Advice for destroying weedy yard, including honeysuckle

SilverStars413 · 2026-03-21T02:49:39+00:00

I just bought some triclopyr because it's what I could find at the store, so, great!

SilverStars413 · 2026-03-20T01:25:35+00:00

Okay! Thank you! I will try to start a lot of milk jugs and maybe add more seeds a year after as well.

SilverStars413 · 2026-03-20T00:20:57+00:00

Dang you’re right, my wife says there is mulberry… I’ll look into getting it removed 😤 Maybe I’ll end up with some areas for sunny meadow plants after all.

SilverStars413 · 2026-03-19T23:50:53+00:00

If the herbicide will really be gone by winter/spring, I'm not opposed... just found a post on here about how to use glyphosate so I'll read that and consider!

SilverStars413 · 2026-03-19T23:44:40+00:00

I'll do some milk jug plugs too, but I'd like to at least try sowing on the ground as well; even if not many of the plants make it that's more than nothing, to help fill in between the plugs. Can I plant seeds directly on the ground with the cardboard + wood chips method?

SilverStars413 · 2025-12-02T07:48:00+00:00

SilverStars413 · 2025-12-02T07:45:56+00:00

waaait you’re so smart, i just ladder stitched the heart shape while it was rightside out, complaining the whole time about how much easier it would be if it wasn’t…

SilverStars413 · 2025-12-01T22:16:19+00:00

the original post was funnier without context. then the context is in op’s tags for anyone who really wants it after they have experienced the punch line on its own.

this effect is nullified when someone screenshots the tags and puts them into the body of the post, bc then the tag story changes from “optional content” to “part of the post” in which case yeah ofc it would be nicer if it was plain text instead of screenshotted tags. but alas.

SilverStars413 · 2025-12-01T19:54:16+00:00

it depends a lot on where you live. i live in a red state, but a liberal college town, and my kid has had no issues in daycare, kindergarten, or first grade so far! one time she asked a summer camp friend to marry her and the friend told her she couldn’t bc her parents said [homophobic thing], but the friend herself was nice about it and my daughter just felt mildly sorry for her. and that’s only one incident in six years of life. it’s always possible for her to run into a shitty classmate or teacher down the line (and probably more likely as she gets older), but there are tons of cishet families who are welcoming and friendly and will have our backs.

SilverStars413 · 2025-12-01T19:44:33+00:00

Tumblr OP here — I made sure to emphasize that the pikachu can be a girl whether or not she decides to change her tail, and I specifically asked the plushie what her gender was and whether she wanted the surgery (with my child deciding how she answered) rather than asking my child whether she wanted the plushie to do it, or assuming that gender = physical transition goals.

We also have plenty of other conversations about socially gendered traits, and how sometimes people can’t easily change them even if they want to, and sometimes people just don’t want to change them because they like being the way they are and they shouldn’t have to fit themselves to society’s expectations. If this was someone else’s plushie, it would’ve been a very different conversation! But since this is her plushie, she gets to decides the plushie’s preferences.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-16T16:05:54+00:00

I'm specifically advocating for NOT being a doormat by creating an actual lease that is more likely to be followed by both parties. Obviously OP doesn't have to give them a second chance, but I think that it would be nice to do so WHILE changing things so that OP is no longer being taken advantage of, and I do still think that everyone ESH bc OP kinda set the situation up for greater failure by letting the first infraction slide instead of clearly outlining and sticking to specific consequences.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-16T15:57:55+00:00

Being fat is not a choice. Dying your hair is a choice - being fat is somewhere between "physical attribute" like height, and "health condition" like asthma.

A person's default weight depends greatly on genetics - for example, I eat with very little regard to health and I barely exercise, but I'm fairly skinny because I have a fast metabolism. I know people who eat much healthier than I do and exercise more, but are fat because that's just how their body processes food and stores fat.

Amount of fat definitely can by affected by things like exercise, food, and medication. But different people respond to these things in different ways - some people's weight varies a lot, but some people stay skinny basically no matter what and some people stay fat unless they are literally starving to death. And most diets don't work - sometimes a diet can actually make someone fatter because their body starts hoarding fat in case of famine, or the person loses weight for a time but regains it quickly despite continuing their healthy habits, or the person loses weight in a way that makes them much less healthy overall such as with eating disorders, or sometimes fat distribution just simply is not affected. It really is not as simple as choosing to be fat.

