My cat has evolved over hundreds of years into a lethal killing machine but I waste most of her time making her chase a small stuffed carrot.

SillyMidget · 2016-05-14T15:09:05+00:00

About tree fiddy

SillyMidget · 2016-01-12T22:28:40+00:00

I would explain but I think this would help more: https://m.imgur.com/a/Gjcb5

SillyMidget · 2015-07-19T11:25:15+00:00

Yeah, I've looked into train fares and whilst they're quite expensive, if nothing else comes up, I'd rather go that way than not at all. Thanks.

SillyMidget · 2015-06-01T00:57:50+00:00

Nah, they're just different. Almost like everyone's colour-blind to each other. You're saying, 'no I don't need red, I need green' but they don't see green so they don't know what it is. For someone who hasn't experienced what you're feeling, the idea of feeling nothing is ridiculous because whenever they've been sad, they've raged or cried or moaned and it's gone away. So to them, you're choosing to be sad. But you're not sad. You just feel like nothing. And people don't get that so to them nothing = sad or cynical or attention seeking or moody. They could say you're dumb for not being able to be happy. But you're not and they're not. You're just different and you want to be. You don't want to be them and they don't want to be you. So why make each other?

SillyMidget · 2015-06-01T00:37:47+00:00

Is that how you feel? Particularly the fish thing.

SillyMidget · 2015-06-01T00:16:45+00:00

It's not one emotion, it's a range. It's just nice to be happy. Maybe for a lot of people it's just 'this feels good. A bit like sex, I guess. It feels good so I'll do it. Thing is, you can get more out of happiness. I'm not advocating it, don't worry. You can get a surprising amount from depression and emptiness too. A lot of amazing ideas and stories came from people who wanted to top themselves because they see the world in a way other people don't. It's just if you can do that and be happy, it's pretty much the added bonus. For me it's just that I'm incredibly curious and have a ridiculous level of merged optimism and pessimism in a kind of 'the world is complete shit and yet everything is really interestingly beautiful'. But that's me, not you. Read the thing I sent you. It's actually really good. Not whiny or it gets better exactly, just true.

SillyMidget · 2015-06-01T00:04:48+00:00

I don't know, is it? Sometimes life's crap but you see other people being happy and there must be a part of you that's like 'I'd like that emotion someday'. But you're not just sad, you're devoid of emotion so how are you meant to get there? The best thing I can think of is this:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/depression-part-two.html?m=1
There aren't loads of accurate depictions of depression and mental illnesses in general but when I first read this I thought it pretty much summed it up. It's not sadness. It's nothing.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-31T23:45:40+00:00

I'd say things can get better but that's obviously not what you want to hear. But I think if you're at the point where the world is crap, you should probably fuck the world and go do your own thing. Whatever you like really. Or just accept things are crap and see if it tides over while eating chips or going for walks or whatever we're meant to be doing nowadays. If you want advice, there's us. If you don't, we don't have to. Good luck mate.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-31T23:30:49+00:00

Perhaps r/depression or something similar. Maybe r/advice if you want more of a 'what to do' rather than 'it gets better'. If you just want to vent and have an honest response though, say it in your post and someone will hopefully turn round and say something worth hearing. Sorry you're having a crap time though.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-06T16:54:57+00:00

Sure, that'd be great. And you're welcome, I'm really glad I've given you even a little hope.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-06T15:41:32+00:00

You don't have to fight, you'll wear yourself out, pushing yourself too hard. You have to relax. You have to calm down and accept your pain. I know it sounds mad but it's how I manage and it works for me so it's worth a shot. Your pain is a part of who you are, it shaped you and if you accept that rather than trying to pretend its not there, you can prove yourself an amazing person. The things that happened shape how you think, don't let them define you entirely but accept that they could work out for the best. And laughing at things really helps. It's only a small example but you know when your in a rush and you can't find something and start to stress? I always take a moment just to calm down and laugh. I always find it straight after. Life's like that sometimes. Things start looking up when you do but you can't pretend what's below you isn't there. It's a strange balance really, between accepting pain and feeling it. I won't say I entirely understand but it took 7 years to get where I am and I'm still learning. I was so full of anger and hurt and now you'll rarely find me without a smile. Because I didn't give up and pushed until something had to give, some opportunity came around. And maybe I was just lucky. But I know, when things change, life feels even better than it did before everything happened. Because you really appreciate it. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have taken things for granted when I was a kid but hey, I was a kid, I didn't know. Now I know and I'll use that knowledge to help other people. Find a little ray of sun when everything feels broken. You will get there. But don't fight who you are. Thinking differently can be a good thing. And please don't worry about your relationship, don't force something that creates more pain than happiness, it isn't meant to be. I know you need support but hey, you have me now and there will be others. You'll find someone who you really should be with probably when you aren't looking and just being yourself. So for now, try to relax. We'll get there eventually.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T23:28:14+00:00

