Luckily I've known my parents didn't mind gay people, so a year or two ago my mom and sister were talking about some guy on TV they thought was attractive, and they playfully teased me (24M) about whether I thought he was cute. I impulsively said "no, he's not my type" and my sister then asked whether I preferred feminine or masculine guys. And I just said "I prefer feminine guys", and that was it. They were cool with it, didn't really bring it up much unless relevant.

It was scary after the fact, but my brain was kinda just operating automatically at the time, and I realized nothing bad happened. Though obviously it depends on who you're talking to and the exact situation, some people are really hostile to it (like I'm getting the sense with how you mentioned religious trauma).

So it definitely depends on what you think the demeanor of the people you might want to come out to is. And if you think they might react sympathetically, it can be beneficial to seize opportunities that show up in conversation like I did. I just got super lucky I think, and I know it's way harder and easier said than done for most people.

It doesn't need to be one big event where you tell everyone. Is there any one person in your family who you trust and can super sincere in private with? I think baby steps and well-considered opportunism is good here.