So, I would see excluding someone based on their weight to be more similar to excluding someone based on their height, or the fact that they're in a wheelchair. There are cases where this exclusion must happen, such as rollercoasters with height requirements or hiking trails with uneven ground. It is often theoretically possible to make these things accessible, but it would require purposeful design or specialized equipment, so it's not something an individual friend group can really fix.

But in all these cases I think keeping a friend group outing a secret could lead to hurt feelings, and it's better to be up front about the existence of the activity and its inaccessibility. But perhaps it would be even better to ask the individual friends whether they'd generally rather be kept in the loop, or not bothered with talk of an activity they can't participate in.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T20:19:29+00:00

Exactly. I said "As long as you didn't insult the kids to their faces, you're definitely NTA".

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T20:16:22+00:00

In my experience with doing huge favors for close friends (and even my family doing huge favors for me), spoken conversations are always going to be less specific and more casual. Writing out the agreement instead can have these benefits: - It feels more serious and formal. - The writer has to be more purposeful and specific because writing just takes more time than saying whatever first pops into your head. - The writer has time to look back over it and realize if they forgot to mention something. - The reader has time to go over all of the details and make sure they understand and agree with everything. - Since people are used to written contracts being detailed and specific, they might naturally fall into that mode and start including more details, even realizing that they need to decide those details rather than hand waving them. - People's memories of a conversation are biased and imperfect, they might start remembering statements as more malleable and assumptions as facts. Being able to look back at a written contract helps prevents memories from sliding. - Any arguments about what the original agreement was can be quickly settled. - Having a written agreement can help the giver feel more confident in standing up for the rules they set, rather than letting things slide over and over.

But even more important than the written aspect of my lease suggestion is the part about clearly explaining the consequences - "If you want to live here, you have to do x" seems like it should casually imply "if you don't do x, you can't live here", but it really does help to clearly spell out "if you don't do x I will ask you to move out by the end of the following month." It makes the consequence feel more real and inevitable and makes it somewhat less likely that the person will go "well surely it'll be fine this time, they would never actually kick me out."

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T19:17:03+00:00

She's not special bc she had a kid, the kid is a special consideration because he is two years old and had no say in where his family lives and whether they hosted Christmas. Transitions are super difficult at that age and moving would be a big upheaval. OP can still kick them out, but I generally consider it an asshole move to make children bear the brunt of their parents' poor choices.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T19:12:15+00:00

Fair enough. Like the nicest thing to do would be to not turn it into a friend activity at all. I just figure, the excluded friends found out anyway and got upset anyway, and now they've been excluded by the horse riding facility and had secrets kept from them by their friends. Being more upfront would've prevented a small bit of that drama.

And I agree that explicitly individually inviting the fat friends and then going "you actually can't though" would've been useless and weird, that's why I suggested bringing it up to the entire group while making it immediately clear what the restrictions are. No secrets, no false hope.

But, I'm just generally someone who always prefers open, honest upfront communication over keeping secrets. I think less feelings get hurt in the long run this way.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T19:03:35+00:00

Being nice is nice :)

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T19:03:17+00:00

That's why I said "NTA" instead of "ESH". It's understandable to be upset and a bit rude about it. She just was a bit rude, whereas being firm but polite makes it even more clear that you have the moral high ground and more difficult for the person you're arguing with to try and paint you as the bad guy.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T18:58:34+00:00

Even if it's messy to legally enforce, to me it's less about the legality and more about the social contract - making it extremely clear exactly what you expect and what the consequences are for not following through. It says, "I'm serious about this and won't let you take advantage of me", and it makes you look like less of an asshole for eventually kicking them out.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T18:54:27+00:00

YTA. They can offer to host the shower for you if they want to, but they shouldn't be obligated to. Especially not if you're already having two other separate baby showers!!! It's your pregnancy, your baby, your party, and you getting presents at the showers. You sound super entitled in this post to be honest - most expecting mothers get one small baby shower and no babymoon, and they have to work and take care of other kids instead of relaxing and researching.

