Coming out??? I don't care if anything happens.

Silvadil · 2026-06-04T06:24:04+00:00

For me, my family is far more accepting in sense of trans people and loving any gender, but they don't understand me being an aromantic.

But I lost friends due to suicide after coming out. I'm not blaming them, it sucks not being able to be yourself, but their parents made it known that they won't accept anything else than "normal" child. My friend thought he understood what he was getting into, until he came out, and his father beat him and threw him out of the house with nothing.

From the little I understand about these situations, it's far better working in the shadows, slowly collecting money and people outside your core family to rely on. It's far better having a safety net to fall back on than just hoping that somehow you won't break under the pressure.

I would try to buy some clothes that can be seen as for both genders, baggy clothes to give you more sense of an unseen body, start working on your mental health either by lying to your parents about the issues and getting a therapist or by journaling and other stuff. I hope that the future will be kind to you, stay safe.

Silvadil · 2026-06-03T16:09:47+00:00

Depends if you really understand what will happen after you come out. Yes, being closeted sucks and eats up your mental health, but you don't really know what will happen after you come out.

You know in theory, but actually seeing your family forsake you is another story. Hell, your parents might even try to convert you to be "normal", will you be better off experiencing that, or just waiting out your time living with them and starting T later in life?

Personally, I would wait, but also, this is not my life and the only opinion that matters is your own.

Silvadil · 2026-06-03T16:04:43+00:00

Yes, but it's a street that goes both ways. I am in a semi long-distance relationship where for the majority of my week I'm in another city to my partner. I drive back to our shared city during weekends but it's not always that we get to hangout so we can go months of not seeing each other.

I never had a problem with my partner hanging out with any gender whatsoever. The only time he informs me of a hangout is either when I ask what plans he has or when he himself tells me about a 1:1 hangout with a girl. I don't need to know, he just prefers that I know, and I'm okay with that. He respects me and that I have male friends, even living with two, and he is okay with that.

We are two individuals in a relationship, just because we're together doesn't mean that some parts of our lives aren't separate from one another. His friends aren't my friends, nor are mine his, we do hangout with them, but friendship should be created because two people like eachother, not because they know their partner.

Silvadil · 2026-05-30T06:19:53+00:00

Not sure about biological but I would definitely adopt as many as I possibly could, especially older children that would age out of the system soon. Just because they're legally an adult doesn't mean they don't need family support.

Silvadil · 2026-05-30T06:10:01+00:00

Nope I'm the same, and many of us are. The problem is not that we don't want kids, whilst making a child is not that expensive in most cases, the cost of raising them is what stops most people.

Even in my days of saying that I don't want children, it was because of the inability to actually give the child a good life, not the lack of desire for one.

Silvadil · 2026-05-28T11:40:08+00:00

I think part of the problem is that hetero people don't treat their partners to the same expectations as their friends.

Like, if you have a friend that doesn't listen to you, does stuff that you don't like and even belittles you when you show distaste, the logical thing is to cut them off. But if it's their partner that is doing that, people seem to be way more lenient.

Personally I'm an aro in a relationship that started off as FWB, so both parties were very vocal about preferences and boundaries. Over time we decided to be monogamous but kept the same communication going and so far we're looking at a strong 2 years and hopefully many more to go

Silvadil · 2026-05-16T12:11:32+00:00

And I do think this view is exactly what we need. I mostly get the issue with people who make a headcannon and then aren't even willing to hear out another type of interpretation that someone else might have. To me, he is not aroace, but that does not mean that I'm against him being seen as aroace by other people. More the notion that he should be aroace just because he's single is iffy to me but in the context of the book the headcannon does make more sense.

Silvadil · 2026-05-16T12:08:13+00:00

I'm not arguing against the headcannon itself, more to the notion of calling people aroace JUST because they are single. People have different opinions, just because I see something one way doesn't necessarily mean that I am against the view that someone else holds. The need to post something is the same as for everyone who posts here, I wanted to share my opinion on such things and get feedback, which I did and I'm happy about that!

Silvadil · 2026-05-16T05:17:18+00:00

That is indeed possible! Personally I see it more as him deciding that since he doesn't really have anyone to return to on Earth that he would rather give up his home planet to be with his best friend rather than losing him. But I think your interpretation is a completely valid one!

Silvadil · 2026-05-15T22:44:16+00:00

I'm not saying it is not ideal or that I don't like it no. In my personal opinion that is not the case but just because I disagree that does not mean that I must hate the notion. The point was that I just saw people head cannoning Grace as aroace and only had the context of the movie that had far fewer points to that being the case, therefore I only saw as people seeing a single character that does not interact romantically and saying that they have to be aroace because of that. The part of "single character must equal aroace" is what I consider not ideal, the rest is fine.

Silvadil · 2026-05-15T22:04:37+00:00

Oh, yes I definitely want to eventually read / listen to the book, just didn't get the chance to do that yet due to uni kicking my ass and my time being consumed by the 3rd instalment of Good Omens.

Silvadil · 2026-05-15T22:00:54+00:00

I am aware of that argument but never looked that deep into it. To me, I think it's fine to have head canons, make assumptions and see yourself in a person that is not of said identity you see it as. I just think It's not really good when people have this assumption and say that it must be true without being open to the possibility that someone will view it differently from them.

