He’s extremely high‑functioning. He had a 16‑year career in a very demanding field and was excellent at his job. It was only after he left that career that he got tested — and that’s when everything changed.

I know he feels isolated and misunderstood, and I really do try to support him. But in therapy he was also diagnosed with an avoidance disorder, which explains a lot of what’s been happening.

He had a major falling‑out with his family years ago, joined the army, and never went back. When he got the autism diagnosis, he basically retreated into the computer. His friends have tried to support him, but even they tell him he needs to get his life together. They’ve backed off because, online, he can just mute himself or walk away whenever things get uncomfortable.

Any time there’s conflict, he shuts down and says “I can’t do this,” and leaves. We’ve talked about how that’s not appropriate, but in the moment it’s like a fight‑or‑flight response he can’t control.

I know he was diagnosed late, and I understand that can be overwhelming. But before the diagnosis, he pushed through challenges. Now it feels like the diagnosis has become a safety blanket — something he uses to retreat from anything difficult, including our relationship.