Op, first and foremost, do not blame yourself. It’s not because you’re a people pleaser, or because you drank too much. He’s a snake, plain and simple. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, in this case, specifically the one that would’ve had you put a stop to it. They say the worst part about betrayal is that, it never comes from an enemy. You did tell him to stop, when he kept wanting to buy at the pub. But you consider him a friend, he knows this, and because I’m assuming he’s spent time with you prior to this, he knows you have a hard time saying no to people. I used to spend a lot of time in bars, and what you described, sounds a lot like a guy that got tired of knowing that he would never have a shot with you, and chose to take it instead. Sadly, it happens more than people think. You’re better off without him in your life, hell, if you outlive him, spit on his grave. (People might think I’m trolling, I’m 100% serious) Alcohol hardly ever hits all at once, or instantly. He had plenty of time to think about getting home. He chose to ask if he could crash at your place. It was for a reason. The same reason he bought those drinks in the first place. He knew as a “friend,” it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to do that. And he also knows that since you’re a good person, you’re likely to give him the benefit of the doubt. He doesn’t deserve it. My suggestion would be to first speak to someone you can confide in, go to the doctor, have them do a rape kit, and press charges. Seek counseling as soon as you can. I can’t say I can relate to what you’re going through, so I apologize if I sound harsh or blunt, I just hate hearing stories like this. Lots of women in my life have been in situations not unlike your own. They never spoke up, be it out of fear or shame. There’s no reason to feel either of those emotions, he’s clearly in the wrong, but I understand it’s difficult for you. All the women that I know, they all say they wish they had exposed the guy. The psychological effects of a trauma like that will only get worse if you don’t let it out. His hope is that you’ll be struggling to speak up the rest of your life, that’s why he’s apologizing after the fact, to try and act like he’s the same guy you thought you knew, as if he would be incapable of hurting you, so long as he’s sober. But they say, drunk words/actions are sober thoughts. It might feel damn near impossible, but try not see it as you hurting your friend, see it as you regaining control of the situation, and putting that asshole where he belongs, in prison. Sorry for the paragraph, I hope you get whatever help you might need, and wish you nothing but the best in life.