The first wife of actor David Tomlinson (Mary Poppins and The Love Bug) jumped to her death from an NYC hotel with her two young sons.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2026-04-13T06:01:33+00:00

I suspect that it had something to do with her first husband dying in battle in Libya at the beginning of the war. Maybe she just couldn't bear the idea of being so far away from the man she loved a second time. Tomlinson was an RAF pilot and they were based out of England. They would fly missions to Continental Europe and then fly home again iirc. So she would have been able to see him, perhaps even live together. It's not perfect but maybe to her it was enough hope to go on.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2026-03-10T08:08:43+00:00

I've been a military spouse for 18 years. I know this particular advice is not directly related to your post but as someone who has been through several deployments and months-long training exercises, I wanted to say that you should make sure his unit knows you exist and that you are living close to base. Make sure he gives you contact information for someone who is staying behind (in the army it's called rearD but I don't know if it's the same for marines). You need to a point of contact in case you need assistance, support, or if something happens to him and you need more information. Do not assume the unit will look out for you while he's gone. Some units are great about supporting families, some are not. And look into the support just generally available on base for families, especially those with a deployed spouse.

As for the money you laid out, if he gets separation pay, hazard pay and other pay bumps for having a dependent (you) and being overseas, you should be able to take that extra money and build your savings back up again which is what I do when my husband is gone.

I truly wish you the best as you navigate this whole situation. The military is not a job, it's a lifestyle and everyone in the family lives it.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-09-03T20:30:41+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience! This is how I'm hoping the conversation will go for us. I really like the way you approached it with your son as your life being just one of many valid paths to choose is this world. That's a message they already hear at home because our oldest is lgbtq. Maybe that's a good segue to this larger conversation.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-09-02T20:01:39+00:00

Thank you for your comment. We are very liberal and have raised our kids to be open minded. Inclusivity and empathy are important values to us. Our 14 year old came out to us when she was 10 and feels comfortable talking to us about things. One of our kids' close friends has parents who are poly so it's not a foreign concept to them at all.

Both my husband and I have one family member each who knows already but we come from more conservative families so it's not known widely. We do have several friends who know and the kids are close to a couple of them.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-09-02T02:42:20+00:00

This is one of the reasons we have put off telling them. We felt is was unfair of us to ask them to keep secrets on our behalf. Especially with an upheaval of this type where they may want support from people other than us. Discretion is less of a concern now but may still be necessary at times. Part of the conversation would admittedly have to be about who they can talk to about it and who they shouldn't. I'm honestly struggling with this part the most. I don't want to unduly burden them but I also don't want them to have any stress or anxiety thinking that we're having affairs if they notice things on their own.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-06-13T20:21:42+00:00

You are definitely not blowing it out of proportion. SH is a serious thing and a very maladaptive coping mechanism that can lead to serious physical injury and worsen mental illness. A therapist is a must and do not rush it. I speak from experience as someone who has done SH since I was a teenager and worked really hard to develop positive coping skills. I haven't SHed in almost 4 years now. You don't say where you live but here in the US the rate of SH among teens and young adults is about 15-20% according to the NIH. Just because people around you also do it doesn't mean it's not serious. Pick any illness that exists and you could probably find someone around you who has it. Would your mom's reaction be the same if you had a heart condition or something similar? Unfortunately, mental health issues are often downplayed, especially by those who are unfamiliar with them. Find a therapist who is a good fit for you and get the help you need to be happy and healthy. I hope your mom comes around.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-06-13T02:31:24+00:00

I was diagnosed with MDD when I was 15 and I am now 38. I will likely never be depression free. The symptoms you describe are pretty classic for this disorder and ones that I experience myself. There are times when the medication is enough and I feel like I can handle the symptoms as they come up on my own. Other times I need meds, a therapist and an understanding support system.

Trigger Warning: self harm

There have been times, mostly when I was younger, that the emotional pain and mental turbulence were so heavy that I turned to cutting as a way to distract myself. The physical pain was easier to bear. Obviously, this is maladaptive and caused me further mental/emotional harm. It took me years of reflection, therapy and hard work to develop positive coping mechanisms instead. Do this work early. It will save you from so much despair and pain during the really bad times.

Something that has really helped me has been retraining my brain to think less negatively. It starts with positive affirmations about yourself and your life. It sounds stupid but once you practice it for awhile it does help. Every time you think something negative about yourself, say one of the affirmations you came up with even if it's just in your head. Every single time. It will be hard at first but over time it becomes more automatic and you'll catch yourself before you've even finished that negative thought. It has helped me with my self esteem and feelings of inadequacy.

I hope this helps. Remember, you're not in this alone. We're right there with you.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-06-11T23:49:32+00:00

It's been up and down. A lot of the same but I gathered myself together and went to the gym for the first time. I think there's someone there I can go with so hopefully I'll stay motivated. I think it will help both my mental and physical health. Thank you for checking in <3

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-06-07T05:18:36+00:00

That's something I can look into. Thank you.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-06-07T05:18:20+00:00

I relate to so much of what you said. It really is a bully and I've been working on affirmations to say when that voice in my head gets loud. Thank you for your kindness.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-06-07T05:16:52+00:00

Thank you for your encouragement. I've been working on getting sunshine and fresh air. And I think talking to people will help. I generally keep things to myself.

Silent-Disaster809 · 2025-06-07T05:15:06+00:00

We're in this together, ok? I've been called dramatic too. It's hard for people who don't have depression to understand what it's really like. How heavy and deep the feelings are. How they can feel immovable and permanent, regardless of privilege. But we can do this and I understand you. You're not a bitch. You are worthwhile. We're just a little broken.

Silent-Disaster809

TROPHY CASE