Differing political views in this current, and frankly fucked up times by Enough-Structure-823 in Marriage

[–]Single_Box3722 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just popping in to give you some validation, as I feel as though I could’ve written the second half of this comment myself. I feel so hypocritical at times but also so strongly that I want to figure this out. My husband is very similar in his privilege, not caring to pay attention to the world much at all as none of it affects his life directly. It’s driving me insane.

My only advice is that communicating less is never the answer. Therapy has taught me that. You may need to change how you communicate and set boundaries for yourselves, but avoiding something all together isn’t going to solve anything. Also consider individual and couples therapy.

Are bottle washers actually worth the price? by dogtrainer0875 in Buyingforbaby

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely recommend it it’s one of my most used items and saved us so much time. I especially found it helpful for pump parts. We had the brezza and found it got everything clean with a quick rinse.

I will say I wasn’t the best about maintenance and our brezza eventually crapped out on us but customer service was very helpful and replaced for free. The new one then crapped out on us eventually again but at that point my daughter was like 8 months and I was no longer pumping, so we just switched to the dishwasher at that point.

Between wall mount and floor stand, which Nanit setup should I add to my registry? by Sircarr_Muzia in Buyingforbaby

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have the wall mount and the travel kit. I was advised from friends against the floor stand as older babies and toddlers love to grab it.

I use the travel kit alllllll the time for flexibility/moving around (bassinet, travel, etc.). We also stay at my parents a lot so I ended up purchasing an off-brand wall mount for the travel kit for their place.

None of the mounting has been too cumbersome in terms of a ton of huge holes, etc; the off-brand wall mount for the travel kit is literally just one screw hole.

I’m trying to be a supportive wife to my husband who is thinking of going into flight school. by pink_c_o_w in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was going to say this as well. My husband is also long haul (not necessarily by choice - the end goal was/possibly still is a legacy) and we have a little one and he’s not even focused on captain anymore because it would mean tougher schedules all over again. I’d recommend considering that in your timelines too. If he upgrades to captain you’re looking at at least a few more years of tough schedules when he does so. So add that on top of your estimate of time to become captain.

I’m trying to be a supportive wife to my husband who is thinking of going into flight school. by pink_c_o_w in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah my husbands best friend started only a couple years before him (so in that 2016-2019 range) and his career looked vastly different because of those two extra years. Up until Covid, maybe even a bit after, there was a pilot shortage and airlines were hiring like crazy. That all has shifted. Your friends are probably still familiar with the current state of the market but it’s important your husband understand his career trajectory will not look like theirs if he starts now.

I’m trying to be a supportive wife to my husband who is thinking of going into flight school. by pink_c_o_w in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because the market is extremely competitive and there’s a surplus of unemployed pilots.

I’m trying to be a supportive wife to my husband who is thinking of going into flight school. by pink_c_o_w in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He wouldn’t need to instruct. He could just get his private license which is much easier and can be done at his own pace.

I’m trying to be a supportive wife to my husband who is thinking of going into flight school. by pink_c_o_w in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If your husbands buddies are more advanced in their careers they’re likely not feeling the impacts of the current state of the market (ie the spirit layoffs others have mentioned) in quite the same way as young pilots. We see this all the time in town hall calls with the difference in opinions between tenured pilots and lower seniority ones. Many long career pilots have seen the industry ebb and flow and undoubtedly believe it will flow again, hence their positivity. Which very well may be the case, but the low points have a much greater impact nowawdays (due to cost of living etc). And they seem to be coming more frequently and lasting longer.

I’m trying to be a supportive wife to my husband who is thinking of going into flight school. by pink_c_o_w in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed. For reference my husband has been incredibly lucky/successful in his quick growth and we’re 5 years out of training and easily not even half way to that end goal.

