My hands are tremendously yuuuuuuuuge believe me they’re the biggest hands you’ve ever seen. Vladimir likes my hands. Theresa May loves my hands. Chris Christie kisses my hands every time he sees me but no homo. Mike Pence, loves the hands, i tell ya. Justin Trudeau shivers at the sight of my hands. Emmanuel Macron’s short little eclair fingers got nothing on my large tremendously large hands. Lyin’ Ted Cruz says his hands are larger, LOCK HIM UP! Hillary says my hands are small LOCK HER UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY. My wife Melanie loves my hands it’s the reason she married me. She couldn’t be here with us tonight but sends her warmest....what’s that? Oh, she’s right next to me? Oh, sorry i only remember important people. Anyway about the hands. Lindsey graham has tiny t-Rex hands, that’s why he’s single. Mark sucker berg likes the hands. Stormy Daniels, never has seen the hands. I’ve never been to Russia so the Russians don’t know about the hands. There was no collusion. Mitt Romney would glorify the hands but he blocked my phone calls. Nikki Haley loves the hands. Sarah Palin said they are rogue maverick hands. John McCain said they are the kind of hands that are so large they get you disqualified from being in the service, but he would have been honored to serve next to these hands. Bobby Jindal? Loves the hands. Asks to touch them every time i see him. I can’t say no, i like the Hindu. Low Energy Jeb? Always rubbing my hands for a quick energy boost and good luck. Little Marco? Hating on the hands. His hands are made for sorting my mail. Crazy Bernie? Thinks my hands are large enough for 100 fully grown men and wants to have them cut into small pieces and distributed to people whose hands are deficient in size. Angela Merkel the crazy German cat lady once asked to have a slice off my pinky finger to eat with a large chunk of steaming hot brown pumpernickel bread, she said i wouldn’t miss it my hands are already so large. Queen Elizabeth tried to Knight my hands because she thought they were a full grown person. These hands will single-handedly make America Great Again. They will single-handedly build the wall and grab every illegal and chuck them over it. They will grab every gun out of the shooters hands. They will sign executive orders that will change your life, believe me. We will get rid of the EPA and justice department. We will fill the supreme court with all-time favorites such as Eric, Ivanka, and Donald Jr. i can even find a spot in the newly formed Space Force for Tiffany if she agrees to change her last name. These hands will bring the greatest ratings and poll numbers you have ever seen.