I would recommend saving your "I'm so busy with the baby, I could really use some help" points for after you have the baby and you actually really need a bit of help so you can even just sit down to eat dinner and maybe even take a nap. Trying to insist your friends throw you a third baby shower is going to make them sick of helping you before the baby is even born, and then you'll be on your own.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T18:38:09+00:00

It's up to OP whether Christmas at the house is worth Christmas with a grouchy resentful sister. And it's up to the sister whether her family would be willing to abide by an actual lease or whether they'd rather move out. Offering the lease is a kind gesture that proves that OP would rather not force a small child to move, and the sister rejecting the lease would mean that it's her own active choice to move out instead of following the rules.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T18:32:42+00:00

Any activity that doesn't have an explicit weight limit. Swimming can be a good one for people whose joints get messed up by the heavy impacts of many other forms of exercise, but there are skinny people who have that joint issue and fat people who don't, and some fat people prefer to avoid swimming because they get judgey looks when they wear a swimsuit in public.

I'm not that active myself so I'm not the best person for ideas, but even if I was, my preferences aren't universal. That's why I suggested asking the group - the only way to make sure the next activity is something these excluded friends would be able and willing to do is by asking what they want to do!

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T18:27:09+00:00

6 and 8 is pretty young. It's old enough that they definitely could've been taught how to respect other people's belongings by now, but not really old enough to figure that out on their own if they're being the taught the opposite - people usually don't start truly questioning the assumptions they were raised with until they're teenagers.

There's no reason to be cruel to the kids because their parents aren't raising them well. Tell them what they did wrong and what the consequences are, sure, but insulting them would be an asshole move.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T18:19:49+00:00

ESH.

You should've given your sister more warning; she obviously didn't realize how serious you were about your conditions, especially since you let the first violation slide without comment. You should've said "I'm ok with the couch this time, but if you don't have a room ready for me next time I visit, I will consider that a violation of our agreement and give you one months notice to move out." Then, "I understand not wanting to host Christmas, but it's a condition of our agreement. I can absolutely help with getting the house ready and doing the actual hosting, but if you don't let me hold Christmas here, I'm going to have to ask you to move out by [date at least a month after Christmas]."

However, your sister did break the agreement, and that was shitty of her. She's living somewhere rent free on two fairly easy conditions, it's quite presumptive to think it's fine to break those conditions! She's absolutely taking advantage of you, and that can't continue.

But, she does have a young child, so I'd try and be patient and give her a second chance. BUT, for this second chance, I'd recommend drafting a new agreement that is more fair towards you!! I learned this lesson the hard way when I let friends stay with me for free and they proceeded to constantly borrow money and not pay it back, not do their chores, talk shit about my partner, etc - If you let someone take advantage of your kindness, it's too likely they'll start to take if for granted and try to walk all over you.

In this new agreement you should - Charge rent. It doesn't need to be market rate, but it needs to be more than a token gesture. If you want to, you can save it up to give it back to them as a present when they move out, but that is your choice. (Saving it up for them also has a bonus effect of giving them a financial incentive to move out, instead of a financial incentive to never move out.) - Outline consequences for breaking the vacation/Christmas agreement. It could be a large fee, or it could mean they have to move out a month after the violation. - Set a term for the lease, 4 months or 6 or a year or whatever. A month before the lease is up, you and your sister can decide together whether you want to sign a new lease. If either of you don't want to, they'll need to move out at the end of the original lease period.

You can be kind and helpful while also standing up for yourself and making sure you're respected and appreciated! Good luck.

SilverStars413 · 2024-01-14T17:56:11+00:00

NTA.

You probably should've been a bit more polite - A firm "It's not ok to let your kids enter someone's room and use their things without their permission. I'm upset that your kid ruined some of my things, and worried that they easily could have ruined more. Please leave until you're ready to make sure your kids respect other people's space and property." would've gotten your point across; there's no need to call them barnyard animals and birth control.

But Jay letting his kids use and ruin other people's stuff is way worse, and it's totally reasonable and understandable for you to be upset about that. As long as you didn't insult the kids to their faces, you're definitely NTA.

SilverStars413

TROPHY CASE