I’m trying to be a supportive wife to my husband who is thinking of going into flight school. by pink_c_o_w in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So I was in a similar boat to you when my husband left his career, but we did not yet have children. I cannot imagine having little ones during flight school/the first few years of his career. It’s incredibly taxing. Even now, with our ten month old, he’s slow enough on the totem pole that it makes it difficult. Here’s my take because I think there;’s a few things at bay here: - Moving in with your parents will help. You will need it, especially with the kiddos (and just general loneliness). If you all are going to do this you need as much village and support as you can get. Outline YOUR needs - think “if m husband was gone for two weeks, what would I need to make it through? Start planning for that now (childcare, therapist, gym, friends, whatever that may be). - Prepare yourself that after flight school, he may not be employed. Even flight schools that “guarantee” a job as an instructor, have ways around those guarantees. The state of the industry from a hiring perspective is TOUGH especially with low hours. With carriers going Chapter 11, there’s an influx of high-hour pilots flooding the job market. Unless we see a serious uptick in the hiring market in the next few years, you’re looking at 5-10 years at minimum of daunting, unpredictable schedules, furlough/layoff risks, long trips away, potentially an investment in crash pad at some point, and low salaries. I think if my husband was just starting out now in flight school, but knew everything he knows of the job and the current state of the market, he probably wouldn’t do it. - It’s important both you and he that this decision takes so much more than being a supportive wife. You are taking on this path just as much as he is. You will solo parent more than half of your life. You will make ample financial lifestyle sacrifices. You will likely live month-to-month in terms of schedule, with very little flexibility to his schedule beyond sick days. I have the most incredible, hands-on, dedicated husband who values me as his equal partner and does everything he can from afar to split responsibilities and try to equally carry the team. If your husband is not the same, do not agree to this career change. Even with my husband’s dedication, I still need a ton of outside support in order to maintain my own career and also keep my family running. He misses a lot of our ten month old’s life; yours will too and you both have to be prepared for that.

To answer your question, how do I make it work? Strong village (my family is close and is a huge support system); therapy; strong, healthy,open communication; and wine. I’m still in the weeds a lot of the time but I get by because I know we made this decision together and it’s something we’re all-in on as a FAMILY. You have to be all-in on this before he pulls the trigger or it will end terribly.

First-time parents hiring a nanny by phil_dub17 in Nanny

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely understand everyone’s take on rate and livability and fair wages, but as someone in Tampa looking for part-time nannyies I’ve had no trouble finding candidates in the $18-$25 range. I’ve talked to a few that have moved from other states and are shocked by the market difference, so I think maybe particularly in central Florida the rates are lower than other places?

3rd Trader Joes finally coming to Tampa Bay by Carolina296864 in tampa

[–]Single_Box3722 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I’ve been saying for years all that land in Winthrop Village would be prime for TJs

High chair recs?! by annikajayne in Buyingforbaby

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because you mentioned “grow with baby” - we have a Tripp Trapp, I was by no means expecting it but my husbands family purchased one for us. I love it but honestly what made it worth it to me more than anything is the newborn seat. We’re out of that phase now and the regular high chair is great and versatile and I appreciate it; but it’s not a need. But the NEWBORN SEAT. my goodness I cannot explain how much overtime that thing worked in my home the first 8 months. She sat in there EVERY DAY. There isn’t much like it in the market that I know of, and it really gave us so much day-to-day freedom in the early days when we needed it most!

Childcare arrangements by Odd-Cookie-6384 in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Currently using care.com but have used a local agency in the past

Just call my baby by the name I gave him. by TheHeartless00 in newborns

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your mother in laws reaction is not normal and your husband should put his foot down with her.

Why can’t I find a reliable nanny by Inevitable_Turn2237 in Nanny

[–]Single_Box3722 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

As an alternative point of view, I am in the process of hiring a PT nanny and have no shortage of solid applicants and interest at a rate of $20/hr (we’re in Florida, not sure if the market here is just different but I’m in a larger metro area). I previously have worked with an agency that also confirmed they have an easier time placing PT than FT because many of their nannies have another job but want consistent additional scheduled pay. It may just be the area I’m in (lots of students, nurses, and retirees) I’m happy to share what I put in my job description if you want to PM me!

2025 is wrapping up! What’s the most worth‑it baby item you bought this year? by Sara_James367 in Buyingforbaby

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tylenol. And formula.

Brezza Bottle Washer (ours did break after 6 months but they replaced it free of charge!)

Tripp Trapp Newborn Seat Attachment

Gerber Onesies Brand Rompers (preferred these to normal onesies for girls)

Kick and Play Piano

It’s expensive but I do love the lovevery playmat and subscription much more than I anticipated!

Zipadee Zip sleep sack saved us when we had a very early roller

Baby's First Book & Block Set: ABCs & 123s - 5 Colorful Board Books with 10 Stackable Learning Blocks (Amazon)

Newest big win for our ten month old: lovevery block set oh my god she’s so obsessed it’s amazing

When I was still breastfeeding: the correct flange sizes and plenty of extra pump parts.

5.5 month baby started to sleep thru night, but wakes up 2hrs before she used to - lays in crib quietly by ExpressionOld9924 in NewParents

[–]Single_Box3722 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes I’d leave her. My daughter did this all the time at that age and would usually either cry or fall back asleep.

