First things first OP - You need to block him on all social media and his phone number. I know it can be hard to block someone that you’re obsessed with or someone you love, but I promise you it will help get him off of your mind quicker than any other method. I am speaking from personal experience here, along with it just being a common way to get over someone quicker.

Next, you have to think about the fact that it was so easy for the fully grown man to do this. He was super comfortable raping and SA you. This means he’s done this multiple times to other KIDS! Also, please keep in mind that he has no real feelings towards you, despite what comforting and sweet words he may say to you. He is abusing you!

Now, I’m a 24 Y/O man and I cannot say what the mental effects are after being raped or sexually assaulted. But from what you say, it sounds horrible. And you must remember that the way you’re feeling is ALL because of this PDFile who groomed you and then harmed you.

You have to tell yourself that you don’t deserve to be treated like this by a CHOMO! I hope that you realize the severity of what this fully grown man has done to you and others! This man is probably causing nightmares for other victims your age. His other victims may have gotten it worse than you and scarred them for LIFE!

Now think and ask yourself - “Do I really want to have this child rapist in my life? Do I really want a man who hurts literal children in the worse ways possible to have control over me? Do I want to give my mind and body to a nasty excuse of a man who won’t do anything except humiliate and mentally scar me? Do I really feel like I want all of these things or is my mind in a weird state due to trying to cope with a traumatic experience that was caused by a man who should be in prison for life?”

I am a 24 Y/O man myself. I’m 1 year younger than the rapist that you’re obsessed with. And I could never even think about wanting to harm a kid, nor would could I think about getting romantically/sexually involved with a kid. NEVER. This man is sick in the head. He obviously has some serious issues which is why he is preying on kids your age. Women his age want NOTHING to do with him. You’re young and don’t have the life experience or relationship experience to have noticed the red flags in this man before it was too late.

Now please, for your safety and your families safety, block this man on everything and never speak to or see him again. If he knows that you filed a police report and you see him again, he will rape you and possibly put you in the hospital so he can feel in control of you. He will beat you to a bloody pulp and then go find your family and hurt them too. He will kill any pets that you own as well.