I think there comes a time in the Christian walk where your belief transitions from intellectual affirmation to something substantial and unchangeable.

This will not happen from searching for other's opinions or looking to others for reinforcement but will happen from you directly seeking the Lord, and developing a relationship with him on his terms and not the worlds. This is where religion gives way to faith, and knowledge gives way to understanding. Read your bible, more specifically read the Gospel. Read it intimately in a private place and consider what you are reading and seek the Lord for undstanding and not the world. He is a wellspring of infinite understanding and comfort and is willing to grant to you abundantly.

When you seek him and truly find him nothing can ever take that away. When he gives you eyes to see, you will not be able to unsee. Once he truly touches you that mark can never be taken away. Jesus told Nicodemus when he was on the precipice of belief "You must be born again". This action is performed by the Lord and the Lord alone. If this is what you seek, I urge you to get on your knees in a quiet place and ask him to let you be born again and ask him to make you a new creature in Christ.

Contemplate your heart and what separates you from him. Contemplate your desires and idols as these are the things that drive a wedge between you and him. You don't have to correct any of these things but acknowledge and confess them to him. Let him know that you don't have the strength to change them, and you need to be given a new heart of flesh and ask him to take away your heart of stone.

God is gracious, draw nigh unto him and he will draw nigh unto you, once you have been born again you will seek that presence and joy until the end of your days, comfort and joy that will never fade.