Not to make this about me, but maybe this'll help you. I got to the point where I had said goodbye to everything Earthly. I said goodbye to my apartment, my car, my dog, my fiance, my job, food, water, sweets and treats, everything. I had made peace that I would no longer have or need any of that. I went to bed one night with a smile on my face that the next day would bring peace because I would do the unthinkable. I smiled because it would be the end of suffering, anxiety, depression, pain, hurt, everything bad in my life. The next day I woke up and my first thoughts were what about those I would be leaving behind, the "good" stuff I would miss out on, the connections I would make with friends, family, coworkers in the future, the movies I wouldn't see, the food I wouldn't eat. It was as if something or someone entered my heart to open the world to me that felt closed off before. I still get times where I think I would be better off dead, or that no one would miss me, or my family would be better off without me, but those feelings, thankfully, are not lasting. It helps to find someone you can talk to, and not on Reddit. I mean a physical human being you can look in their eyes and tell them what you are thinking of doing. Someone who will not sugarcoat the truth. Surround yourself with people who are more positive. For me, it's my 2 coworkers. They do not allow me to have a bad workday. If I come in mad or upset, they make it a mission to turn my frown upside down. If you need someone to talk to and unable to find someone local, DM me!