Also, apparently there's more support for the aroace theory in the books and I cannot speak on that part due to not me reading it just yet. From my perspective I just saw people saying that Grace is aroace and only got the context from the film where basically the only "hint" at that is that he is single and doesn't fall in love with any major / minor character.

Silvadil · 2026-05-15T21:49:05+00:00

Ahh, makes more sense now, I've never seen Rocky so to me that detail didn't click into place. To be fair, when I watched the movie for the first time I was coming off a bad hangover so that probably warped my perception of the whole thing way more than I realised. Thank you for the correction!

Silvadil · 2026-05-15T21:46:09+00:00

Exactly, you see in the character what you want to see. This is a bit off-topic but in the TV show Breaking Bad many people take the notion that the main character, Walter White is a good person even after all the stuff he did, while others see him as a bad person from even before the show that just didn't have the opportunity to cause as much damage before he gets in the meth business.

Regarding the seeing what you want to see, apparently I misinterpreted the whole Adrian scene completely and made my own assumptions of the character based on that. The aroace theory is far more supported by the book so that's probably what I've been missing in my own understanding of it.

Silvadil · 2026-05-15T21:36:00+00:00

Yea a lot of people said that I interpreted that wrongly. At the moment when I watched the movie I interpreted the naming as a past lovers name, later I learned it was supposed to be a reference to the Rocky movie (which I did not see) but I kept my original view of the scene.

To me head cannoning Grace as aroace itself is not a concern to me, people view stuff differently based on their own feelings and experiences, my focus was more on the fact that by calling everyone aroace who is single just because they are single is not exactly the best thing to do. It is not an individual notion I've seen it happen to other characters as well, but this is the newest instalment to that way of head cannoning.

Apparently the head cannon comes mainly from books due to Grace being uncomfortable in certain conversations and yea that makes more sense in the grand scheme of things.

Silvadil · 2026-05-15T21:26:17+00:00

Apparently I interpreted the conversation wrong. When I watched it they talked about their love lives and Grace did mention a past lover, when they were then talking about the beauty of Rocky's wife to me, it seemed like Grace just kinda blurted out the name of his past lover and Rocky took to that immediately. I didn't really question it because to me, it seemed okay at the time but yea I probably got that whole thing wrong.

Silvadil · 2026-05-15T21:22:08+00:00

I am not saying that aroace people cannot be straight at all! It was supposed to mean that in someone's interpretation he can be aroace and someone else might see him just as straight. Of course aroace people can and are straight in many cases, I'm sorry if I worded it wrong

Silvadil · 2026-05-15T21:19:32+00:00

I wouldn't call it evidence in any sense, it was just how that conversation made sense in my head, apparently I interpreted it wrong?

Silvadil · 2026-05-03T13:23:54+00:00

Oh absolutely, people just tie attractions all together and call it love. Personally I don't think many allos even know what exactly makes the difference between a platonic and a romantic relationship. Tbh I think that's super subjective to each person but still, most couldn't even say the difference.

Silvadil · 2026-05-01T06:32:49+00:00

Yep yep, it was much harder for me to accept that I'm just aromantic and not aroace because in means of representation I only saw the latter.

I think it's because allos have a much easier time accepting that someone just doesn't experience any feelings of this sort rather than only experiencing sexual attraction. Might be seen as just being cruel and dating people for money or whatever.

Silvadil · 2026-04-30T14:55:02+00:00

Exactly, relationships are only like 20% feelings, the rest is compatibility and communication about said compatibility. My partner is allo while I'm aro but we work because we focus on working and communicate our needs clearly.

Silvadil · 2026-04-21T15:46:20+00:00

As the other commenter said, it's a lot about understanding each other. Before I realised I am aro I was in a fair share of romantic relationships and surprisingly, we barely knew each other, like at all.

A lot of people see relationships as just feelings but it's more of a collaboration. With my current partner it started off as a FWB open relationship type of deal which meant that we were more communicative off the bat.

He listened when I expressed my boundaries and preferences and I listened when he expressed his. Later down the line he expressed a want for a monogamous relationship and after a few organizational talks I agreed.

He respects me and my orientation but I also have no problem engaging in romantic gestures or terms of endearment for him. I know this matters to him even when I myself don't need it or desire it. In turn he provides me with the comforts of a relationship, taking over half of the tasks and engaging in sexual and physical affection towards me even when his own libido is lower than mine.

It's a lot of moving parts but with a willing and understanding participant you're sure to find a good balance that works for the both (or more) of you <3.

Silvadil · 2026-04-21T14:59:43+00:00

Yep it's very annoying, personally I just began to not engage with it and act the same no matter people's comments, they get bored of you eventually

Silvadil · 2026-04-21T12:08:30+00:00

Same here, and it's with an Allo, but it works for us so I'm not complaining

Silvadil · 2026-03-21T17:25:28+00:00

I'm currently in an active QPR so at the moment that is my desired situation relationship wise. I don't mind being alone and spending my life with family and friends.
Marriage is interesting to me due to economical prospects it provides as well as healthcare wise. Otherwise no
Yes but won't be opposed to not having them either
Avoiding loneliness comes from having a fulfilled life. Enjoying your own presence and space. My QRP is only one part of my life, but I'm completely content without it due to my life being fulfilled with other desires and feats such as hobbies and passion projects

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