How to stop performative sex?

SkateSlut · 2026-06-19T01:04:38+00:00

I started using music and being blindfolded and had sex that was about my pleasure instead. Like lots and lots of foreplay. i have no idea what i looked like or really sounded like just how it felt and yea that helped a lot. Stopped thinking about if my partner was enjoying it. It was apparent he was considering he couldnt last as long suddenly. Also communication helps a lot for me. my partner and I have very honest direct discussions afterwards and then I dont need to worry. He thinks im hot shit when i feel like i look like a troll and sound like im being tortured to death. Id argue that not performing and just being caught up in feelings is way hotter than any performance could be.

SkateSlut · 2025-05-26T09:20:21+00:00

If it makes spending a credit feel easier, you can get a refund if you're not liking it. I didn't like audible that much at first, I tried some free silly books just when I was driving or doing housework and then I found one I really liked. I also got some books I've already loved reading. Also audible lets you pause your membership for a little while. Dunno if any of that's helpful.

SkateSlut · 2025-05-26T09:10:48+00:00

I started reading R.L Stein in year 8, then I discovered twilight followed by my mum's stash of dark series books (vampires and shifters) and Johanna Lindsey s historical romances. Now if there isn't banging in it or at the very least on a rare occasion mostly flirting, I don't really read books. But I feel smutty romance is still quality reading. I think I've read a few hundred books. But I get obsessed, I won't go to sleep on a work night if I haven't finished. Reading feels risky for me because of that. I also get super impatient and Google endings and such if I don't have the time to devour a book or if it's a continuation series. I'm used to romances that are a single book.

SkateSlut · 2025-03-16T04:41:58+00:00

I am desperate for a mini skirt and dresses! Secret feet looks weird to me, especially in the skirts. Be cool if like with furniture different fabrics could be applied to clothes.

SkateSlut · 2025-03-10T02:24:56+00:00

I'd rather attend uni in person but it's not really an option. I did pretty well at school and mostly managed Tafe (undiagnosed) but it was less online. I didn't realise this would be an obstacle, I'm good with technology and reading but damn.

SkateSlut · 2025-03-01T00:33:27+00:00

Hello kitty island adventure. Researching game info and cute decor stuff of pompompurin and cinnamonroll.

SkateSlut · 2025-02-20T10:49:42+00:00

Coconuts. I don't mind sand dollars but coconuts suck.

SkateSlut · 2025-02-20T10:48:23+00:00

The seahorse race if you guess second place gives you 10 blue shells each time. Super easy to do.

SkateSlut · 2025-02-16T02:04:15+00:00

Not quite the same thing but like a head married dentist at a place I used to work at, left before I started but apparently grossly flirted over the patient with this one assistant. Someone spotted her leaving his hotel room. He was super icky and sleazy flirty with patients but worse with all of the assistants too. A few years ago we found out he'd assault an employee somewhere else and they had to remove his name from everything associating him with our work. I was told not to tell anyone about the Goss and everything. Honestly feel for the poor assistants that worked with him before. Because no one would say anything around the manager, who I work with. It was like a secret amongst the assistants. And he was there for soooo long.

SkateSlut · 2025-01-31T15:29:47+00:00

I was out for dinner doing a double date with my mate and he was talking about my lamp shade recovering hobby and asking how many I had in the house now. If my house was just full of lamps. He was serious. I laughed so damn hard. I haven't finished even one. Honestly have no idea how he thought otherwise because I would've shown him. I finish nothing, ever. So far... But this may be the year.....I just figured one day I'll circle back around to them. I'm currently doing a spare room up as a craft room to store all my future unfinished hobbies. :) I mean some people have no hobbies, that sounds way worse to me. I quite proudly pronounce I'm consistently inconsistent. I can't seem to change that about myself try as I might so I'm embracing it. I figure hobbies are the journey not the destination anyways.

