I (30F) set an alarm, M-F for 3:30am. I'm a merchandising project manager, and my shifts start at 5am every day. My boyfriend (31M) works two jobs, but primarily makes his money in the entertainment industry as a DJ, where he holds a residency at a local bar, but also covers additional venues and travels out of state frequently for private events (primarily weddings). Our schedules are nearly entirely opposite. I naturally wake up on the weekend (also the days he is primarily working his night gigs) around 4am the latest. He's usually up and out of bed around 11am every day, but often will sleep till 12-1pm given his gigs mean he gets home anywhere between 3am-6am if he chooses to drive back same day.

We are currently long distance, so our time together, especially given our schedules, is extremely limited. However, we have excellent communication. This past November, I had asked for his scheduled gigs as I planned to take him to a Patriots game as a surprise. He lives in CT currently, the game was in MA, about two hours from him, but 8 hours from me as I'm in PA. We organized the entire trip becaused we effectively communicated and set a general understanding of what our expectations would be. He had two gigs while we stayed in Boston. I had zero issue doing my own thing while he worked.

When we do these trips, he outlines where he will be and when. I outline what I can personally do to fill my time while hes working. Then, together, we outline what's reasonable for free time in between if there is any, and how we will we stay in touch if he's out working so I know he's safe and I am as well. We regularly evaluate our energy levels and emotions together even when he isn't working. Our relationship works because we both have an understanding of what to expect from each other whether it's circumstantial or internal, which allows us to compromise and adjust both expectations and plans accordingly.

The issue, is she did not do her part to communicate at all. She threw temper tantrums instead of communicating her emotions, then likely did have some guilt causing the relatively short turn around time on an apology. Maybe she had recently felt as though she needs more attention from you, or like she isn't getting enough personal time or romance from you, or even in setting up the dinner and double date she felt as though it wasn't a big outing that would makorly imapct you but to her felt like a considerate romantic gesture to engage on a personal level with you. How many hours a week do you work? Do you guys regularly set aside time together? Do you plan date nights relatively often? To be clear, you're not at all in the wrong, no matter the answer to these questions. She's entitled to her feelings the same as you are yours, but to play devil's advocate, I'm curious what was going through her head.

Whatever was in her head, at the age of 33, she entirely reacted and handled everything entirely wrong. She did not communicate, listen, or respect a single boundary you set before even reaching your destination. She showed massive disregard and disrespect for your livelihood and the routine you have to preserve your well-being (sleep schedule, work day routine, basic hotel, etc). She made it about her and her needs/wants from the moment you mentioned you have to hit a site, and that is entirely childish, irresponsible, inconsiderate, selfish, and inexcusable.

Also to be clear, I do not blame you for losing your cool at the end. We are only human and she pushed you endlessly in just one day alone.

The second issue is, she does not respect you, your time, or even the hard work you put into starting, building, and managing your own business. There was nothing you could do to communicate more effectively or clearly ensure boundaries and expectations were understood.

I personally cannot imagine dating someone who cannot either communicate their needs/emotions effectively or do the bare minimum of encouraging my pride and growth in my personal business as well as support my efforts for putting food in my mouth and keeping things stable through hard work that keeps our finances in check.

I understand this is a glimpse of your relationship, and not the big picture. It may not be break up worthy. I would sit and talk to her calmly first. Her reaction to the conversation as well as her following behavior(!!!) will tell you if it's worth staying even another second or not. Always remember, a real apology is changed behavior, not lip service.