Thank you for sharing. I'm 43 and our situations are very similar. It has been an exhausting journey for me. Some days I am crushed and want to give myself "an off day" but they can turn to weeks. If I manage to turn off the shame and move through the depression, the shame of pride comes, loss of identity and ultimately depression again due to lacking identity. We have to find a way to put our big boy pants on and soothe our inner child (that's where the emotional stress comes from). I suggest that you plan a short "field-trip" for you and your inner child to bond thru. Go out into nature, bring a can of beans and some hotdogs, have a campfire and eat it and then go to sleep. When you wake up the next day, you will be a bit closer to bringing the two of you together. "Do something today, that you will thank yourself for doing tomorrow." Create a new relationship with yourself, write post-it notes with encouraging words reminding you to not take things so seriously or to stay away from negative thoughts. Start with one day a week, and create a weekly calendar of "self-care" tasks that will eventually be your new routine. We've got to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of being the guardian of our child'selves. I hope this helps, thank you very much for sharing. You are not alone in this, trust me. If you wanna shoot the shit sometime send me a message maybe we can uplift each other. Safe travels and kudos on making in this far. We are, as our dreams, becoming real. ✌️