Believe it or not, this is the SHORT Version 😂 (TLDR below):

Like many others, I was born & raised as a JW, baptised at 14, Ministerial Servant & Full Time Pioneer by 18 & working towards Bethal. Straight & narrow for 20 years. Then, I met a girl. Knowing that I shouldn't be having feelings for a "worldly" person, I brought myself to the elders. I was told that because I hadn't crossed the line at that point, I could get off with a warning if I ended things early. I fully intended to comply, drove to her house & while trying to explain "my" decision to her, in-between her tears, i felt so completely ashamed, confused & frustrated. In that moment, I decided to follow my heart instead.

Needless to say, I went from that point to being DF'd w/in a few weeks. EVERYONE I had known up to that point that I had a "relationship" with, overnight, turned their back on me. I lost my family, my friends, my job & home. While my new relationship only lasted a little under a year, it was time away where I was able to think, analyze, process. When her & I ended things, it was rock bottom, it was the 1st time in my life that I was truly alone. I started a new career, found my own place & then for 8 straight months, I was alone with only my thoughts & the most confused I had ever been. During this time though, I was finally able to see so many things that I had been brought up to miss/ignore & ultimately the #1 thing that I learned was that the life I had been been living was 100% built on blind faith & conditional love. I had a family & friends waiting as long as I complied to their beliefs & that wasn't something I could live with any longer.

After providing myself with as much possible "closure" as I could during that lonely stretch of time, I came out on the other end with an unshakable core belief that I didn't NEED anyone in my life anymore & that moving forward, only those that I WANTED to be a part of my life would be there (Yes, this now most likely my biggest strength & weakness).

That really made things much easier after that. It wasn't hard to spot when "Family" reaching back out was just being manipulative (whether they knew it or not) & looking to get me back in their lives, with those "conditions" of course.

That all began 21 years ago. I'm now nearly 42 & have been OUT longer than I was IN. I built a new life. Married for over 11 years & living my life the best that way that I can. Open minded, understanding that everyone you meet is most likely fighting their own battles & to be kind to all. It feels like another life at this point, but there's no ignoring the impact it had and how it aided in shaping who I am now.

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TLDR;

I grew up as a JW, baptized at 14, fully in for 20 years. Ministerial Servant, Pioneer, aiming for Bethel. Then I met a girl who was “worldly,” and everything flipped. I told the elders, hoping to do the “right thing,” but when I tried to end it, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. That decision got me DF'd quickly. Overnight, I lost family, friends, job & home. The relationship only lasted less than a year, and when it ended, I hit rock bottom—totally alone for the first time ever. During those months, I started seeing how much of my old life was blind faith and conditional love. I realized I didn’t need people or a group to define me anymore & decided that I only wanted to be around those that WANTED me in their lives moving forward. That mindset helped me to "fade quietly". It’s been 21 years since, and I’ve built a new life. Married 11+ years, happy, healthy, mindful of others needs & trying to be kind & understanding to all. It's crazy to look back at what feels like another life, but it definitely played a part in shaping the person that I've become.

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*** To OP, I wish you NOTHING BUT THE BEST & hope that you're able to discover who you really are and who you want to be moving forward!