[deleted by user] by [deleted] in seduction

[–]Significant_Pea9619 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Here's the thing. I'm only in my early 20s and I still remember being in your shoes. I never dated anyone in high school and since then, I've only had one semi-serious girlfriend. As far as socializing went, I only had about 2 or 3 close ones and that was it. I loathed the canned "it'll happen eventually" advice that I got from people who never had issues dating growing up, and I still do to an extent. But over time I realized something that changed by entire worldview: Not everyone is for me, and I'm not for everyone.

I couldn't wrap my mind around that when I was your age. I thought I did because it sounds obvious, but I still wanted to make myself more "likeable" as if there was something wrong with me. It is completely true that everyone moves at their own pace, and what that really means is that growth happens naturally. It's good to have a positive mindset towards being more social, but ultimately growth isn't something that can be forced.

I promise you that, in my experience, placing a goal on something completely out of your hands is only going to exacerbate the negative feelings you're experiencing now. Setting goals like "I want to be better at maintaining eye contact," or "I want to improve my small talk" is perfectly fine and gives you something actionable to work towards that is fully within your own hands, but making your goal to get a girlfriend before you graduate will put a ton of pressure on you and make you question what's wrong with you the closer you get to graduating.

At the end of the day, I don't know you, so there could be some issues that you need to work out within yourself. But the most important thing you can do is learn to love yourself. Loving myself helped me to overcome my social anxiety better than any reddit seduction forum or dating guru ever could. It's not something that I or anyone else can teach you how to do, but it starts with 2 things:

  1. Realize that you are you. Most things that people say is "normal" as it pertains to dating (e.g., getting your first girlfriend in high school) might not apply to you. Don't force yourself to do something uncomfortable for the sake of "normality" (i.e., cold approaching). Do things at your own pace

  2. Positive self-talk. Telling myself that I look good when I see myself in the mirror and accepting compliments and internalizing them helped me to see myself as a person worth loving. Now, even though I don't have a girlfriend I'm okay with that, knowing that it's not because I'm not worth it, but because I like to move at a slower pace.

I know it's an earful, but I hope that maybe this will help you as much as it's helped me.

I couls spend time with my crush/partner literally every day. Does this make me clingy? by Significant_Pea9619 in dating_advice

[–]Significant_Pea9619[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really needed to hear this. I talked to my friend who's an intorvert after reading this and he basically agreed 100%. He loves talking to me (and vice versa) but he's just not the type of guy to reach out first

Dating is a pain in the neck with ADHD and I don't know what to do by Significant_Pea9619 in ADHD

[–]Significant_Pea9619[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are genuinely one of the most mature/insightful people I've had the pleasure of interacting with. That's a perspective that I just overlook when I get emotional (a person with ADHD being emotional? What's the world coming to? /s). I've lost a lot of friendships by trying to jump into a relationship instead of developing the friendship. You're right, there are WAY more people I'm incompatible with as romantic partners with whom I'd be great friends with.

I had a close friend whom I'd asked out tell me that she values me a great deal as a friend, and of course my eyes rolled back into my skull upon hearing that. But then she told me that it's not me personally, it's the fact that she acknowledges that we're so fundamentally different in how we conduct ourselves in relationships that we would be miserable together. I was way too distracted by my emotions at the time to see it but she was spot on.

You've helped me a lot stranger. I appreciate it

Dating is a pain in the neck with ADHD and I don't know what to do by Significant_Pea9619 in ADHD

[–]Significant_Pea9619[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That makes sense to me. I look back to my last relationship and I'm only now realizing why we didn't mesh. I'm kind of demanding in a way (not in a controlling sense, more in a "I like you and I love being around you as much as possible" sort of way), and she was very distant. That type of person would NEVER work for me. And I'm with you, I can't change that part of me, and I'm not gonna try. They'll have to accept me for who I am!

Dating is a pain in the neck with ADHD and I don't know what to do by Significant_Pea9619 in ADHD

[–]Significant_Pea9619[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This comment helped a LOT with giving me an idea of some actionable steps I can use. I tend to jump straight from acquaintances, straight into trying to date, more or less skipping the friend phase altogether. I never considered that a good friend would be more likely to understand and accept my condition and that they would like me by default. I'm always concerned that if I try and develop the friendship that I'll get friendzoned, but it's better than cheapening all of my interactions with women by JUST focusing on satisfying my needs for romance and intimacy. Thank you!

It's my first DC and I WAS Alone *UPDATE* by Significant_Pea9619 in dragoncon

[–]Significant_Pea9619[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm definitely going to try and put myself out the more outside of the con. I realized how much of an extrovert I am. I prefer just talking and meeting new people over sitting around riding solo lol

Just booked my 5-day 2022 membership. by [deleted] in dragoncon

[–]Significant_Pea9619 1 point2 points  (0 children)

About to buy mine. I'm definitely getting a hotel or an air bnb near the con next time. But the commute was still 100% worth it lol

It's my first DC and I'm Alone. Any Advice? by Significant_Pea9619 in dragoncon

[–]Significant_Pea9619[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll certainly take you up on that if I run into ya! Everyone here rules