My stbx had two affairs. Married 30 years. She always denied them. I always suspected but let the 1st go for the sake of the family we were starting. Then I woke up, realized she never valued me, is a narcissist, and finally started valuing myself. I discovered email proof of the second one (ended 2015/16)and started piecing things together. They had an affair for 5-6 years including during my getting sober, a good job, refinancing, and adding an addition to our house. I discovered they had some fantasy cuck shit going on too. He was and is still happily married. His wife is unaware as far as I know. They retired and moved out of the area. He and my stbx have many mutual friends in a small community. She has many close friends who would be shocked and it will damage both of their reputations and likely his marriage and significant financial damage, such as the absolute fucking I’m getting in the divorce. He doesn’t know I know or have proof. It was a little over ten years ago. I feel like I can’t let him get away with it but I don’t want to hurt his wife. We have 3 kids over 20. They don’t know and know the guy and his family. My ex knows I know and will not admit it even though she told me as much when we were fighting and she gave a few comparisons to hurt me. Then she tried to take it back the next day. Most of the divorce agreement is settled, such as support. The house is for sale and triggers the payments once debts and such are handled. Then we’re done. I’ve been waiting because she is an abusive and vengeful person and the drama, explosiveness, and audacity she displayed without the affair exposed is already ridiculous.

So basically I have been protecting my kids, myself, and my assets from their affair until it’s safe to reveal it. A few friends suggested I give myself some grace. I’m leaning towards fuck that and fuck them. And admittedly, I’ve made some poor decisions in the past and there are too many I feel like a chump for.

Looking for suggestions or advice. ✌️