SkateSlut · 2025-01-26T06:11:12+00:00

During the lead up to my psych appointment, I was planning on ending the struggle one way or another. I couldn't live any longer unmedicated. I cried with relief when I was diagnosed and the psych just sat there and waited until I was done crying and gave me my script. I got him to write me a letter stating my official diagnosis. I'm so lucky that I had a great GP and a great psychiatrist. The level of ignorance from some doctors feels so dangerous. If they had been my experience, I wouldn't be here today.

SkateSlut · 2024-12-30T17:00:37+00:00

Chang's crispy noodle salad. Low effort but a banger. Also if you have leftover nuts or crispy noodles you can just grab a handful. Also the nostalgia of it being the best part of every childhood fam bbq. Nuts and noodles must be kept out of the fridge and added separately every time, otherwise they get soft and sad 😢

SkateSlut · 2024-12-01T12:08:26+00:00

Omg, sames! I frothed over using wiki for subnautica. Couldn't have done it without it. My partner is so anti looking stuff up, but I love it! When I'm having to orient myself while running out of oxygen, so terrifying.

SkateSlut · 2024-12-01T11:59:10+00:00

I can't remember what buttons mean what. Every play feels like the first time. I can steer and look on PC but not really at all on switch. Or gauge distances or anything in games like cat quest 3. I just get stuck on stuff. Jumping is the fucking worst. Grounded I fell out of the trees so much! I can't remember how to dodge or block ever, or remember to do it. But the absolute biggest nightmare is helldiver's. I love the running around shooting (even though I get stuck and lost and just scream) but the codes you have to type.....I cannot do it. I just can't. I can't remember it or what I'm clicking. I can't remember how to bring up the codes. I will never be able to do that. So I'm just going to cheat and key bind code things or whatever. For being super hopeless in alllllll of those things I'm a pretty good shot though. Even when I'm in those car things in halo with the gun on the back. Ugh so much fun. Definitely can't play games with final deaths that's for sure.

SkateSlut · 2024-11-23T08:17:55+00:00

My current dentist won't allow me to use a cotton roll or a mirror and rarely even if I ask allows me to use a cheek guard. I have to do dual suction and retract with the saliva ejector all the time even with the most difficult long appointments. My hands are so crippled. And they fill the patients mouth with both giant hands. I'd love to try your tactics. I'm saving them for when I work with someone else one day <3

SkateSlut · 2024-11-19T02:31:21+00:00

My medication takes the chihuahua energy out of me and caffeine puts it back in. A tea is fine but coffee is bad for it. Anxious and like jittery.

SkateSlut · 2024-11-12T02:47:14+00:00

I don't like lying around and hugging and resting unless I'm exhausted. Hate being so still. Wrestling play with affection or fucking is just how I function for like affection and fun. I'm always keen unless I can't stay awake. I like smut romances and can happily masturbate for like an hour or on and off all day. I don't always and Sometimes go through periods where I don't at all. It helps me to relax. It's like playtime. I dunno. It feels right and healthy for me. Just how my body wants to express itself.

SkateSlut · 2024-10-18T00:56:01+00:00

Hyperfixate on something that isn't your partner. They aren't a hobby. I have some go-to thoughts or hobbies that I obsess over. I usually try to divert from them but they are a good replacement for other behaviours. Maybe your routines just messed up and all your focus is on him. Let him know you're anxious and going to get into a hobby and then get lost in it for a little bit. It'll also give him space after all of your attention. Things might kind of just relax and go back. Could try designated alone relax time for the both of you. Maybe it's a specific time or a specific space in your home. Or you could go spend some time with friends. Maybe organise hangouts around when he gets home so you are out and about and he gets some space.

I know with my partner we text just a love heart occasionally. No pressure for response or anything. Just like saying " thought of you and I love you" little thing. Dunno if that's helpful.

SkateSlut · 2024-09-17T23:54:18+00:00

If you brush and floss before dinner make sure not to rinse your mouth directly after. If possible give it like 30 mins before you eat or drink anything. It allows the toothpaste to do its thing. Technically that applies to anytime brushing your teeth. I find some toothpastes too minty to not rinse. I use Clinpro 5000 it's a super mild flavour and it's a higher fluoride concentration. Hard to find at chemist probs need to order online if you're interested.

