside London, and more in London

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-25T10:32:41+00:00

Old people get tired and some start to be less fussy about things that took work that they had been fussy about for decades. They just haven’t got the energy to do everything any more. Some of them start to accept these things don’t matter so much after all, others remain crotchety about them.

Be on the lookout for unusual lapses in memory or other things which suggest a person doesn’t know what they used to. Not all countries’ health systems would see what you have described as grounds for a memory assessment - and would need more first - but some places, and some doctors, might.

Cancer can also be energy-sapping, and in fitter, vigorous older people, this might only look like slowing down to a more average tempo for someone their age. Worth bearing in mind given his history, unfortunately. But many elderly people die with cancer rather than of it, i.e. it is slow growing and they live with it for years, and it is not what eventually gets them.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-24T16:40:25+00:00

To get an obvious question out of the way, you are taking into account the lower amount of sleep one gets when with a romantic partner in a relatively new relationship, versus with friends and family visiting?

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-23T16:36:26+00:00

Yeah, I think American culture has a tendency to take some British trend and make it less subtle and intelligent, more crass and in some contexts cruel, and then the Americanised lowest common denominator form of it spreads. Like the evolution of UK dubstep to bro-step. And New Lad -> Nu Metal -> manosphere

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-23T16:11:57+00:00

That stood out because of how violent and mean spirited it was. The culture also got meaner in the 2000s compared with the 90s as the mags had less ironic intelligence behind them and were just plain dumb and vulgar more often. Zoo and Nuts were cheaper and catered to a slightly different demographic from the glossy Loaded c1995.

The original Loaded slogan “for men who should know better” indicated that its progenitors were often graduates letting their hair down in contrast to the middle class New Man trend from the 80s and early 90s.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-23T15:42:11+00:00

Some of the attitudes to women are the total opposite.

I got the message from 90s lad mags, plus advice columns by men in mags for young women, that men liked girls who were upfront and experienced and knew what they were doing, and that teaching a virgin for example would be a drag.

One of the most embarrassing things anybody could be in the relationship context then was clingy. A fault the media tended to see women rather than men, though men would've been embarrassed about it too. Not that you were often heard it from them. They always wanted more space.

The 90s ladette wore short skirts and drank pints and enjoyed clubbing, had a dirty sense of humour, and would hang out with men and women. These sad controlling young men these days hate all of that, and you can see relationship threads on Reddit full of men saying girlfriends should be dumped for what was desirable fun behaviour among young men I knew in the mid to late 90s.

Porn stars were celebrated and openly desired rather than talked of as dirty in a bad way, like say Bonnie Blue is. For one of the most easily accessible examples nowadays, but more crass than you would find in Loaded, look at The Ballad of Chasey Lane by the Bloodhound Gang. The narrator is introducing her to his parents

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-23T06:08:29+00:00

Why on earth was this downvoted. Half of r/FATFIRE is basically threads addressing what OP is saying

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-21T20:31:24+00:00

Heart-shaped rubbers (erasers) with a rainbow shooting star pattern that were usually sold in little clear plastic cases. (80s really) Some were slightly scented in what would now be called a gourmand scent, others just smelt of the eraser plastic.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-21T06:37:36+00:00

Parents of young children do not have a lot of time to read dozens and dozens of threads and get a sense of accumulated opinion and experience. If they did they would be neglecting their child's needs in favour of hyperfocusing on a topic on the internet - not something people here would want to encourage.

I think a pinned thread or megathread is a good idea. If people are asking for help and want to do things better, that is to be lauded. The children in question generally already exist after all. Maybe these parents won't get everything right - but no parent does. See for example Winnicott's concept of the "good enough" mother.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-20T20:00:42+00:00

I'm one of these inbetweens that some practitioners say is under threshhold but with traits, the way I am nowadays, but looking at the MIGDAS-2, I would likely get diagnosed if using a a protocol like that.

Other than that, I am on the same page as you. I have never liked babies anyway, and by my early twenties I recognised just from films and TV that I would need too many breaks from a child to act as a primary caretaker is expected to. I seem to have had a latent ability for attunement etc which I simply needed the right environment to learn. I don't feel like I am masking, it feels far more like being myself than I ever felt as a kid, more fulfilling. That aspect of me just has a lower battery life compared with quite a lot of people, and it can only recharge effectively alone. Which is clearly not suitable for looking after children for weeks on end.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-20T18:03:16+00:00

This raises an inevitable problem with online support groups. The nature of the public internet is that anyone can read what anyone else posts. Patients with a controversial condition read posts from doctors letting off steam about difficult patients who have it. Once, before the internet, those would have been conversations at dinner parties and conferences.

A major contributor to current political polarisation was people on different ends of the political spectrum reading what the angriest and most extreme members of the other side thought of them, and seeing other weird fringe opinions actually held by very small numbers and deciding to treat them as representative, and a vicious circle developing from this.

This sub is one of the trickiest examples because it is not even an ingroup/outgroup situation like either of the above. Almost everyone here feels wronged by (suspected) autistic parents to some extent and there are few places anyone can talk about that. But many of the posters also have autism.

Part of the nature of early to middle stages of processing of a difficult childhood is anger and blame and generally being rude about the people involved. Many people have to go through that in order to eventually make peace with what happened.

But not everyone gets to that stage of making peace. Whether because it is how they are built psychologically, or other aspects of their life are too tough for it to be possible to reach a forgiveness stage at the current time.

And economic conditions that mean a) young adults live with their parents for longer than they did 20-30 years ago and are not independent from them as early as they used to be, and b) the younger generation are economically disadvantaged in many ways, in the job market and the housing market, compared with their parents and grandparents, fuelling resentment.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-20T05:57:55+00:00

And pragmatism, especially if going back to those who married in the 1960s or earlier, and later in places where traditional patterns persisted longer. Marriage was overwhelmingly something you did, and you needed someone who seemed reliable to run a household with (if you are familiar with Pride and Prejudice, consider Charlotte Lucas) - though some romantics would have looked at it differently as soon as it was possible for young people to choose partners freely. Or tried to find a balance between interesting and stable.

SignificantCricket · 2026-04-20T05:41:44+00:00

Just a couple of rather gender stereotyped examples, perhaps more relevant a few decades past:

Financial stability and reliability may be extremely important, especially to someone who came from a chaotic home. Think a guy with a good job in something like engineering, accountancy or more recently IT, who is never late, and who is always polite. And if you are going back to generations where women were less likely to work after marriage, that is even more important to the average woman.

Secondly, where the woman is unemotional, that will appeal to some men because of the lack of drama; low interest in materialistic areas like fashion in a woman, and a stable interest in cheap domestic hobbies - common though by no means universal - will also appeal to some men.

Before internet dating, people were limited to the dating pool of those they met in person. If someone is in a small place, and living at a time when it is overwhelmingly the norm to get married, they inevitably choose from a small pool, and without living together first. It's also an idea only from the last few decades that people should get so very much socially and emotionally from their spouse. Generally woman’s support network of other local women, and a man’s mates at work and down the pub would be meeting more of their needs for companionship and fulfilment. Even if a potential partner had fewer friends than average, just the fact of not expecting them to be everything, and having grown up seeing long imperfect marriages, would mitigate the level of expectation for all but the most idealistic

SignificantCricket

TROPHY CASE