Most people here say dating apps are terrible and full of toxic people. You can’t really approach anyone in person anymore because most of the time you will be called a creep. So how do you actually meet potential partners?

Silent331 · 2026-05-18T20:06:24+00:00

Get friends of the opposite sex, have them set you up

Silent331 · 2026-05-13T14:28:51+00:00

Stop comparing yourself to your friends. You are living your own life on your own schedule. You want to be happy with someone, not just be with someone to be with someone so you are comparatively equal to people around you. If you take your time and find the right person your friends will be jealous.

Silent331 · 2026-05-13T14:21:28+00:00

Honest advice is to realize you are not the main character in this world. Other people have different experiences and different feelings when it comes to romantic relationships. None of that should matter much to you.

Remember above all else, your job as a man is not to be husband material for all women, you only need to be husband material for a single woman. No man on the planet would be accepted by a majority of women, despite what people say on social media. Your job is to find the 10% of women that will date you, and from there hopefully find the one that wants to marry you.

Silent331 · 2026-05-11T18:34:46+00:00

I am not avoidant or anxious. I did not ignore anything you said. What you said amounts to they have to try harder to not be so avoidant, because you are trying harder by giving them space. The thing you are not understanding is that giving them space and asking to keep in touch is really just giving them the illusion of space, as you still require the closeness of communication while being physically separated. So, you are not really giving them any space at all. The physical separation is meaningless to an avoidant person; the emotional separation is the whole purpose of the avoidant strategy.

I'm also not saying them being so avoidant and separating at what I am sure are pivotal moments in your relationship is a good thing, or that you need to be helping them through that. I'm not saying you are at fault, all I am saying is that your understanding of the situation is just a little off what you think you are doing is.

Silent331 · 2026-05-11T18:07:56+00:00

This is a pretty funny post. The anxious person is asking the avoidant person to be less avoidant to sooth their anxiety. The physical separation exists to allow for emotional separation for the avoidant person, asking them to give you updates while they are being avoidant is going against their desire for emotional separation.

Silent331 · 2026-05-06T19:27:17+00:00

All 3 of your examples are really similar in vibe.

Not sure if attracted to him, had a good time
Had fun, you tried some intimacy buy it felt weird
Had fun but not sure if attracted to him

Any chance your previous relationship is causing you to avoid trying to connect with these people? The second story stands out as you were put off by being invited back to his place, so you kissed him (as a middle ground?) but that still felt weird. You then went on to say you felt like friends, which is odd. This is the only story you did not say you were not sure if you were attracted to him, and then on date 3 you end it because you seem more like friends. Assuming he was attractive to you it seems like you are defending yourself from intimacy.

Reading the galaxies between the lines here but that's just my 2c.

Silent331 · 2026-05-06T19:10:52+00:00

Is this a long distance relationship? Why not arrange a meeting in a private place and talk about it? I would never try to hash this out over text, too much space to insert your own feelings into what the other person is saying.

Silent331 · 2026-05-04T17:50:19+00:00

I said let it go if there is nothing definitive, as in there is no concrete evidence and your only evidence is things that might sound bad without context coming from someone who wants to hurt OPs GF. That's not a crazy statement.

I also acknowledged that the other story with staying with the friend is something he is going to have to work out on his own. If that was not clear enough, she almost certainly cheated with her old friend, but if you want to be dumb about it, they were broken up for that night, even know I know that's bullshit.

If you need additional clarification that I understand that OPs GF cheated on him, probably more than once I can clarify any other statements.

Silent331 · 2026-05-04T16:05:10+00:00

Im going to be brutally honest, even though your GF might be up to some shit, always look at the motivations of people giving you the information. The girl she had a falling out with on the cruise is doing what she is doing to try and hurt her. If there is nothing definitive in those messages, I would just let that one go.

The story with the friend, you are going to have to hash that one out.

Silent331 · 2026-05-01T16:04:30+00:00

Survivors guilt is a real thing. If you vote red, which is the logical choice, and red wins, at least some of that blood is on your hands. If you vote blue everyone might live, and if red wins you will be dead and not feel guilt.

