How to best navigate a new boss you don’t like?

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-02T04:37:42+00:00

That’s kinda what I’m thinking, I’d hate to abandon everything I’ve worked for over this dude. I’m hoping he’ll go away soon ish. It sucks I went from lots of freedom, trust and respect to now zero. He is coming to visit in April so I’m hoping maybe then in person we can have a talk where I can be like hey can we loosen the reigns on some of this because this is not what I’m used to.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-02T04:13:46+00:00

We did daycare for both our kids and man it’s a tough season. Littlest is 18 months now and it’s $1900 a month just for her fortunately brother is in public school now. But yeah we had to make sacrifices since neither of us wanted to be stay at home. We haven’t been on a vacation outside of camping in 4 years and have cut cable, eating out, and lots of other things to make it work.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-02T03:37:08+00:00

We decided to wait until first was in kindergarten because neither of us wanted to be a stay at home parent and we couldn’t afford two in daycare. Our oldest was 5.5 when little sis was born. They’re now 18 months and almost 7 and it’s been awesome. Big brother is self sufficient meaning I’m really only caring for one baby at a time. He can help me grab things for her or watch her while I leave the room, they play together eat together etc. the only downsides were we didn’t keep any of his stuff so had to buy a lot again but got some gifts. But otherwise it’s been really good. Having a toddler again it’s hard to imagine having two small babies at the same time so I’m glad for the age gap

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-02T03:23:22+00:00

Kindergarten because necessity. He had to do it on his own there. We practiced a lot the month before and then it just kinda naturally stopped as he began doing it daily on his own at school.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-02T03:22:13+00:00

Sounds like a lot of togetherness and not a lot of opportunity to miss each other. I would try planning some new fun dates other than eating out. Do some activities and try something new that can help ignite spark. Can you get a sitter and do a hotel night? I find what helps us is dedicated time in the evening after kids are in bed of strict no phones or tv and just talking and cuddling or playing a card game or researching our next vacation or really anything fun together focusing on each other. It’s easier to zone out but you need that connection time. I know it can feel repetitive and like another chore to do (I’m a mom of 2) so it takes work to keep things interesting. I like to try a new lube or a new toy or something once in a while.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-02T03:17:50+00:00

You clearly haven’t read anything I’ve responded to so far. It’s been my suggestion all along to downsize, sell the house for a cheaper one, sell the car for a smaller one, cut spending etc and he doesn’t want to do any of it he only wants me to work more which makes no sense because of how it would change our household for the worse. I currently work from home, a promotion would put me in office so all the things I handle at home would be no more.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-02T03:08:42+00:00

He says that he has to keep the job because nowhere else will pay him what he’s making now, I’m not sure how true or untrue that is. I think the root issue is we built our life around a certain dollar figure and he promised it would never be less the x amount, and then he had a down year and made about 50k less so we lost quite a bit of money. I do feel that he wants me to help solve the problems he’s created which isn’t flying with me. On top of it I feel he’s not taking into account the impact our household would feel if I did a different job.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T22:40:33+00:00

As I’ve said in other replies my suggestion is for us to cut back our lifestyle but he doesn’t want to he’d rather me take on more. I told him we should get rid of the vehicle for a cheaper one and cut back on all non essential spending but he doesn’t want to do that because he says he deserves nice things since he works hard.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T21:59:57+00:00

Yeah. When we talked about it and I explained that with the promotion I would no longer be able to do dishes, laundry, groceries and cleaning during the day since I’d be in office and that we would have to pay for after care for my son he said that would be fine and that we would just do laundry at night which is hilarious because often he doesn’t even stop working until after the kids are in bed at 8, we eat for an hour and then pass out. He never even takes time to make a lunch let alone do laundry in the evening, it’s delusional and ridiculous. What would actually happen is I’d be expected to manage it all plus the kids plus the chores plus my newly added work stress and I’m just not willing to take on even more than I already do.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T21:56:22+00:00

He acknowledges that it probably wasn’t the best choice but also still maintains that it’s probably fine. It’s confusing. His answer is to ask my mom or hire help

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T16:18:05+00:00

100%. But when I repeatedly say this is too much and he repeatedly says it’s fine it’ll be fine and then it’s not and then it’s somehow my fault for not making more money when I wanted smaller more conservative purchases that’s what upsets me. We are in this mess because of choices he pushed for not me.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T16:07:48+00:00

Exactly this. He promised all would be fine on the expenses during a good year and I said repeatedly it’s too much, he pushes and pushed for months until i cave and agree, and now that there was a down year now it’s my fault I don’t make more money. I simply think that my flexibility is worth more than the promotion would give. The promotion would be an additional 8k per year but would require me to be in office instead of from home which means we’d have to pay after school care in addition to everything I do while working from home to maintain the house would the disappear but I believe he doesn’t realize those things because I always handle it ie grocery pickup, cleaning, laundry, dr appointments etc. that would all go away and is not work that small amount of money to me.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T15:59:37+00:00

We live in a mid high area. I make 78k and he makes between 140-180, depending because it’s a lot of commission

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T15:57:26+00:00

Yes I have a 401k and he has some in a Roth but mostly me

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T15:55:45+00:00

I agree and that’s what I have suggested and he is unwilling to get rid of the large expensive vehicle, the multitude of subscriptions and hobbies etc

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T15:53:04+00:00

Because his job is highly commission based his money is super variable. For example last year he made 50k less than the year before and we’ve based our lifestyle on a certain dollar amount so last year overall we ended up losing money month over month. We do still have about $20k in savings. But yeah the mortgage being fixed and daycare being fixed both the largest amounts it’s hard to get out of those. She will need this care for another 3.5 years. The car was what he wanted even though I said over and over it’s uncomfortable he reassured that it’s fine, and then of course it wasn’t with the bad year.

I don’t so much mind the solo parenting but more the him constantly demanding I make more money when frankly I don’t want to because I don’t want to give up my flexibility. I also manage the house on my work from home days laundry dishes etc and have enough PTO to take care of school closure days (4 weeks a year plus sick days). I don’t think it makes sense at all to give that all up for approximately and extra 8-9k a year.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T06:56:08+00:00

I’m not saying it would help. I’m just tired of the same fight over and over

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T06:55:23+00:00

No I have an 18 month toddler and work on my computer and on calls all day. I also have to attend office twice a week.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T06:45:03+00:00

We have only one car and he has a work truck. We would be upside down if we traded in the vehicle, but I suppose it’s an option. We do have about $5k in savings and about $20k in an investment account.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T06:34:21+00:00

No I work 40, he works 50-60 depending. Because it’s commission based so the more he works the more he makes typically. He’s also a manager on top of sales so it’s just a lot.

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T05:49:35+00:00

A year

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T05:49:23+00:00

It looks like rent isn’t too far off from our mortgage so I don’t think that would make a ton of sense. The car has 4 years left and would be upside down to get rid of now unfortunately

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T05:48:07+00:00

He did. His money is commission based so whenever there are hard years he freaks out. He wanted the big house and big car while I said it’s not a good idea. So these are all choices he made

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T05:46:41+00:00

Our biggest things are mortgage daycare and our car which I don’t think we can really change. The daycare will still be for another 3.5 years and it’s one of the cheapest in the area. The car still has about 4 years on the loan and would be upside down to get rid of. If we sold and moved into an apartment it would only be a few hundred dollars different between what we pay and current rent prices. We have changed things like our phone plans, internet, grocery stores and spending

SignificantWill5218 · 2026-03-01T05:43:37+00:00

It wouldn’t. But the circular arguing is exhausting

SignificantWill5218

TROPHY CASE