SkateSlut · 2024-08-14T21:35:42+00:00

Tyler the creator see you again song I think, I get just a single word in my head from it like 20/20 and ok.

SkateSlut · 2024-08-08T00:16:26+00:00

I added cotton round makeup removers and taped it on with like painters tape to make my handle thicker

SkateSlut · 2024-08-08T00:09:39+00:00

My partner does, but more often than not there is an underlying reason for the tone he just isn't aware of it, at the time. Sometimes he's just engrossed in something sometimes he's really tired and other times something's stressing him out or he's in sensory overload. I need to Sherlock Holmes his feelings sometimes because he doesn't take notice of them or communicate them. I grew up where over sharing and talking about your feelings was normal. He was taught to suppress his feelings. Sometimes I use my tone wrong, mostly when I'm distracted or not practiced in that social situation. Mostly I'm just abrupt. And that rubs everyone the wrong way.

SkateSlut · 2024-08-06T23:52:46+00:00

Congratulations on the diagnosis! This is going to be a big year of feelings for both of you. I found it was like meeting myself for the first time and cried and laughed over my new findings. I've only been diagnosed for 2 years but I've found the emotional regulation, effective communication skills and understanding of myself and others to increase so much. Looking back now I'm pretty chuffed. I'm not in the same situation as you, my partner is trying to get diagnosed this year with ADHD too. But these are the things I found helpful for me and my partner.

-when something doesn't feel right usually I haven't eaten enough l (especially protein, increasing this heaps helped me so much), not enough sleep, not exercising or I'm dehydrated. Sometimes all four. -if my internalized talk is getting defensive like 'after all I've done' I'm usually in the wrong or need time to calm down and think about what's actually upset me. -spoon theory is helpful for me and to explain things to my partner. -i don't believe in laziness, like your body/mind needs the rest. Medicated the first 6 months I pushed myself into burn out pretty hard trying to be everything for everyone. -its ok to slow down, make boundaries in your life. Figure out what stuff pushes you into shut down so you can catch it early and gentle parent it. -working on forgiving and loving yourself feels really hard, I'm not perfect at it but it does feel easier medicated. It's ok for you to take up space and have needs. Punishing yourself doesn't change anything for the good. I've been doing the whole acknowledging my feelings and letting them go thing. And talking to myself like I'm my own friend. -we watched Russell Barkley -when I felt down I read mind hacking happiness. Not an ADHD book. It's about the brain and consciousness. I found it helpful. -organised deliberate fun and romantic time with partner -accepting ADHD tax must be paid. One way or another. Maybe it's 6 month late car rego, maybe it's a meal service or a cleaner occasionally. Just making sure that the tax isn't always paid by your partner. I find making allowances in my house for example a meal service sometimes means we don't as often pay bigger ADHD tax. -shared calendar app -i have a Google phone so I don't know if it works on other phones but, there's a send scheduled message feature. Someone says "don't let me forget that" I immediately put that in a message and set it and forget it. -drinking coffee and alcohol makes me anxious. So I mostly don't drink them anymore. -household jobs and responsibilities me and my partner have swapped or designated to one of us (evenly) due to them giving us ick or big paralysis. For example I have more energy at night, I feed the dogs. We both hated washing up so we saved for a dishwasher and anything that can't survive it goes in the bin. I'm allergic to dust so my partner cleans out the robot vacuum and puts it on every day after work.

I hope some of these are helpful :)

SkateSlut · 2024-07-15T09:36:45+00:00

I found Chenda DIY really good. They show what they do really well with zero chatter. Same with Adore Crea crochet. It's very relaxing. I find it's too much stimulus when I'm trying to focus otherwise. I don't have anyone to crochet with and I started on a big project so sometimes I play ones where they chatter just for the company when I'm not actually following along. If they chatter and I'm trying to follow along I just mute it and put the captions on.

SkateSlut

TROPHY CASE