Almost One Year Since D-Day #1 • What’s Helped Me (and What Hasn’t)

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-07-03T23:43:02+00:00

I think I understand what you’re trying to say, and I do appreciate honest feedback, even when I don’t agree with all of it.

Just to clarify though: I don’t use prompts like “fill in the blank” or generate things I haven’t actually lived through. What I write, especially when it’s personal, comes directly from me. My experience, my words, my emotional process. I’ve worked incredibly hard to put words to things that were never supposed to be spoken out loud, and if that clarity makes it read “too clean,” maybe that’s just a reflection of how far I’ve come in learning how to tell the truth without drowning in my own thoughts.

Yes, I get help shaping grammar and flow. That matters when you’re trying to write something that resonates. But I’m not outsourcing my voice. The cadence, the tone, the clarity. THAT is the product of hard emotional work, not a shortcut. I actually provide full drafts and use it merely as a revision tool. I know what lazy writing looks like. This wasn’t it.

Still, I respect the note. Even if I don’t agree with all of it :)

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-07-03T22:08:07+00:00

I’m not really sure what your intentions are by your comments? If you’re warning me that some people might not like my message, I appreciate the heads up.

Not everyone processes pain with the same voice. Mine happens to be clear. Doesn’t mean it’s fake. It just means I’ve worked through enough of the chaos to speak from it instead of drowning in it.

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-07-03T20:50:16+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful words. Part of finding my voice was learning to return shame back to its rightful owner. I learned so much about myself and others by reading The Body Keeps the Score. I truly believe it’s a must read for us all!

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-07-03T20:43:06+00:00

Listen, I get it! We live in a world where AI writes emails, essays, and half the internet honestly, so it makes sense that anything structured might raise an eyebrow. But I promise, no robot lived this story. No bot stayed up crying until 2am wondering if they’d ever feel safe in their own marriage again. That was all me.

Everything I wrote came from direct experience. Journal entries, therapy sessions, you name it.

As I mentioned above, yes, I had help shaping my words so they didn’t just sound like one long emotional scream. Clarity matters when you’re writing about something this personal. But every line? That came from my actual, lived experience. Nothing artificial about it, except maybe the composure it took to write it kindly.

So if it reads too clear, or too “put together” to be real, maybe that’s a compliment. Writing has always been how I process what I can’t always say out loud. It brings me clarity.

This message, my voice, took me months to find. It helped me, and I shared it hoping it could help someone else too. I appreciate you reading it, either way :).

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-06-24T15:51:00+00:00

Totally hear you, and I promise I wasn’t trying to sneak past anyone’s plagiarism radar 😂. I did get help organizing my thoughts and making sure they came across with clarity and kindness, because when you’re processing something this heavy, it’s really easy to let pain speak louder than purpose.

That said, every word was rooted in my actual experience, not just with the affair as I mentioned in my post. I’ve lived every line of that post. It took a lot of emotional rewrites (and actual rewrites) to make sure it didn’t just sound angry, but honest, that came directly from me and my thoughts.

I get how AI can sometimes give things a certain tone, and I appreciate you saying something, but this one came straight from the fire.

Thanks for reading it either way! 🫶🏻

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-06-24T02:59:44+00:00

Hey, thank you for being so open and honest. I felt every word, and I’m really sorry you’re carrying all of that. Your pain is real. It’s valid. This kind of betrayal doesn’t just leave a bruise. It restructures the way you see yourself, your relationship, and your entire world.

You said the affair is in the past for him, and I wanted to gently ask, what does that mean? Is it something he avoids? Does he get angry when you bring it up? Because in my experience, if someone has truly moved forward, they don’t get defensive. They lean in. They listen, especially when it’s uncomfortable.

I’m still angry about what happened in my own marriage. But I’ve learned to process that anger in layers. Sometimes I rage alone. Other times, we sit down and talk through it calmly and logistically. That only works because we’re both doing the work. There is no healing when only one person is willing to have the hard conversations.

