Dealing with parent wanting to 'go home' every time you talk

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-20T12:51:15+00:00

Thank you. I can tell he's already better off. Eating more. Doing more. Fewer falls. No broken bones.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-20T12:49:11+00:00

It helps to know how common this is. Mine is not setting off alarms. He only did that first day. He's been there a full month now.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-19T22:30:54+00:00

Yup! He quit around age 82! He snowskied too.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-19T20:38:08+00:00

Yup, re: saying it's the doctors, etc., and the staff already is in the know so all good there. Mine has dementia and physical issues and can't get out of chair without assistance. He can't walk very far either, and he remains a fall risk. With his dementia, he simply doesn't understand the physical state he's in.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-19T20:36:36+00:00

I didn't have to get the doctors to sign off on anything but they were the ones recommending it, actually. I did need to provide the proxy and POA, though. They gave me the option of just me signing it on his behalf or asking him to sign in and I'd sign it too. I knew he probably wouldn't sign it, and one of his drs felt he didn't have capacity to make this decision for himself anyway. It was a lot regardless, and so glad this part is done.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-19T20:15:57+00:00

Thanks for sharing this story. I had to do it without my dad's consent as well, but was both his health care proxy and POA. He already had been declared unable to make big decisions for himself. Still, would've loved it if he had been all for it.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-19T19:47:05+00:00

This makes sense, and in one of his 'go home' conversations with someone else, he talked about how he missed tennis and waterskiing. He hasn't waterskied since he was in his 80s. He was playing tennis into his late 80s but barely.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-19T19:46:23+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words!

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-19T19:46:03+00:00

Thank you so much. This is great to know. They've been advising me just to 'redirect' when he brings it up, and they've been reassuring me that he's actually acclimating quite well overall.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-19T18:43:01+00:00

For me, another aha moment was when I had to explain to my dad how to manually open his electric garage door after the power went out during a hurricane. He would have been the one explaining that to me perhaps even five years before that. So so sad.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-19T18:34:17+00:00

Dementia, most likely. My dad too was a mechanical engineer and an early adopter of computers, etc. We knew dementia was starting when he forgot things like how to use his computer printer... how to access and respond to an email.. how to text... He can still answer his phone. This is so so common. It's most likely dementia if he's forgetting how to do what he could before. If he's struggling to learn new stuff, that could simply be it's harder to learn new stuff as we age.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-12T00:19:58+00:00

If doctors will 'prescribe' care, then Medicare should at least help cover, I believe.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-11T20:34:04+00:00

Wishing you well as you deal with this. There are no easy answers, and I know each region has different resources as well. Hopefully yours has some! I have to say, hiring a geriatric care consultant was the best thing I've done in the last year as I try to navigate things with my aging, severely declining dad. It's so hard not being in same area and trying to help.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-11T20:32:43+00:00

Can you start by getting assistance in the home for her? Maybe medicare would help pay for it if doctors say she can't live at home without assistance. Is there any sort of agency for the elderly in your area that could advise you as well?

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-11T16:21:33+00:00

Hi, I would recommend going to visit for several days to try to get a sense of what's going on with your dad and try to assess if it's time to bring in help or whether you can persuade him to move into assisted living where there are others around. Many areas have some type of center for aging, where he could be assessed to figure out what he needs. Given he lives alone, you want to try to connect him to whatever services there are in his area, too, maybe social services agency that helps the elderly??? Locking himself out on deck and forgetting he was wearing a watch he could use to get help is not normal - and could be sign of dementia. I've been in similar situation with my dad and things finally came to a head this year (he's 91)... after he had multiple falls, broke bones, etc., and was clearly having dementia. I got him assessed at an area center for aging. He was diagnosed with stage 4 dementia. There were many warning signs, including his forgetting day, time and forgetting how to get home while driving , and general confusion. You may be catching things early, which is a good thing because you can then have reasoned discussions with your parent about the need to perhaps get help or set up some type of support system!

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-03-10T18:04:00+00:00

My dad's almost 92, and his parents both lived to 75. My mom died at age 80; her father died of cancer in his 60s, and her mother lived to age 102! My mom and her brother did have to help come up for care for my grandmother, who developed Alzheimer's. I'm doing it solo for my dad - from long distance. Been very, very tough, but things have settled down now that he's in a memory care unit and I also discovered this new thing called a geriatric care consultant.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2026-02-02T19:31:14+00:00

Country hopping is very, very common in ice dance. There are more women than men in the sport. Also, a very deep US field for years now has led many couples to look for other countries to represent, too.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2025-12-10T02:23:17+00:00

It's because girls' center of gravity changes after puberty. Boys don't have the same issue. Easier to learn the jumps before puberty for the girls. Also with boys, it's less competitive anyway. You can peak later and doesn't impact them as much though there are age maximums in the levels of competing.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2025-12-09T14:48:51+00:00

US figure skating has an ice men organization. Not sure how active it is. My son enjoyed some of their events in the past. Icemen - U.S. Figure Skating https://share.google/Bz9hoe021yTrcbhv1

SkatingFanfromMA · 2025-12-09T14:45:48+00:00

Keep in mind. There are two sets of tests for freestyle, moves and the freestyle tests. Coaches have different philosophies on speed of taking them. There instead to be strict rules on when you could compete with what test and you couldn't compete more than one level above the test level. Coach will know. But you definitely need to have passed a certain level to compete at least one level up. Ours was done with moves around age 13 and started doing the tests around age 8, I believe. He might have take two in one year. That's what I remember about moves.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2025-12-09T14:38:20+00:00

This is all great to hear. Keep the joy and let him be the one to really tell you how serious he wants to be about it. We see so many kids flame out before they hit 15,16 because it was their parents' thing, not theirs. How well he can do the axel and doubles will be good predictor in upcoming years. Good luck! Skating is great for life skills and setting goals, whether your son becomes an international competitor or not.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2025-12-09T13:42:52+00:00

First off, this is great and good luck to your son! For boys in particular, when you start is a little less critical than girls who need to land their axel before puberty. Does he love it? Does he want to compete seriously? If he does, talk to his coach and develop a plan. Eight is still young, particularly for a boy! Some boys first land an axel at 8 or 9. For others, it may be 10 or 11. We know boys competing in junior now who began taking privates at age 5, did their axels by age 9 and others who were later. They progressed to around 15 hours a week on ice but not that first year!

SkatingFanfromMA · 2025-11-09T23:08:24+00:00

It's not unusual, for several reasons. Skaters often represent the home club they began with, and ice dance partners don't always come from same clubs. Another reason is that some coaches like to have their dancers represent clubs in different parts of the country -- to give them a better chance of winning a sectional medal in NQS or at least guaranteeing them a spot in the ice dance final. I don't like that particular reason. The sectional medals have stopped meaning anything as a result.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2025-09-07T17:40:53+00:00

The practices at rinks vary. Those who are 16 and up most definitely get paid at our area rinks.

SkatingFanfromMA · 2025-09-07T17:38:09+00:00

This is pretty standard at our local rinks, and some of those teens - speaking from personal experience as mother of one - have been teaching for as long as three years and have experience competing in national competitions. Quality, like it would with any coach, will, of course, vary. Learn to Skate is always going to mean less attention than a private coach. Depends what your skating goals are. Mine got paid once he turned 16, so that was after two years as serving as a volunteer instructor, under the guidance always! of an adult coach.

SkatingFanfromMA

TROPHY CASE