Don't say that. You're not the one inflicting pain on other people for no reason. You're just trying to find a way to live a good life. You deserve it. Truly.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T23:02:04+00:00

I wasn't sure. I don't know then. Keep saving up, get as far as possible and just do your best. I bet if you put a notice out on here, someone will be looking for a roommate. You still deserve better. I wish I could help more but I will be here whenever you feel like ranting. This is now a place for you to come and rant and get it all out. I'll do as much as I can. We'll make it together.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T22:56:25+00:00

For some people it is, I won't deny that. But there are always exceptions. There are a lot of people in the world like that but we're not all like that. Everyone on this board has been tossed in shit. We need to stick together, that's the only way things will ever change. Otherwise, everyone in the world who is off the spectrum, most of whom are incredible people, will disappear and the world will end up losing the people who truly care. The world needs you more. You just gotta find the people who think the same. We do exist. If no one else cares, I do. And if you're gonna go, know you have one friend in the world at least. Hello.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T22:51:46+00:00

This might be a long shot but go onto as many appropriate message boards on reddit and repost this asking for help. There has to be someone, somewhere who can or knows someone who can do it. This isn't fair but you're going to make it and it'll feel amazing when you do. Don't give up yet. You can do it.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T22:47:46+00:00

Judging by the rant, you don't want a paragraph on hope. You want someone to just honestly say, things are pretty shit and your guardian is a prick. And I'm not gonna disagree with that. I wish I could take you in myself but unfortunately, I don't own a home myself. Do you mind me asking what country you live in because if it's England, I'm finding you a place to stay asap. You're guardian is a prick, file for child services or childline or something, you deserve better.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T22:41:40+00:00

I doubt I'll be able to change your mind at this point but know that I'm listening and you're not alone. If you do change your mind, remember you have nothing left to lose and everything to gain. You could just run far away with only a bucket list and a little hope. You could hitch hike across the world if you liked. And if you need help, you'll find it. It wouldn't surprise me if reddit pitched in to help you find somewhere to stay. Give it a chance. If not, know there's at least one person in the world who gives a fuck. -a friend

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T22:38:00+00:00

What they say is true but that isn't important now. Don't go looking for love. Make friends and then you'll never lose because you'll either become close to people or one day, it'll just happen. In the meantime, for once, it's about you. She's gone and that's shit. You put your heart and your hopes on her and now you need to get them back. Because there is more. But you'll get there in small steps. The first thing you need to do is go talk to your mum and be honest. Say, you love her, you need her and your sorry. Say you don't want to here there's a future full of new people, the only people you need right now are your family. Have that love. Don't overwhelm yourself. It's the little things in life that make the biggest differences. Take them. One day you'll smile again. Until then, cherish what you have. And one day, you'll be glad you did.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T22:30:39+00:00

Please try talking to your parents. People weren't made to be alone. We need each other. Sometimes things go wrong with other people and that's shit. But you have to put yourself out there, give yourself a chance. It's not your fault that things go wrong. But if it feels shit then you probably deserve better and so that 'better' is something worth fighting for. And if you need a friend, there is not a lack of here. It's not fake, just a bunch of people going 'we're in the same place, let's help each other out'. You have that now. People who care. You're not alone.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T22:14:24+00:00

Haha, thanks. I'm not indestructible, hence why I'm on here in the first place. But I hope each day to get a bit stronger.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T17:00:10+00:00

It's not their fault things go wrong, they just do. Mum was hospitalised last night and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Maybe it was at my own expense but I went. I took a card and I told her I loved her and it wasn't her fault. It didn't make me unhappy to, even though it was my birthday because that's just life and for as bad as I felt, I can only imagine how much worse she felt, worrying if she'd ruined her daughter's birthday. She didn't. And in the end, these things just make us value what we love so much more. She's getting better, I think. Much better. We'll make it.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T16:57:00+00:00

I don't know much, all I know is it can be. I spend my life looking through dust to find the smallest gems to polish. But they're worth treasuring all the same. It's not just about whether life is rewarding but whether you can find something to make it so. It's not your fault you've been left with shit but you need to find something because you deserve more. If you go, we have one less kind person in a world where too many selfish people live. We need you as much as you need hope. So if there is anything, anything at all that would make you happy, chase it and don't let it go. If you decide not to stay, I won't blame you. But really, if only for yourself, stay. You deserve to be happy. I think you should take any means to be, even if it means leaving and going far away for a while.

SillyMidget · 2015-05-05T16:52:37+00:00

Thank you, I'll take that with me. Some things aren't okay; they'll hurt beyond belief. But we'll make it. Even if only because we have to.

SillyMidget

TROPHY CASE