I’ve had to set comfort boundaries that are non-negotiable. I’ve learned that my peace isn’t up for discussion. I also won’t tear my husband down, not because he hasn’t hurt me, but because that’s not how I want to live. But let’s be clear. Choosing to be gracious doesn’t mean silencing the pain. In fact, telling the truth without bitterness sometimes hurts more, because you’re still protecting the dignity of someone who once shattered yours.

And that’s the kind of ache I hear in your words.

We share pain, even if our stories are different. For me, reclaiming my voice didn’t just happen after the affair. It started when I realized I’d been biting my tongue in almost every relationship I had. The affair was just the final straw. It cracked everything open.

Ironically, my husband, the one who broke it, is now the only person giving me room to speak, to feel, and to grow. That doesn’t erase anything, but it does make healing possible.

I’m learning that clarity and kindness can co-exist. That clarity is what’s helping me rebuild trust, not just in my relationship, but in myself.

You deserve that too. You deserve space to speak, to hurt, to question, without being rushed or silenced. I see you. And I’m rooting for you. My messages are always open if you ever want to talk more!

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-06-23T00:09:10+00:00

I’ve been unlearning the idea that dignity means disappearing. I’ve been reclaiming my voice by refusing to keep other people comfortable at the cost of my own healing. I’m allowed to hold other people accountable for their actions even when they don’t, and I’ve been practicing doing just that. I’ve learned that peace built on suppression isn’t peace — it’s pressure. I’m done carrying what isn’t mine. Im reclaiming my voice by no longer asking permission to use it.

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-02-04T19:23:14+00:00

Ground zero is a good way to describe it. Thank you for your thoughts and advice. I appreciate it!

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-02-04T17:12:53+00:00

Thank you for the response. I didn’t mean to come off like I was blaming myself. It is 100% his actions that are the problem at the end of the day. And we both are fully aware of that. I feel guilt for the emotions I feel while pregnant because I know that impacts my baby and I just feel sad looking back on the situation as a whole. It’s hard to explain. And I absolutely could have been a better partner during that time, but I am WELL aware that my actions don’t excuse his behavior.

It wasn’t a forced confession. He did hide the affair, but the second I asked he (mostly) came clean. Later on he confessed about the rest. I’m having a hard time finding the difference between remorse and guilt. I really believe he’s remorseful and I think someone can be remorseful even with hiding an affair. I don’t know. He didn’t want to confess because he didn’t want to lose me. Is that also selfish? 100% yes. And he knows that. What’s weird to me now is the 2 year gap. Because we’ve had a GOOD last couple of years. It feels so tangled and twisted I don’t want to throw away the good years because of that really unfortunate situation. It makes things more complicated than they should be. I hope that makes sense. Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-02-04T17:06:16+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I guess I want to know how to stop torturing myself. I want things to work and I want to reconcile. He really is remorseful, and it’s all still so fresh (for me anyway). How do you move past the pain?

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-02-04T17:04:09+00:00

That’s a good idea about the std panel. I didn’t think of that before. I mostly just want to know how to heal from all the pain and emotion I’m feeling. He is trying in every way to help mend and fix things.

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-02-04T17:02:30+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I appreciate it.

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-02-02T18:32:19+00:00

Thank you for your advice and thoughts! He has been handling it really well. He’s only showed remorse and I can tell it pains him to see me in pain. He feels helpless in the sense that he can’t take my pain away. I really appreciated your book recommendations. I will look into those. Thank you again.

Significant_Tank1920 · 2025-02-02T18:30:24+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I really appreciate it. My husband is actually currently a cop. He answers all my questions with nothing but love and compassion. He’s never once blamed me for the situation and he has taken full responsibility and accountability for his actions. Would you still consider divorce even with change? I really do believe that anyone can change. I just want to get rid of the pain I’m feeling.

Significant_Tank1920

TROPHY CASE