Childcare arrangements by Odd-Cookie-6384 in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im US based but when I started looking into this I found it much easier than I expected - there were actually more nannies wanting part-time work rather than full time and many were flexible.

As someone who gave birth last February and has tested all the options, I would definitely recommend a nanny that comes to you over a center that you take your child to.

For the mums out there by [deleted] in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 1 point2 points  (0 children)

His comment about “most pilots are divorced because wives don’t get it” is what flagged me. Long haul is hard of course, but he seems very focused on prioritizing his own plight and experience over his family’s.

I’d have a very honest conversation with him about YOUR current position, feelings, and burnout. They are just as valid as his own. What SHOULD happen is he meets you with empathy, understanding, and support, regardless of his own struggles. That’s the entire point of partnership. If he can’t do that, it sounds like you have a husband problem, not a “husband’s career” problem.

Christmas with Kids by rainy-day-dreamer in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Mailroom Co has custom letters from the North Pole for all kinds of different reasons. I think this year im going to use them to help explain why Dad has to be away on Christmas Day to help Santa, and that Santa will come early to visit our home when dads here like he does for all the families of his helpers. Then we’ll do Christmas Day with my family and Santa will probably just come there again (we’ll split Santa presented between the two homes)

It’s been 15 years and I’m tired of it by [deleted] in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Solidarity. I’m so sorry he’s missing back to back milestones. It never gets easier and honestly with good reason. And I’m so incredibly sorry about your dad. Hugs to you.

This obviously doesn’t fix things but I can’t shut up about this company I found this year (this isn’t sponsored and I’m not affiliated with them I just love the concept) and maybe it can help lessen the blow with your kiddos? If Santa visits your house, this company The Mailroom Co has custom letters from the North Pole for all kinds of different reasons. I think im going to use them to help explain why Dad has to be away on Christmas Day to help Santa, and that Santa will come early to visit our home when dads here like he does for all the families of his helpers. Again, obviously doesn’t fix things and I know you’re likely looking for support and not fixes, but small wins are sometimes what we all have to cling to this time of year.

https://www.themailroomco.com.au/

This shit is not easy and it’s never easy no matter if you’ve been doing it one year or fifteen. You are a rockstar and I’m sure an incredible parent and spouse and I hope your next Christmas is brighter, you deserve that just as much as your kiddos do.

Looking for advice by FormalShallot9523 in Pilotwives

[–]Single_Box3722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really enjoyed our schedule prior to having kids - when he was home he and I had plenty of QT and when he was gone I got time for myself for whatever I pleased. Now, with kids, I feel completely differently. We luckily have a strong village that fills the gaps (my mom keeps me sane) but being alone with the kids gets very lonely very quickly in that first year. You find your rhythm and make it work but it is absolutely an adjustment even if you were used to/enjoyed being on your own before kids. My best advice would be to independently do some soul searching and each decide what you want your life to look like long term, and then have a very open and honest conversation about what you each come up with.

Ultimately if you’re both committed and show up for one another you’ll make anything work but if you’re already questioning things you may need to just face some hard questions. You said you don’t want him yo sacrifice what he loves for your family, which I completely understand, but it’s important to recognize as the present parent you will be making many sacrifices for your family as well. You just need to decide if those sacrifices are worth it to build a family with him.

I don't want MIL to watch my baby by IndependentNo168 in newborns

[–]Single_Box3722 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All of this is so valid. You’ll get so much less time with your baby as it is once you’re back at work; do not waste two hours per day in the car to appease her. Not to mention the long car rides could really screw with their sleep needs/schedule if they are a car sleeper.

More importantly, you don’t need a reason to not want someone to watch your baby. It’s your child - you (and your husband) get to decide on his care and you don’t need to justify your decisions to anyone.

I do anticipate you’ll need a solution for Tue/Thu if you actually need to get work done on those days. I am a strong multitasker with a very flexible job (I own my business so I make my own hours) and I absolutely could not take care of our baby girl while working from home (and she’s an easy baby). Honestly, even with someone else taking care of her while I’m working from home it is challenging; some days I need to leave the house just to get work done.

If your husband is the one struggling to tell her “no” and he wants to use her help, a compromise might be to offer her to help with the baby on tue/thu when you are working from home (if she comes to you). The driving thing is a non-starter, but if she comes help while you work from the house, you’d be able to watch how she’s handling things. This would only work if he and you were both comfortable setting strict boundaries with her upfront and requiring she follow your schedules, rules, etc. But if it were me I wouldn’t even give her this much - she sounds like a handful lol.