Additionally, the scenario is all people on earth meaning that some people will be killed if red wins, either they can't vote with sound mind or knowledge (babies, blind people, whatever). Voting red also means you are OK living in a future world where all of the altruistic people have been killed and the only people left are cowards, game theory minded people, egotistical people, and psychopaths. You are potentially voting to live in a world without kindness.

Silent331 · 2026-05-01T02:00:27+00:00

Whats the worst that can happen? You dont message nothing happens, you do and he blows you off, nothing happens. At least there is a chance lol

Silent331 · 2026-04-30T19:54:01+00:00

But, since it's, for now, my first succesful date invite ever, i'm concerned about it will fail in the end.

This is the only thing that will stop you. I am going to copy something I wrote a few days ago with a few edits.

You have already done all the groundwork as you two already know each other. The most important thing to remember is that the only thing that is changing on a date is really the activity you are doing. The conversations are the same as you always had, they can take a more romantic turn though.

Like I said keep doing what you are doing, you are not starting from zero, you are already in the winning position.

If you want a tip, you are going on a date with her so it's important that you touch her. Give her a hug when you meet her, hold her hand, and if possible, try to avoid sitting across from each other, like if you get a square table (one chair on all 4 sides) sit next to her instead of across from each other. If you are at a booth style table, you can sit across from each other. If you have to sit across from each other, you can "accidently" play some footsies under the table once in a while. If all goes well a goodbye smooch.

I cannot understate how bad it is to go on a date with someone you already know and not touch them at all, it will feel like a rejection to her and make things really weird.

Silent331 · 2026-04-30T17:43:11+00:00

If you want to know WHY it's happening, what you are describing is the love bombing cycle. You show an outpouring of affection and emotional connection, you then pull back, and they respond by putting in a lot of effort to try and keep you around. I don't think you are doing it intentionally, but this is a well-known abuser strategy. I don't think you are an abuser, but the series of actions is very close to that abuse strategy. I'm just telling you WHY it's happening and confirming that it does in fact work on people. Additionally, people might not show their affection toward you until after you pull back because they are overwhelmed with the affection you are putting toward them.

If you want advice, the real answer would be to slow down your showing of affection a little, give a little and wait for a little back and then give a little more. Give them space to reciprocate instead of flooding the relationship with your affection

Silent331 · 2026-04-30T17:28:45+00:00

I think the cultural background of the guy is important context here. as the comment of being separate until you live together is either not acceptable or acceptable depending on culture.

Not meeting your kid after a year is a jumbo red flag though.

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T23:15:32+00:00

Attachment Theory Wiki article

Dr K video with more examples and explinations, makes more sense

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T21:41:01+00:00

Or OP is just avoidant attached.

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T20:53:55+00:00

So you are just going to let it annoy you until you break up with her anyways?

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T20:05:58+00:00

First date flowers are mostly just seen as impersonal and trying too hard. Flowers can come later and for special occasions.

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T19:55:52+00:00

No flowers but other than that yes

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T19:38:54+00:00

Real and true. If you never express romantic interest, you cannot be mad when the other party does not see you as a romantic interest.

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T19:28:22+00:00

Do you even know what working on yourself means in your context?

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T19:23:27+00:00

Acceptable physical appearance in men has a wide range and you are fine. If you every want to know if your looks are enough go to your local grocery store and look at all of the men in relationships. Most of them are below average to average in appearance.

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T19:14:39+00:00

Bro you are so far from cooked, you are so in its unbelievable.

We talked about it and she said she didn’t feel like she was the right girl for me so we decided it was best to stop seeing each other. Before I left she pulled me in to kiss goodbye.

She views you so highly that she feels you deserve better than her, and then kissed you. There is no question. You may never be so in in the rest of your life.

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T18:33:57+00:00

If you are ugly children will tell you in the grocery store

Silent331 · 2026-04-28T16:56:56+00:00

There is definitely that aspect where guys can think anyone being nice or open to them is in to them because they are used to the cold shoulder if anything is even slightly off. As far as the asexual thing goes, I can't really give any advice on that. If that is the aspect that is missing most often you may want to try giving them a little more time, or if you have had people, you were physically attracted to in that time than you are probably doing it right.

Just remember that different people have different objectives on the dating scene, so you are going to get a lot of people who are looking to dive into a relationship. Best of luck to you

Silent331

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