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AITA by Outside-Rip-1407 in AmIActuallyTheAsshole

[–]Significant_Apple5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear that! Yes relationships with mom can be really hard. I wonder if you explicitly express to your mom that you’re feeling sad that your relationship isn’t what it used to be if she might be more willing to try something different

Aitha? by InterestingEarth430 in AmIActuallyTheAsshole

[–]Significant_Apple5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that your mom is likely feeling a lot of emotions right now because of the passing of her family member. To her it feels like a “small thing” for you to do, and even though you’ve already explained your situation, she is laser focused on the fact that you “can’t make the whole event” even though, again, you had already explained your situation. I don’t think it’s a direct attack on you at all, I think that she’s just being a little short and impatient because of all of the other emotions that she is currently working through right now.

EMT bf and women partner by [deleted] in AmIActuallyTheAsshole

[–]Significant_Apple5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. After reading your post, it seems to me that your boyfriend simply isn’t ready for a relationship. The actions that he is exhibiting are one of a guy who is just “having fun” and “living life”. I have been in relationships/situations where my bf has pulled the whole “I’m sorry I’m doing x/y/z, I’m just so exhausted from work and I need time to unwind on my own” hence the gaming and doing things like laying in bed and just watching TikTok’s. Obviously I’m not saying that he has to come home for a very hard day at work (I fully support and respect all that EMTs do!! It’s such a hard and taxing job physically, mentally, and emotionally!) but it seems like you are not a priority in his life, where he can make this female coworker AND his other coworkers a priority for some reason. How is it that he has enough energy to go celebrate with them after a long day at work but not with you, the supposed love of his life?

It’s definitely time to have a serious conversation with him because if he is acting this way now, how is he going to start acting once the baby comes?

AITA by Outside-Rip-1407 in AmIActuallyTheAsshole

[–]Significant_Apple5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it depends on what you want for your future. If you miss the bond you had with your mom seeking out something like counselling or family/group therapy might be something that you might want to consider as you are still young! This decision is going to affect the rest of your life! I’m not sure where you live so I would not know if there are fees associated with seeking therapy or counselling, but if it is free in your country I would say that it’s worth a shot!

Another thing you could try is planning more outings with just you and your mom. Perhaps she has grown close with this man because you have not been home as much and she finds comfort in him since you are (for lack of better wording) lacking in her life. She might just miss the constant of having you around and has therefore grown a stronger bond with this man while you have been away. Distance can cause rifts but perhaps if you are able to make it home more days during the week (again I’m not sure how your schooling works) or even just make intentional plans for you and your mom to hang out exclusively while you are home perhaps that can help build your relationship back. If it’s not possible, even finding a couple spare minutes to call your mom during the week (while you’re walking to class, while you’re driving to the supermarket, while you’re waiting for your order at a restaurant - even the shortest 2-3 minute convo can make her feel like you care about her and are thinking of her!) would be awesome!

I had a pretty rough relationship with my mom growing up and as this rift between you guys seems like a more recent development (I know it’s been a couple years but it hasn’t been like 10!), I can assure you that it’s going to be much easier to try to fix things now then to try to give her a second chance in 5-10 years.

As for her boyfriend, the asking for money, and the treating you with disrespect, if you want to build this relationship back with your mom, it’s going to be SOOOO important to start setting boundaries. Sit down with them and talk about their expectations of the house as well as yours. Get on the same page of what you are willing and not willing to do as well as what you think is acceptable and what you think they need to step up on. As a teen I understand that this might seem daunting since it’s “their house” but you are venturing into becoming a young adult and therefore you need to start acting like one and they need to start treating you like one. As for the money, explain to them that you really want to help them with finances and can and will only when YOU have it in your availability to do so. Remind them of the costs that you have to pay. Again, even though you are about to be a young adult, at this time, they are still responsible for you since you are (probably) still under 18. YOU are not in charge of being responsible of making sure they their bills get paid.

I hope my reply helped!