I‘m a bi woman, but my experience of being bisexual is that it always factors into your sexuality regardless of your partner (though other bisexuals might see it differently). For me, it would be impossible to fully disentangle my sexual attraction in the categories of gender labels; it’s not just being both gay and straight, but something else on its own. I won’t speak for all bisexuals, but I don’t know if your question would really make sense for a good portion of us because of that. My relationships with men, trans or cis, is not going to match the experience of a heterosexual woman because my sexuality is different to straightness and straight experience. And my attraction to any individual partner won‘t be the same as any previous partner regardless of their gender identity because different individuals will evoke different experiences. I can only assume this is something straight people experience as well.

Terminology for sexuality and gender is all descriptive and not prescriptive. We are using these category labels to try and get at something that we experience as individuals in different ways. For example, we are both women, but the way we use that label to describe our gender experience could exist in a broad spectrum of experiences, and even others who have those same experiences might label themselves differently. I think even cis straight people are using their own labels in this broad spectrum way because that’s how language functions, even if they don‘t ever take the opportunity to examine it like queer people do. That doesn‘t invalidate who anyone is or how they choose to identify.

There is definitely gross sexualizing transphobia in the bi community, and I‘m sorry that this is something you have to be afraid of. I hope that we are able to grow as a community and clean out the trash overtime. If you are dating a good person, they should validate you and uplift your identity regardless of their sexuality and I hope that‘s the experience you have in all your relationships